Inside Of You ft John O'Callaghan
by TheBeehive
Summary: The Maine :
1. Chapter 1

I pushed everything aside just for him. I gave up practically my whole life just to get to know him and maybe a little bit more than that. We were friends. Best friends, to be exact. But there was one big problem in this picture: He had my heart and didn't even know it.

He dropped it in the ocean and walked away. He didn't even watch it flow out there to see if anything happened to it. I hated myself for absent-mindedly handing it to him but what else can I do? I didn't even know my heart was with him.

So because of all this, I ran away. I packed my belongings and walked to a different state hoping to start a new life. But they were getting bigger and it was hard not to hear about him and his band from other people.

It's been about one year since I left. I didn't bother to answer his calls or any calls for that matter. I got a new number and threw away the old one. I didn't want to look back and maybe realize that I made a mistake. I've gone too far to look back now.

But I'm not going to lie. Every single day of my life, I spend a little extra time just to think about what they were doing, where they were and if they were doing just fine without me. Maybe they didn't even remember me anymore. Who knows?

So I got up this morning to the sound of the pilot saying things I couldn't comprehend through the plane's intercom. All I knew was that the plane now landed and everyone was getting up of their seats and heading out the door. I was in Arizona.

I was here not because of them but because my mother begged me to come home. I didn't really understand why she wanted me to come home seeing that I'm now 20 years old and there was no special occasion but I couldn't turn her down after everything that I've gone through. It would just be plain wrong. So here I was trying to make up for lost times hoping that she could forgive me and hoping that I wouldn't run into John O'Callaghan or the rest of The Maine.

I got out of my seat after unbuckling the seatbelt and grabbing my hand carry in the over head cabin. I travelled long hours to get to hear from New York. I wasn't sure about how I was going to take the heat. Hopefully I hadn't forgotten how it felt.

Once I was ready with everything in hand, I got off the plane and went into the terminal to grab the rest of my bags. I was going to be here for about a month since I had nothing better to do and I had some money to spend from the job I had back in New York. Okay so since we're talking about my job, I might as well put it out there. I'm a model. There I said it. I didn't really get why I was so ashamed of that but just seeing my face on magazines or banners in websites just creeped me out. I mean I loved posing for pictures and stuff but I just didn't want to see the results. Yeah, I'm weird like that.

I had a lot of luggage with me so I had to get one of those pushcarts they had in the terminal. I had a lot of family back here in Tempe and it's been a year since I last saw them. I didn't even come down here for Christmas or New Year or any birthday due to how busy I was and I felt guilty for that. But there was another reason as to why I didn't want to come home for the holidays. I didn't want to have to face the faces I left while they were on tour back in the day where everything was just too much for reality to take.

Everything felt so unreal then but it all had to end some time right? Well that surreal experience ended when John started hooking up with random girls who wanted to get into his pants. It was the first time I went on tour with them and I was looking for a fun time. John and I have been best friends ever since we were kids. We were next door neighbors and we used to hang out a lot. I knew that he never wanted to take it to the next level because he didn't want to ruin our friendship blah, blah, blah and at that time, I didn't want to either but as soon as we hit the road, it was different. It was stupid but I was really jealous. Like extremely jealous to the point where I thought I'd never make it through the day. But I made it through a month before I ran away. They were out a party and I told them I didn't want to go after a long argument and they just let me be. But that was their first mistake. That night, I packed my bags and ran away. No notes, phone calls or text messages. I left without leaving a trace of myself behind. I left but my heart didn't come along with me. It was still there in John's hand but he didn't know it was there so he took it for granted.

I saw my mom as soon as I got all my bags and stacked them on the cart. She had a big smile on her face and ran to me as soon as I was near enough.

"Olivia Cassandra Harper, I've missed you so much," my mother said embracing my slim figure.

Now maybe I was a model but I wasn't one of those die hard anorexic ones that ate a grape or maybe even less than that for lunch. I eat a balanced diet and run around my block every day. Well maybe I eat a lot of fast food but exercising and my fast metabolism help me a lot.

"I've missed you too, Mom," I said tucking a strand of my red hair behind my ear.

"You'll never believe who came with me to see you," my mother said making me think. Maybe it was my cousin, Danielle.

I was just thinking about who it was when suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around slowly before reminding myself why I chose to run away and never look back.

"Hey," John greeted with that same crooked smile that made my heart melt.

Someone call the paramedic. I think I'm going to have a heart attack.


	2. Chapter 2

I seriously didn't expect him to be here so I just stood there dumbfounded. I blinked away from him without greeting him back and looked at my mother who was looking at me expectantly. I didn't want to say or do anything that might cause a scene yet so we just walked to the car in complete – and awkward – silence.

I got my bags into my mother's car with the help of John but even if he didn't help me, I still would've gotten everything in the car. I nodded my thanks to him and then got in the back of the sedan that my mother has had for probably four years now. She was never really one of those people who wanted everything new. She was contented with what she had. Sadly, I was nothing like her. An example of which is that I wasn't contented when I had John as a friend. I wanted him to be something more with me but that never happened. Instead, he just jerked off with some other girl making me too envious that I ran away and now, the friendship John and I had blew up into the tiniest pieces. I don't think things will ever be the same between us.

John took the driver's seat while my Mom took the passenger's seat. I checked my phone as the car drove off in the pavement. I had ten messages from different modelling agencies. They wanted me to go to a photo shoot to model some clothes for them. I didn't answer any of them since I knew I wouldn't be able to my job for some time.

"So Olivia, how have you been?" My mother asked keeping her eyes out the window.

I looked up from my cellphone that just kept buzzing as I answered her. "Um, I've been better," I said careful with the words I chose to use.

My mother turned in her seat to face me. Concern filled her eyes and that got me worried. "Well, you look prettier and I think you've shed some pounds," she said with a smile. I smiled right back at her and looked at the rear view mirror just to see that John had his eyes one me.

I shied away and looked out the window. I was always body conscious but not to the point where I starved myself for anything. I sighed softly to myself and let the rest of the ride drown in silence as I plugged my ears with my earphones and turned on my iPod shuffle that I used for jogging and for times where I just wanted to drown myself in music. Just like now.

All Time Low started playing and I felt myself getting drowsy. I wasn't really able to sleep much last night. I only slept for two hours in the flight and I hardly slept the day before that due to endless photo shoots. I needed to get away from that. I needed to find myself again and rediscover what I've lost this past year. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I should reconnect with everyone I've grown to know in my life, does it?

It seemed like only seconds passed before I had someone shake me awake. My sister, Andrea – Andy for short – pulled me right out of the car and let the hot Arizona breeze hit me before I was ready to face it.

"I've missed you so much!" she said hugging me tightly. I hugged her back just as tightly but I just didn't have that much strength in me to really squeeze her.

John and my mother were unloading the car. I was about to go and help them but Andy started dragging me into the house. I looked back to see my mother smiling and telling me that it was fine. I mouthed a thank you and then got into the front door that seemed too familiar. I was back in the house I grew up in and right now, it just felt good to finally be home.

It was peaceful in the living room where I plopped down in the couch. But it wasn't long until Andy started talking endlessly about everything that was happening in her life. She and I used to be really close. She's now 16 and I'm roughly 20 and it seems as if nothing's changed at all. She was still the same old kid that I trusted with everything. She knew exactly what I felt at a certain moment and she knew everything about me. She also knew about John but I don't know maybe after a year, she forgot about everything I told her.

She was just in the middle of saying something when all of a sudden she saw someone come up behind me. I turned back just to see John smiling at me. It took everything in me not to smile back but I just ended up smiling anyway. Why was life bitching out on me now?

I turned back to Andy who was smiling evilly. "What's with the smile creepy smile?" I asked biting my lip.

"Oh, nothing." She told me and I narrowed my eyes at her. "Okay, okay, look," she whispered before looking around and seeing that John wasn't in the room anymore. She sighed before saying, "John's been pretty fucked up lately-"

"Language, missy," I reminded her as she rolled her eyes. I wasn't really big at cussing but I knew how to curse when I needed to.

"Anyway, when he came back from tour and realized that you weren't here," she said pushing my shoulder with her finger harshly, "he got all panicky and asked me where you were. He was really worried about you, you know. And I've got dirt," she said mocking those popular stereotypes on TV. It was a thing we used to do before when we had something to tell each other. I don't really know why we did it but we found it fun so it became a thing of ours.

"Okay, spill," I said playing along.

"John likes you," she said slowly as I rolled my eyes.

"I know that, I mean we've been friends since-"

"I'm not saying he likes you as a friend," she interrupted and I stared at her with an eyebrow raised. "That's right sis, he likes you likes you," she told me.

"Sure, he does," I said sarcastically and she sighed heavily.

"I'm serious. He told me," she said feeling all smug that she and John still had some kind of relationship going.

"Yeah, like how many months ago," I said reminding her about the time I've spent away from Arizona.

"But he hasn't moved on, dude," she said but I didn't believe her.

"Look, dude, he's probably out there right now jerking off with some other girl. I don't want to be the next in line," I told her and she pressed her lips together so that it was in a line.

"He hasn't been with anyone since you left and he came back from tour," she said leaning on the side of the couch and putting her legs up so that she was facing me fully.

"And how would you know that?" I asked her crossing my arms as I took my shoes off and brought my legs up on the couch as I sat like an Indian.

"I asked the guys to spy on him," she bragged and I just shook my head at her.

"Does anyone else know about this thing you said about John?" I said not wanting to think for a second that I had a chance to be with him.

"What thing? About John liking you?" she asked making everything obvious. I rolled my eyes as she laughed. "They all know about it and they've been waiting for this day for a very, very long time."

Just then, the door swung open and four familiar faces walked in. Three of them had big smiles on their faces as they came to say hi but the other one didn't seem too happy at all.

"We've missed you so fucking much!" Kennedy said hugging me first.

"Hey, how come he gets to curse without you reminding him about his language?" Andy complained placing her feet down so Kennedy could sit between us.

"Because I'm 20 and you're 15," he said sticking his tongue out at her. I laughed not knowing what else to say as I got up and gave Jared and Pat a hug.

"You have a lot of explaining to do," Pat said releasing me from the bear hug he and Jared were giving me.

"Yeah and you owe us multiple hang outs," Jared said ruffling my red hair.

"Okay, okay," I said pretty excited to catch up with them.

I walked up to Garrett knowing he was anything but happy to see me. I was about to say something but then he pulled me into a hug. "Don't ever leave like that again," he whispered into my ear.

Garrett was the one who helped me through everything on tour. He was the friend I was quite lucky to have. He was the one I really missed. I mean I missed each and every one of them but Garrett was somebody who definitely stood out. When I left, I cried not only because I wasn't able to bear with John and whatever it was he was doing with those girls. I cried also because I knew I wouldn't be able to see Garrett anymore and that maybe all our memories would just get flushed down the toilet and neither of us would remember them. But I haven't forgotten.

"I'm so sorry," I said burying myself in his chest as I started to cry.

He stroked my hair repeatedly and soon I grew oblivious to everything around Garrett and me. It was as if we were the only ones in the room. Garrett walked me up the stairs and led me to my room where we were all alone.

I was sitting on my bed wiping my tears away. He grabbed the chair that was right in front of the dresser and placed it right in front of me but the chair was facing in front of me and he sat on the chair backwards. He rubbed my tears away hoping that I would start explaining myself.

"Why did you do it?" he asked stroking my cheek.

I looked up at him as fresh, hot tears started brimming in my eyes. "I just couldn't take it anymore," I told him and he shook his head and placed leaned on the chair with his hands on the top of the chair and his chin on top of his hands.

"You knew I was there for you. We could've gone through it together," he said watching me intently.

"But I just couldn't stand being with him in the same place, let alone sleep in the same bus for how many weeks." I told him and he stood up and sat right beside me on the bed.

If you're asking, no, Garrett and I were never together as a couple. Maybe there were times where we cuddled in a bed but it was purely because he cared about me and we were friends. It was never anything more than that. We just felt comfortable with each other.

We both lay down on the bed with him holding me in his arms. I placed my head on his chest and listened to his breathing. I missed this.

"I just wish you never left," he told me as he played with my hair.

"What's done is done, Garrett," I told him and just laid there with him letting the silence fill the space between us.

I never really planned on regretting anything but right now, that's not going so well for me. But at least now, I was with the people I loved. I was back home but with a heavy heart.

Regret is taking over me.


	3. Chapter 3

I think I might have dozed off for a while in Garrett's arms because once I opened my eyes and checked the digital clock on the bedside table, It told me that it was already 4:30 in the afternoon. I got up careful not to wake the sleeping body beside me. I noticed that all my bags were already in my room. Someone must've brought them up. I just hoped it wasn't John. I grabbed a new set of underwear, a tank top and a pair of denim shorts from one of the bags and went into the bathroom to take a bath. There was a new set of necessities in the bathroom and a new, clean towel folded neatly on top of the counter that held the sink.

This might sound really odd but I missed my bathroom. This was the only place where I really felt safe. I could do almost anything in here and never get caught. Like sing in the shower, cry endlessly when something went wrong or hide away if ever I needed to escape. It was my small get away place that required no money or long flights. It was simple and perfect in its own little way.

I got out of my clothes and made sure the door was locked before I got into the shower and washed myself.

The whole process probably took thirty minutes all in all but it was worth it because the shower felt really nice. I dried myself with the towel before putting on some underwear and the outfit I chose to wear. I blow-dried my hair and brushed it so that it looked nice and decent. I didn't want to look like a mess. I wanted to make an impression that told them that everything was fine so I fixed myself up but I didn't use make-up. To tell you the truth, I think make-up is overrated and that's pretty ironic coming from me but I stand by what I believe and so far, that thought of mine hasn't changed. Maybe I'd place some on when there was a special occasion but I don't put make up on everyday. It would totally ruin my skin. Not to sound girly or anything.

Once I thought I looked good enough and brushed my teeth, I walked out of the bathroom just to see Garrett rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked pretty cute when he yawned. I mentally slapped myself as I placed the clothes I used before I took a bath in the laundry basket that was at the side of my old cabinet.

"Did I wake you?" I asked him sitting right next to him.

"Um, I think so," he said smiling sheepishly.

"I'm sorry," I said biting my lip anxiously as he let out a small laugh.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "I got up because I thought you weren't there anymore but you were just in the bathroom so I guess its all good." he told me making me feel an ounce of guilt.

I swallowed hard as I looked at the bathroom door which was situated right in front of me. Garrett suggested that we go downstairs since he was hungry so we made our way down the stairs. I saw that everyone – including John – was in the living room. He didn't look too happy to see me and Garrett go down the stairs together. What was his problem?

"What were you guys doing upstairs?" Andy asked me from the kitchen that was right next to the living room.

I walked towards the kitchen and Garrett followed after me since he was hungry. I told him to grab anything he wanted so he started by rummaging through the refrigerator.

"Nothing really," I said redirecting my focus to my sister who was drinking a soda and looking at me with some kind of agenda. "We were just talking and then after a while, I slept." I told her and she nodded and then went back into the living room probably to spread the good news or something like that.

I looked in the cupboard and saw that there were bags of chips. I grabbed a bag of Lays. Garrett saw what I got and closed the fridge and grabbed a plastic bowl from one of the cabinets. It surprised me how he knew this place so well. He almost made me feel like a stranger in my own home.

"Couldn't find anything in the fridge?" I asked him as he gave a small smile and shook his head. "Here," I said opening the bag of chips and pouring them in the bowl. I grabbed one and ate it before handing it to him.

"Thanks," he said hugging the bowl so it wouldn't fall before heading into the living room where the rest of the guys were.

Just as I was about to follow him into the living room where everyone was sharing laughs, John started for the kitchen and caught my eye. He seemed really sad about something. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what it was about.

"Hey, um, can we talk?" he asked and I nodded hesitantly. We had to talk some time, right? I guess I just didn't expect him to talk to me at all but who was I kidding?

We walked out the back door to the backyard where we used to play around when we were kids. We sat on the porch swing and looked out into the distance just like we used to.

"John, I'm sorry, okay?" I started the conversation as I looked at him. He looked at me with a confused expression.

"What are you apologizing for?" he asked me making me want to take back what I said. I should've just waited for him to start the conversation. Maybe then this would be less awkward.

"For everything practically," I whispered not wanting him to hear. But he heard me and he gave out a little sigh before saying something else.

"Look, if anyone has to apologize here, it's me." He told me sincerely. "I took you for granted and I didn't realize that the best thing I've ever had in my life just walked away from me and I just let it. I feel so stupid for not seeing it then. Olivia, I've missed you like crazy and I never ever want you to leave like that ever again," he said and I looked away from him and back at the grass in the yard.

"John, you were having the time of your life with the people you loved and-"

"When you left, my life fell apart and my world crumbled right in front of me and I didn't do anything to stop it and every single day of my life, I spend hours thinking about what I had done and I hate myself because I let you down," he cut me off completely ignoring what I was about to say but in this situation, it hardly mattered.

"You didn't let me down," I told him as I looked back at him. "You just tore me to pieces," I said not planning to take that back. He had to know the truth.

"I can't explain how sorry I am in words, Liv." He said and I could almost see tears forming in his eyes but I couldn't just forgive him for everything he did to me. It didn't seem right for me to that.

"Tell me John; is it true that you haven't seen anyone or dated anybody once the tour ended?" I asked him wanting to clear things up so I wouldn't get too in over myself.

"Yeah, it's true. The moment I knew you left, I realized that I didn't want to be with anyone else. You were the only one for me," he told me looking at this hands that were clasped together.

"So me leaving made you fall for me?" I asked confused. "I don't get it, John."

"I don't get it either," he simply stated and I looked away from him somewhat frustrated.

I didn't know what else to say so I let everything fall into a silence. I don't know why I said what I did but it seemed fair. I mean he made me wait for so long so why shouldn't I make him wait too? I know revenge won't solve anything and I wasn't about to do anything stupid but it doesn't seem fair. If I forgave him for everything he did to me, it would be so easy for him. I needed to make him prove his point. I wanted him to work for it. But it was all so confusing. I didn't get anything anymore.

I started to get up and stretch on the porch. I didn't want to just sit there in silence. I turned and leaned on the ledge and he looked right up at me with deep sadness in his eyes.

"So I guess you and Garrett are together now?" he asked softly and I just rolled my eyes.

"We're not together," I told him. "I missed him, he missed me, we're still friends," I said and he raised an eyebrow.

"Then why were you two sleeping together?" he asked me demandingly. So he was the one who brought my bags up.

"We cuddled for a while 'coz that's what we used to do. It was a thing we did and I ended up sleeping because I was tired." I said. "Why am I explaining myself to you? You don't need this. And I don't need to explain myself to you." I said getting worked up. Why the fuck was I feeling this way? I'm so messed up right now.

"Remember when we used to do that?" he asked getting up in unnecessary frustration not letting me have the height advantage. He was probably a few more inches taller than me and that sorta ticked me off a bit.

"Why are you getting so worked up about this?" I asked him not understanding why he was feeling this way. "It's not like we were together or something like that," I said and noticed that I struck a nerve.

"But do you remember everything we've been through?" he asked totally changing the subject. His eyes showed hope. Apparently, he was hopeful.

"Yeah," I said crossing my arms. "What about it?" I acted bluntly towards him even if I wanted everyone to just be happy because seriously, I hated getting angry like this which meant getting depressed made me hate myself even more.

I wanted to be the happiest person alive. I wanted no worries, you know? Hakuna Matata has been my motto ever since I saw Lion King and as a kid it seemed like that. There might've been some down sides then but they were nothing compared to this. I lived a happy life even if I didn't know who my father was. My mother didn't need another man in her life and we were fine with that. You might think that that might hinder me from being in a relationship but I didn't really look at it that way. I didn't worry about being heartbroken and I didn't worry about being alone. I was a carefree person until that very day on tour. My life turned around when I ran away and I started to worry. I didn't want this life. I didn't want to have to worry but apparently life's a bitch.

"I don't want you to forget them," he said calming down a bit as he walked towards me. "I don't want you to forget because I haven't." he pulled my arms away as he placed his arms around me.

He felt warm against me and I didn't want to give in but I had to. I wanted to.

Chills ran up and down my spine. I never wanted to him let go.


	4. Chapter 4

Once John let go of me, I found myself all teary eyed again. Was the crying ever going to stop today? I sighed as I looked up at him. He wiped away my tears and every time he touched me, I felt something. Feelings I thought I'd pushed away far away from me started rushing back and it didn't feel right. I was supposed to hate him for what he did to me. I wasn't supposed to falling for him all over again.

I pushed his hand away and made him stop wiping away my tears. I looked up at him and he looked at me in confusion. I shook my head at him before making my way into the kitchen. I breathed out slowly and composed myself as I walked into the living room to catch up with everyone else.

They all stopped laughing when I came into the room. They all asked me how it went with John and I just shrugged at them not knowing what to tell them. Garrett motioned me over to where he was and patted the space next to him telling me to sit there.

I walked over Kennedy and Jared who were sprawled out on the floor and made my way to the space next to Garrett. Andy was nowhere to be found which was good because she never really liked seeing me cuddle with Garrett. She always told me that she thought John and I were cute together but he was off being a jerk so I didn't really agree with her totally even if I wanted to.

I curled up next to Garrett and he pulled me close so that my head was situated on his chest and my feet were on the couch. He placed a hand on my side and comforted me knowing that it didn't end well with John. He knew me too much and sometimes it scared me but in times like these, I just thanked God that I had a friend like him.

"Where did Andy go?" I asked Garrett as soon as I was ready to talk. The guys were all playing a game of poker so they didn't really mind us.

"She went with your Mom to go buy some things," he told me. "Apparently, we're having a barbeque here tonight," he said and I shifted and placed my head on his thighs so I could look up at him. He smiled down at me as he played with my hair.

"What's the barbeque for?" I asked him and he rolled his eyes.

"For you, duh," he said stroking the tip of my nose playfully.

It didn't take long before the back door opened and shut again. John was in the house and he didn't seem pretty happy.

"Why are you doing this right now?" he spat as he walked into the living room.

"What are you talking about?" I asked getting up from the very comfortable position I was in.

"I'm trying to make things better but you're not making this any easier for me," he complained.

"Do you think I would just forgive you for everything you put me through?" I asked matching the tone of frustration in his voice.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stopped to look at us now. I wasn't really one who wanted to be the center of attention but I guess it's unavoidable in a situation like this.

"Look, I fucked up. Why can't you get that? I'm not perfect. I can make mistakes," he informed me and I just rolled my eyes. This was getting more and more foolish by the minute.

"I know you're not perfect John," I told him getting up and crossing my arms.

"Then why are you acting like you think can't make mistakes?" he asked in desperation. "Tell me, why can't you just give me a second chance?" he asked me in a more gentle tone.

Well I couldn't really answer to that. Everyone had their eyes on me and I just stared at John.

"B-because…" I stumbled as I trailed off trying to think of a comeback. "It's all your fault that I ran away and gave up everything I had back then. I had to get away from you because I couldn't stand watching you with all those girls you were hooking up with. I had to sacrifice a lot of things because I couldn't stand the sight of you.

"If you think that I'm just going to forgive you for what you made me do then you're wrong. You have to work for my forgiveness because I'm not just going to hand it over to you simply because you asked for it. It wouldn't be fair to me," I said speaking my mind. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to tell him before I would regret not doing it.

He sighed heavily. "Whatever. Have it your way," he said walking towards the front door and slamming it as he walked out.

I swallowed hard afraid to face the people who were now staring at me. Garrett hugged me from behind and held me in his arms. "It's gonna be okay," he whispered to me and how I wish I could believe him but I just couldn't bring myself to believing that it was going to be okay.

I looked at Kennedy, Pat and Jared and they all gave me half-hearted smiles.

"So do you guys get it now?" I asked them hoping that I didn't have to explain anything else.

They all gave me nods and I bit my lip as Garrett's arms detached themselves from me. They got back to their game and I walked into the kitchen looking for a bottle of water.

I didn't really feel thirsty or anything like that but I didn't want to stay in the room and pretend as if nothing happened.

"Do you think I was too hard on him?" I asked Garrett who followed me into the kitchen to return the now empty plastic bowl.

"I don't think so," he said casually as he sat on the counter after placing the bowl in the sink. "He deserves it,"

"I don't know it feels like-"

"Don't try to defend him," he cut me off as he hopped off the countertop. "He's an asshole who just missed his chance with you by throwing himself away to other girls who didn't mean a thing to him,"

I sighed still doubting my decision. Maybe all this doubting and worrying will disappear sooner or later. It was too early to tell. I mean hello, I just got back for Christ's sake.

Garrett gave me a smile before telling me that he needed to pee. I grinned as he left me alone in the kitchen. I twisted the cap off and drank the water inside as I watched Kennedy come in.

"Hey," he greeted and I nodded at him as I swallowed the water that refreshed me. "I'm just wondering…" he trailed off.

"About?" I asked him sitting on one of the stools by the island counter.

"This whole thing practically," he said leaning on the counter.

"What do you mean exactly?" I asked him raising an eyebrow.

"Well, John's in love with you and I think it would be better if you just forgave him for being a dick." Kennedy said making me all confused again about this whole situation.

"But don't you think it would be unfair for me?" I asked him and he thought about it. I didn't know if he was pretending to think or if he was really thinking but he placed he scratched the side of his forehead and made some kind of face that told you that the person was thinking.

"Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you but life is unfair sometimes. That's why we live it. Everyday is a challenge and whether it's fair or not, we still have to get up off of our asses and face the day ahead of us even if it means doing something that you think is not right." He said and gave him a 'did-you-just-say-that-or-am-I-just-imagining-things?' face.

"So you're saying that I should just forgive him for hurting me badly?" I asked him and he nodded slowly.

"John's been pretty fucked up and our live sets have been sounding like shit and I need some money since I'm trying to survive on my own. So if you think about it, it would be a win-win for both sides." He said making some kind of point and I tried to consider it. I mean if I could help someone, it would be a good thing right?

"I'll have to think about it," I told him and he smiled brightly before leaving the room.

"Thank you," he said politely before leaving the room.

Garrett raised a questioning eyebrow at Kennedy who just shrugged it off and continued to walk into the living room.

"What was that about?" he asked me as he took the stool next to mine.

"Nothing," I said playing with the label on the bottle of water that was still half full.

"Come on, you can tell me," he said swaying to his left so that our shoulders would collide.

"He wants me to forgive John," I told him and looked to the side to see what his reaction looked like.

"You don't have to. Kennedy's just being a selfish jerk." He said eyeing Kennedy who was laughing at something one of the guys said.

"I mean he does have a point," I told him as I looked back at the bottle of water and toyed with it some more.

Garrett just rolled his eyes and put his head in his hands. "You shouldn't listen to him," he said rubbing his eyes.

"Then what the hell should I do about this?" I asked throwing my hands up in frustration.

"Well, you should think about it more and reflect on all this. Once you got all of that down, you decide." He instructed and I rolled my eyes at how broad he was being. I needed something specific not something that could go two ways.

"You're not gonna give me anything more specific, are you?" I asked him and he looked at me with a big smile on his face.

"Nope," he said. "I don't want you to see it from any other person's point of view. This is between you and John so no one else can have a say in this except you and/or him." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Well thanks," I said sarcastically. "That just makes things so much clearer." He laughed at that.

I hopped off the stool and drank what was left in the bottle of water in my hands. I thought about it a little more and knew that John would be forced to come to the barbeque later so I guess I had to fix things now.

"I think some time alone to think," I told Garrett and he nodded.

I walked out the front door and took the familiar steps to his house. He lived in the house right next door to mine and I wasn't sure if I his parents were home but I was going to find out. I needed to save this friendship before it was too late.

I just hope it's not too late.


	5. Chapter 5

I was scared. Wait, scratch that. I was beyond terrified as I walked up the porch steps that led to his front door. Why was I even here? It's not like I knew exactly what to say to him.

I tried to think about what he might do once he sees that it's me knocking on the door. Would he slam it right back or would he actually listen to what I wanted to say? I hated how this thing could end up in two ways. I needed something that told me that this would end up on the positive side but I knew that there was no way that that was happening right now.

I knocked softly on his door hoping that no one would hear so that I could turn away and run back to my house. I counted to ten slowly but stopped at six when the door opened to reveal John who apparently had been crying.

"Oh, um, is this a bad time?" I asked swallowing hard as I watched him wipe away the tears that were falling out of his hazel green eyes. Guilty, guilty and I'll say it again, guilty. Guilt coursed through my veins as I watched him shake his head and tell me that it was cool to go inside his house.

"So what'd you want to talk about?" he asked as he sniffled a bit. He was trying to put on a casual façade but he couldn't hide the fact that he was broken. It was written all over his face – literally.

"Us," I said simply and he looked straight at me. I gulped and thought that maybe what I said was too frank but I couldn't dilly-dally. My mom and my sister were bound to come home any minute now and I wanted him to be there because whether I want to deny to death or not, I knew deep inside, I missed John for being always being there for me. I knew that side of him was still in there somewhere and if we became friends again, then that would be awesome enough.

He sighed but I couldn't tell if it was in relief or frustration. I bit my lip as he started talking. "I get it, okay? You only have to tell me once." He said sullenly as he sat on the couch. I didn't feel like sitting down because I thought it would be awkward for the both of us if I did.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said. I was angry and frustrated and you know that I don't mean things when I'm mad," I said and he looked at me from the side. "I'm stupid, okay? Let me just get that out there but I don't want that to rip us apart," I swallowed hard. "I don't want to forget everything we've been through or what it feels like to never be friends with you again," I said and his expression changed. Shit, did I say something wrong?

I looked at him but he just continued to stare at the blank television screen that wasn't even on. I was just about to turn and walk back to my house but then I remembered that I still had to tell him to come to the barbeque.

"Oh and you should come the barbeque later," I said softly but he didn't move. "We'll be there and I'll try to get out of your way if that's what you really want," I told him and spun around ready to start walking.

"Olivia, wait," he said just as I was about to take the first step. He got up and took my hand spinning me around. "I don't wanna be friends with you," he stated making my eyes go wide.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"Yeah, I don't want to be friends with you," he repeated and tears in my eyes were about to spill as I looked at how serious he was being. He didn't give a smile and he looked like he was in a really bad mood but his hand still held mine.

I looked down at our hands not wanting him to see me cry but he lifted my chin up to make me look up at him and then our lips met. Sparks flew down my spine as he kissed me.

We parted and I saw that perfectly crooked smile of his that to this day, made my heart fly. I looked up at him and let the tears roll down my cheeks as I kissed him back passionately. I've waited for this day for so long and I never thought it would come but here I was in John's house locked into his lips.

His hand left mine and travelled all the way on my sides. I placed my arms around his neck as I tip toed to make sure we were levelled in height. A smile crept up on John's lips as he moved back and sat down on the couch and placed me on his lap. Now I was taller but other than that, I was happy.

When we both parted for air, I got off of him and sat next to him as I looked up at the ceiling. I bit my lip and smiled. I smiled because I was with John. I smiled because everything possible thing I thought about doing with John just happened. I smiled because we were finally on good terms again. But was I supposed to be smiling at all?

I breathed in deeply as I got up and looked at him. He looked back up at me and we just started cracking up.

"You do not know how long I've wanted to do that," he said getting up and taking my hand pulling me close to him.

"Huh," I said thinking about how everything was so ironic in a way. "You know, I think they're all waiting for us now," I told him stroking his nose playfully as I ran out the door.

I ran over to my house and watch him chase me down just like we used to when we were young. Memories started flooding back to me and I just couldn't wait to make more of them now that something good just happened. This was going to last forever.

But once I got into the door, everyone was looking at me with sadness in their eyes.

"What happened?" I asked all of them but they refused to meet my eyes.

"Liv, I think you might want to sit down for this," Jared told me as John came in.

"Got you!" he said hugging me from the back. Normally, I would start laughing if everything was just fine but this was a serious moment and John saw that once they saw the faces of his bandmates.

I sat down on the couch anxious to know what they wanted to tell me. I waited patiently as each one of them sat next to me but Pat was sitting on the coffee table that was set right in front of me. Apparently, he was the one who wanted to break it down to me.

"Olivia, we just got a call from the hospital. Your Mom and your sister got into an accident."

Please tell me he didn't just say that.


	6. Chapter 6

"You're kidding, right?" were the first three words that came out of me. No one answered me which meant they weren't joking.

I was frightened and I was scared shitless. How could they get into an accident? I mean my mother knows how to drive and she drives really well.

I was standing there not knowing what to do then all of a sudden, I ran to the place where my Mom hid all the keys to the cars and grabbed the key to the spare car we had outside. I was panicking and I was about to head out when all of a sudden, Garrett ran towards me and held me back.

"What are you doing?" I asked just above a whisper. The ball in my throat was starting to get bigger and it was getting hard for me to talk or breathe.

"I'm coming with you," he said taking the keys to the car from me.

I looked back at John who had but I couldn't read him right. He told me to go so I nodded and gave him a small smile. We headed into the garage and got into the car.

I got into the passenger's seat while Garrett climbed into the driver's seat and we backed away as fast as we could. I was getting anxious and Garrett knew that. He didn't say anything while we were driving. I let the tears slip silently as I prayed for the best.

We got to the hospital safely and I got out of the car and ran to the lobby as soon as the car was parked. I didn't want to look back when Garrett called after me because I knew that there was no time to waste. Every second was too important.

"Andrea Harper and Mary Harper please," I said with pleading eyes.

The nurse/receptionist who was in charge saw the look in my eyes and knew that I needed to know where they were pronto.

"Um, Mrs. Harper is in the emergency room right now but you're free to wait in Ms. Harper's room." She told me and told me exactly how to get there. I nodded my thanks and turned back to see Garrett with a worried look in his face.

I bit my lip as I took his hand and led him to where the nurse asked me to go. I walked as briskly as I could and dragged Garrett with me. My phone was vibrating in my pocket but I didn't want to pick it up just yet. I needed to see if Andy and Mom were okay. I wouldn't know what to do without them. I don't want to be alone in this world.

I stopped right outside Andy's room. Her door was open and she was okay but she was unconscious. I let go of his hand and ran right next to Andy wanting to break down but I didn't want to wake her up so I did it silently. The tears were pouring like rain in a storm. I sniffled as I took a few steps back and sat on the chair right beside the bed. She had a few scratches on her face but other than that, she seemed fine. I heard Garrett coming near me. He sat on the chair beside mine as he placed his arms around me. He wiped my tears away but the just wouldn't stop. I leaned into his chest and we just stayed like that until someone knocked on the door.

"Um, excuse me but are you Olivia Harper?" an old doctor with graying hair asked looking at the clipboard he was holding then back at me.

"Y-yea, that's me," I said getting up and walking to him.

"Well, your mother is currently in the ICU. She just got out of surgery and we're doing the best we can to help her," the doctor said in a hushed tone so as not to wake my sister up.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked him wiping the tears that are too stubborn to stop.

"The tumor in her brain has grown over the past few months and it has caused her to have a stroke," the doctor said but that hardly answered my question. "We're doing the best we can to help her in this situation." He said and I nodded.

"She has cancer?" I asked almost inaudibly. Why didn't anyone tell me?

"Um, yes," he said clearing his throat in an odd and nervous manner. "Didn't you know about this?"

"I just got back today. It's been a year since I've been back in Arizona," I said biting my lip as more tears started to pour out from my eyes.

"Well, she's been struggling with brain cancer for five months now," he said softly.

"Is it going to go away?" I asked him but he didn't answer that. Disappointment was written all over his face when he couldn't give me the answer I was looking for.

"Can I see her now?" I asked him changing the subject and he was hesitant at first but then he agreed and he took me to the ICU where my mother laid unconscious. Garrett trailed close behind not wanting to leave me on my own.

The doctor left as soon as we got there so that he could give us some privacy. There weren't a lot of patients in the room. Just my mother and this guy who was in some kind of coma. I cried harder when I saw my mother. She was bruised all over and her leg was wrapped in a cast and it was elevated. A part of her face was wrapped in gauze and her arm looked broken.

I was trembling and my knees were shaking. I was about to crash on the floor when Garrett's strong arms helped me up.

"I should've known," I said turning around to bury my face in his chest so that I wouldn't disturb the silence in the room.

"It's not your fault," Garrett said shushing me. His voice was soft. I looked at him and saw a tear fall from his eyes.

I locked my arms around him and hated myself for this. This was all my fault. I should never have run away. I would've known my mother had cancer if I stayed at home with her. We could've gone through this together. I didn't want to lose her. My life was just starting to pick up and now it's falling back to pieces.

"Garrett, did you know about this?" I asked him as I looked up and wiped the tears from my eyes.

He nodded slowly. "I wanted to tell you but you didn't answer your phone," he said, "and I didn't know where you were,"

I cried harder and he pulled me back into his arms telling me again and again that it was going to be okay but I knew somewhere deep down that this wasn't going to be okay. I wanted to believe him, I did but I couldn't. I should've just come back here after tour. But I had to run away. For what? For nothing at all. I just needed to get away. But that shouldn't have been an excuse for me. It benefited no one.

I never should have gone away.


	7. Chapter 7

Days passed slowly but I hardly left the room that contained my mother. She has been in a coma for three straight days and I was afraid about her never ever getting up from it.

I knew I couldn't ask her why she didn't tell me since obviously, it would be similar to Garrett's and I can't blame anyone but myself. If I scold myself for running away one more time, I think I'm going to blow up so I'll just put that thought aside. Regret won't bring her back. I started praying hard that any second now, her eyes will flicker and life will suffice on her face. I wanted to be able to talk to her again. I needed to talk to her again and catch up on her life.

"You know, you're gonna have to get out of here and take a bath some time," I heard John say after the automatic doors slid open.

I turned around and squinted at him to focus on his face. I had been crying for three straight days and that didn't benefit my eyes at all. The light was a bitch to me too.

I bit my lip as I got up from the chair that was by the bed and stretched. I walked over to John who walked towards me with open arms. I wrapped my arms him and buried my face in his chest as he wrapped his arms around my small figure and kept me warm. It was hard not to cry at a moment like this. I was losing her with every second wasted. I talked to her every once in a while since the doctors said she could hear me but even talking to her won't help me anymore because she never opens her eyes and replies to me.

John pulled away just to look at my face which he lifted up with his fingers. He gave me a sad smile as tears sprung out of my eyes. "Stop crying, it's gonna be alright." He whispered but I couldn't take it anymore. They were lying to me and they knew it.

"Please don't make it any worse, John." I told him letting my arms slowly slip away from his body.

"What do you mean?" he asked me in a hushed tone as our fingers met and intertwined.

"I just can't take the lies anymore," I said softly looking at the machines instead of his bright hazel green eyes. Tears started slipping and I was on the verge of breaking down again.

"Baby, we're only trying to comfort you," he said pulling me back into his arms. I tried to fight his embrace but he was too strong for my weak body that has skipped a lot of meals since I got to the hospital.

"But could you at least show some consideration and not lie about what's going to happen, because this isn't going to be okay, John. It will never be okay," I said finding it hard to keep my balance. My knees were shaking and I needed to sit down. Luckily, there was a couch beside the door. That couch has been my bed these past three days. It might not be comfortable, but it'll do.

"What do you expect us to say?" he asked trying to keep his calm. I knew he was a bit annoyed. I could read him like a book.

"I don't know," I said leaning against the wall. "This is all too much for me and it's all my fault that she's in here right now," I said trying my hardest not to keep the tears from falling but it's like rain on a rainy day. There's no stopping it. "If I never left, I would've been able to take care of her and watch her take all the meds the doctors said she didn't take. I could've helped her through this and she would've been okay but I just had to run away. I threw away everything that reminded me of home and that did not do me any good and now I'm regretting. I'm regretting, John," I said looking at him with tear filled eyes that burst into a river down my cheeks.

He wiped them away slowly and I noticed him clenching his jaw. I looked up into his eyes and saw that they were starting to well up. "It's not your fault," he said looking me straight in the eye. "Don't blame yourself for this. Just be happy that you're here right now and that your Mom's alive," he said pulling me into a side hug.

"I just can't believe this happened," I said leaning on his shoulder.

We stayed like that in silence for a little while and just made the time pass in silence. It wasn't long 'til I found myself asleep in his arms. These past few days, I've had wars against sleeping. I fought hard to stay awake so that when my mother wakes up, she and I could talk about things. She and I could have some quality time with each other. Coffee couldn't help me when I needed it the most and maybe I ended up napping here and there but usually it was only for an hour.

You might be wondering what I would be doing in the hospital for three days. Well, one, I talked to her a lot and I just watched her lying on her bed peacefully. I just hope it doesn't get too peaceful. I didn't want to lose her especially now that I just got back from New York where I wasted all this precious time. There were so many things that I wanted to talk about with her and I spoke up but knew she wouldn't be saying anything since she was asleep.

I was about to lose all consciousness when all of a sudden, John shook me awake. My eyes opened wide but they hurt so much. I fought hard to stay awake while John was telling me something. I looked at my mother who was moving her fingers and waving at me. I ran to her side and hugged her tightly while John went to go call a doctor to give her some kind of check-up.

"Mom, I'm so sorry," I said spilling more tears.

"Olivia, it's not your fault." She whispered. She was tired and that ached me to the bone. She was getting weaker with every second and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Mom, we still have so much to talk about," I told her sniffling and she placed a fragile hand on my head and let it slip.

"I heard everything you said, dear." She said and I looked up at her and she smiled at me and it made me cry even more. "But before everything else, I just want you to know that I made my will and that I want you to be happy and I want you to be able to move on and take care of your sister." She said and stopped when she remembered what happened.

"Andy's back home, Mom. She's fine and safe," I told her and she smiled in relief.

John came back with a doctor who gave her another dose of morphine to ease her pain. I didn't want to see her like this and no matter how much I don't want to blame myself, I can't.

After the doctor went out the room, the monitors started beeping rapidly and my mother was unconscious yet again. I wanted to run to my mother's side but a team of doctors and nurses came into the ICU and asked us to wait outside. John had to drag me outside since I was too stubborn to follow orders. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want her to leave us. I didn't want her to leave me blaming myself.

This was all my fault.


	8. Chapter 8

The next few days, I spent them in tears. I thought that maybe they would run out soon but they just kept on flowing. The boys have been there for me and they never left my side even though I told them that I'd be fine. They didn't leave because they knew me well. They knew that I was stubborn and that I didn't want to admit that I needed them. There were times where I locked myself up in my room but that never lasted long because after an hour or so, someone would check up on me.

John has been extra careful with everything that came out of his mouth. As if one word could break me and make me feel worse but I didn't think so. This was rock bottom and I hit it - hard.

My mother passed away two days ago and I just kept reminding myself of how selfish I was even though the people around me told me not to. Her burial was filled with me crying into John's chest and him shushing me but it didn't work. She was buried under the ground and she would never be alive again. I would never get to hug her again. We would never get to talk to each other. But if I try to look at it in another way, she'd be in a place where nothing hurts anymore and she'd be resting in peace happily.

Andy and I haven't spoken to each other since I went into the ICU where my Mom was being held. She might've visited once or twice but I knew it hurt her too much so she didn't come around to often.

Andy has every reason to hate me. She suffered through all this while I went away not even thinking about how they were doing or if my mother was sick. All the blame coursed through my veins. They were like cells. They divided. The building blocks of my life were guilt and blame. I couldn't stand being the same room with her because I knew that the pain she was feeling would only worsen so I kept my distance knowing that that was the right thing to do. They say time can heal most so I'm hoping that it would mend our relationship because I don't want to lose anyone else anymore.

Friday morning, I woke up to the light outside my window. The last thing I remembered from last night was sitting by the window and just feeling the Arizona breeze. It was something I really missed. I watched the trees sway and listened to the serene surroundings. I must've fallen asleep there and then someone must've carried me to my bed because I was wrapped in my blanket and I was comfortable on my mattress with a pillow beneath my head.

I couldn't spend my life like this anymore. Someone had to take care of things around here. I had to be responsible for my actions. My mother said that she had made her will. I had to call the family liar and ask him about it.

I went to take a shower and tried to wash every trace of sadness but the puffiness of my eyes were something I couldn't wash away. I was feeling a little better. My mother said she wanted me to be happy and to be able to move on. I didn't want to disappoint her so I guess this would be the first step.

Once I finished showering and brushing my teeth, I changed into some decent clothes since I was about to go into a place where I thought dressing casually would make me underdressed so once I put on my bra and underwear, I pulled over a sleeveless white dress that didn't reveal too much and stopped right above my knee. I blow-dried my hair and pulled it into a loose ponytail. I put on the necklace that had a locket as a pendant that my mother had given when I was about five and placed on the diamond studded bracelet that she had given me when I graduated high school. I wore these things not because I wanted to torture myself but because I wanted to remind myself exactly of what my mother had told me before she passed away. 'Be happy and move on.' That was my mission and I was willing to complete it.

Once I thought I looked good enough, I smiled at myself to give me some kind of encouragement and called the lawyer – whose number was taped to the back of the cordless - to make an appointment. He shared his condolences before telling me where to meet him and what time I should be there. I looked at the clock after the call got disconnected and saw that I had hour until I had to meet him.

He wanted to meet me at the Starbucks on the strip mall about 8 blocks from here. There was no way that I was walking in the hot Arizona heat so I guess I had to take my mother's car.

I walked down the stairs just to see John sleeping on the couch with his mouth hanging open. Nothing in the way he positioned his body as he slept made me think that he was comfortable. I pitied him as I tried my best to sneak past the sleeping bodies that were on the chairs and even some on the carpet on the floor. I told them not to stay here…

I was just walking into the kitchen to make myself coffee when all of a sudden, someone yawned and got up. The person was headed towards the kitchen. I didn't know why I was so scared but I started hastening my actions to get things done more quickly.

"Olivia?" I heard Garrett's sleepy voice call out.

I had already placed the coffee in the coffee maker and filled it up with water and plugged it in but it seems that time was passing too slow. I didn't want to have to face anyone before I left but I guess that that was inevitable.

"Good morning," I said giving him a small smile as he dragged himself around the island and pulled me into a hug. "I told you guys to go home and get some rest," I whispered into his ear as he prolonged the hug. "You guys are gonna get rashes from sleeping on the carpet and stiff necks from sleeping on the couch. You guys need a proper bed-"

Garrett cut me off by placing a finger to my lips telling me to shut up. I turned around just to see that the coffee maker was almost full. I grabbed two cups from the cupboard and poured coffee in both. I handed one to Garrett and got the creamer and sugar from the pantry and all the while, he kept a watchful eye on me. I gave an enthusiastic smile to show him that I was alright but he didn't buy it.

"So where are you headed?" he asked me as he eyed my outfit up and down.

"Oh, um, I'm going to meet up with the family lawyer," I told him and his eyes shot up at me as he took a sip of his coffee. "I need to start fixing this. I can't just leave it like this and give up on life. I have Andy to take care of and even though she hates me right now, I still have to this for the sake of keeping this family alive.

"She doesn't hate you," he said and I just shook my head. "Actually, I think she needs you," I took a sip of my coffee and gave me a questioning look.

"She has every reason to hate me," I told Garrett and he rolled his eyes. He knew I was being stubborn again.

"I don't hate you Olivia, I want you dead." I looked to the left and saw Andy still in her pajamas and a scowl on her face. She sneered at me and watched me with hateful eyes.

Her words shattered me into pieces.


	9. Chapter 9

I took the bullet and waited for more but Andy just chose to stand there and watch as her venomous Words tore me apart. Garrett tried to tell her that it wasn't my fault but I told him that it was fine. Andy didn't seem to care either way which hurt me but she was hurt so I guess in a way this was all understandable.

"Look, I'm gonna go meet the lawyer and we're going to talk about Mom's will. Do you want to come?" I asked her and she scoffed at my invitation.

"I wouldn't want to spend a day with you, if that's what you're asking," she said walking across the room and peering into the refrigerator for something to eat.

I looked at Garrett and gave him a small smile before draining my coffee quickly. I didn't want to upset Andy any longer so I decided to hasten my movement so I can get out of the house more quickly.

Garrett frowned at me knowing that I wasn't supposed to let go just like that. I knew I had to do something about this but I didn't know what to do exactly. I didn't want to hurt her even more so I guess I should just dismiss her rudeness and let her be for now.

I grabbed my bag and walked out of the kitchen and to the foyer to get the car keys. My mother's car was being fixed in the car and it was being paid for by the insurance companies so we had nothing to worry about. I took the keys to car I rode to the hospital and started walking outside.

I couldn't keep all the things I felt inside. Once I got in the car I knew it was safe because no one else would be coming out of the house anymore so I broke down in there. I knew that Andy would hate me but wasn't that just too much? I mean she wasn't the only one who lost her. I lost her too.

The pain was unbearable and having to add more to the list made it worse than ever. I was trembling as I tried to get the keys into the ignition. I had at least 30 minutes before the meeting and I bet looked like crap. I breathe out heavily and almost got a heart attack when I heard someone knocking on my car window.

"Hey, calm down, it's just me," John said opening the door on my side. I jumped out of my seat and into his arms and longed for his touch.

"You scared the shit out of me," I mumbled into his chest. I felt it vibrate a little as he chuckled.

"Where were you gonna go?" he asked me as soon as I pulled away. He wiped a fresh tear from my eye with his thumb and I leaned it into his touch.

"I'm meeting up with the lawyer," I told him and he smiled.

"Wait for me, I'm gonna go change and then I'll accompany you. Oh, and I'm driving," he said sprinting into his house before I could say anything more.

"You know, you didn't have to come with me," I told him as soon as we hit the pavement. IT was only a fifteen minute drive from my house to the meeting place and with each minute that passed us by, my nerves g0t more and more tense.

"Babe, what kind of a boyfriend would I be if I let my girlfriend go to a meeting with her lawyer, alone?" he asked me keeping his eyes on the road. I rolled my eyes at him and just laughed at his reply. He held my hand and brought it to his lips. I smiled at the gesture as I looked out the window.

"I never knew I had a boyfriend," I said looking at him as he parked the car in an empty space.

"Right, I forgot totally forgot," he said and I looked at him with both my eyebrows raised. "Olivia Cassandra Harper, would you do me the honors of being my girlfriend?" he asked me taking a velvet box out of his back pocket.

I looked up at him looking for any kind of sign that would tell me that he was joking but he wasn't. He was serious – dead serious, actually.

"Umm, John, what's in the box?" I swallowed hard as he gave out a light chuckle. He opened it slowly and it revealed the promise necklace that he had given me when I was thirteen.

The necklace had a diamond studded key as a pendant. He always told me that that key would be the one that would make him open up to me and that as long as I had it, he wouldn't keep anything from me. It was also a sign that told us that we'd be friends no matter what happened. I gave it back to him before I ran away because after what happened, our friendship didn't seem like something I wanted to keep.

"I can't believe you still have this," I told him as I took it from the box.

"I could never throw that away. It holds too many memories. Every night while you were gone, I kept it under my pillow hoping that you'd take it from me and wear it again." He said and I looked up at him guiltily. "It was the only thing that gave me hope. It told me that one day, you would come back." He said smiling up at me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek as I gave him a smile. We got out of the car and he slipped the necklace around my neck.

"So this means that you're my girlfriend now, right?" he asked me and I smiled at him.

"I guess it does," I said and he kissed my lips.

WE entered the coffee shop hand in hand as I looked for the family lawyer – Mr. Fredrickson.

I've seen the man before so it wasn't hard to spot him sitting by the window. His hair was now gray and the wrinkles on his face made him look older. He had his briefcase on the floor and a file on the table. Everything about him looked formal. But then again he was a lawyer so that was nothing unusual.

"Olivia, it's so nice to see you," he said as soon as he saw John and me approaching the table.

"Hey, Mr. Fredrickson," I Greeted taking a seat right in front of him. "This is John, my boyfriend," I introduced. John looked at me with a grin on his face.

They shook hands and then Mr. Fredrickson started with the will. From what was written on the paper, my mother left us the house that was already paid for, the cars that both had insurance, a really big amount of money and a separate bank account for Andy's education. She had so much planned for us. I can't believe she never told me about this.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked the lawyer as I leaned forward and placed my hands on the table.

"Sure, what is it?" he asked in a friendly tone.

"How long has my mother had cancer exactly?" I asked him. I knew that the doctor said that she was struggling for five months but with this all this stuff in her will, it seemed like she knew that this was going to happen.

"Well she was diagnosed early last year. But all the heavy symptoms showed up five months ago," he said. I looked up at him with shock in my eyes. She never said anything. Why didn't she say anything? She had no right to keep it from me like that!

"Why didn't she say anything?" I asked softly as I stared at my hands praying away my tears. This was too much.

"I guess she didn't want you guys to worry," he said cautiously.

I breathed out heavily as I looked up at him with a small, fake smile. "Well, thank you for your help today, Mr. Fredrickson," I said and he nodded as he kept the files.

"I hope you have a great day," he said shaking my hand before getting up and leaving.

"Babe, are you okay?" he asked me moving his chair over closer to me so I could lean into him.

I didn't answer him because I didn't know if I was or wasn't fine. I just cuddled into his chest and let the tears fall from my eyes hoping that John's body was enough to hide me away from people.

Why did she have to keep secrets from me?


	10. Chapter 10

I cried into his chest silently. I wasn't sobbing or anything. The tears sorta just fell from my eyes. John rubbed circles around my back and tried his best to comfort me but nothing was working. We walked out of the coffee shop after eating lunch but I didn't really eat much and that upset John a lot. He knew that I wasn't eating because I was upset and it hurts me to see someone else upset because of me. Why does life have to be so complicated?

We spent the rest of the day walking around the strip mall as he tried to get me to look at some of the things he thought I would want but all I did was shrug. I wasn't in the mood for shopping. I was in the mood to mope and feel down all day.

"Okay, let's go," he said grabbing my hand. I looked at him as I wiped the tears from my face and gave him a questioning look but he just shrugged it off and led me back to where he parked the car.

"Where are we going?" I asked him but he didn't answer me. He opened the car door to the passenger's seat and I slid in. I shut it myself as he ran around the car and got into the driver's seat.

He placed the keys in the ignition and pulled out of the parking space. He turned left once we hit the pavement which meant that we weren't going home yet. I sighed in relief at that and waited for John to say something about where we were heading but he just kept his eyes on the road and took turns here and there.

Suddenly, the path started to look a little familiar. We were heading to the deserted field that was filled with pretty flowers. It was some kind of meadow that had vegetation that never seemed to wilt no matter how hot it was. I remembered the first time John took me to that place.

There was one time, back when we were still in high school, where I got really upset about a harsh break up. He told me that it was gonna be fine and that I'd move on but I couldn't. He hurt me too much and I just couldn't contain my tears. I wanted to scream and shout and try to actually let all the anger pour out of me because the negative energy I was feeling wasn't only bringing me down. Everyone around me felt a bit of it too because when I get angry, I tend to take my anger and pour it out on the people I talked to. I didn't like that feeling and neither did John. He was the one I usually screamed at one I got upset so he tries his best not to argue with me to the point where I would get really frustrated.

John had his license and he couldn't take seeing me so down. I didn't go to school for a couple of days because I was too ashamed to face him. The whole relationship was practically a lie. He was already seeing someone the day after he asked me to be his. He was never the type of person who could commit to just one girl and sadly, I got caught up in that mess thinking that I could change him in a way.

Once John couldn't do anything to cheer me up anymore, he took me out on a little drive. He took several turns and I thought we were just going in circles but little did I know that he wasn't even thinking about where we were headed. But while I was in his car that day, I wasn't scared. When he told me that he was lost, we ended up getting out of the car and walking a few meters to this beautiful meadow like place.

This was where John urged me to scream my lungs out and tell me that it wasn't my fault. I got to feel the anger wash away from me and it felt good.

John was there through the whole thing and he listened to everything I said. He listened to every word I said and I didn't realize 'til the day after that he was one of the greatest friends that I've ever had. Most of my girl friends would never have listened to me like he did. They could never compare to him.

Ever since that day, we called that meadow ours. It was our little secret getaway place. Only he and I knew about it and ever since then, we kept it a secret.

John stopped the car in the familiar spot we've parked in several times. I got out of the car and smiled at him as soon as he got out. He locked the doors as we walked towards the place we've grown to know quite well.

He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me close. I leaned into him as we sat on the ground. I didn't really feel all that comfortable sitting on the ground since I was wearing a dress but I didn't feel like complaining so I plopped down beside him and leaned into him.

"Thank you," I said out of the blue and he shifted and turned his head to the side so he can see me. He had a light scowl on his face that showed that he was confused.

"For what?" he asked me as he laced our fingers together.

"For ever showing me this place," I told him as I looked out at the view. The sun was just about to set right in front of us. "Thank you for listening to me and putting up with all my shit." I said getting up from my comfortable position as I turned to face him fully. He still looked a little confused and had this face that told me that I shouldn't thank him for those things. "Without you, I think I would never have made it this far into my life. I would've flipped out on the whole world a long time ago.

"John Cornelius O'Callaghan, you're the only thing in this world that keeps me sane and I don't know why that just dawned on me today. I can never repay you for everything you do to me and I just can't help but think that I might not have been the person I am today if it weren't for you."

At this he smiled ever so sweetly as he crashed his lips into mine. There it was again –sparks.

I felt oddly calm and collected when he kissed me. It's like I felt really safe whenever his lips touched mine and I just never wanted it to end.

"Olivia, I love you so fucking much. I never want to lose you – ever." He whispered into my ear and I smiled with my eyes closed.

Never have I heard simple words sound so beautiful.


	11. Chapter 11

We lay on the ground and made the time pass away. I lay down on his chest and he kept a protective arm around my waist. We waited for the stars to shine above us and when the first star came out, I smiled to myself and John tapped my waist to catch my attention.

"Hey, there's the first star," his chest vibrated as he spoke. This was one of our traditions and usually he and I took turns. I didn't know whose turn it was but right now that didn't matter. "Make a wish," he said and I looked up to him and smiled.

"How sure are you that it's my turn?" I asked him and he smiled but kept his eyes up towards the sky.

"Because the last time I came here, I wished for you to come back," he said looking at me and I smiled and leaned down to kiss him.

"Fine, I'll make a wish," I said turning so that I was lying down on my back to face the lonely star.

_I wish that Andy and I will be okay again and that we'll move on from this together_, I thought and then hoped that it would come true.

"Made your wish already?" John asked and I nodded. "Alrighty then, let's go," he said and I got up.

He stood up first and lent me a hand which I gladly took. We walked back towards the car and then drove home with fingers interlaced.

"I'm starving," he said as soon as the drive was over and we were back at my house.

"Shit, I totally forgot that I had to make dinner tonight," I said rushing into the house which was left open.

I walked in but no one was there. I switched on the lights and saw that the house was completely empty. I went into Andy's room but she wasn't there either. Maybe the guys just took her out for dinner.

"I guess we have the place all to ourselves," John said coming up from behind me and scaring me.

I smirked at him as he wrapped his arms around me. I soon pulled away from him to go inside the kitchen and look for something to munch on. There was left over pizza in the fridge so I decided to heat that up for both me and John.

"Aren't your parents home?" I asked him as I looked inside the oven.

"Nope, they're out on a vacation in Hawaii," he said and I turned to look at him.

"Why didn't they take you with them?" I asked him as I sat on the marble countertop.

"Because I didn't want to," he mumbled but I knew that there was more to it so I looked at him with an eyebrow raised and he sighed heavily. "Okay well you're Mom told me that you were bound to come home some time soon so I decided that it was best to stay because I missed you," he said and somehow I wish I never asked him because just in that split second, every thought I've been trying to avoid flooded my head. But I didn't show it. I needed to be stronger and I needed to show everyone that I was fine because sulking never got me anywhere.

The oven dinged signalling that the pizza was heated. I grabbed mittens from the drawer and took the tray out and placed it on the counter. It smelled so appetizing and I was really hungry so I threw the mittens to the side and got a tissue paper before I took a slice to avoid getting hurt.

I blew on the pizza before I took a bite. John was watching me the whole time to see if what he said hurt me in a way but I was good at faking things so he didn't get anything out of me but even with that, he still kept a watchful eye.

I pushed the tray of pizza to him and he gave me a small smile. I returned it as he tried to pick one up.

"Fuck, that's hot!" he said causing laughter to erupt from my lips.

"Why don't you try being in oven for over 3 minutes?" I said after swallowing the chunk of pizza that I placed into my mouth.

"Babe, I don't have to be in an oven to be hot," he smirked. "I'm already hot," he said getting cocky as I rolled my eyes.

John lightened the mood as we ate and he sorta made me forget about what he said. Well keyword: sorta. But the fun had to end as soon as I heard the front door open and close.

Andy and the rest of the guys were back but they weren't being loud at all. I walked into the living room just to see Andy in tears while Pat, Kennedy and Jared all tried to comfort her. Garrett just sat on the couch with a sad face.

"Andy, what's wrong?" I asked as I approached her.

"Stay the fuck away from me!" she screamed and then ran into her bedroom. I was going to go after her but she locked it as soon as she was inside.

"Andy, please let me in," I said softly as I knocked on her door.

"You wish," she said bitterly and I swallowed hard.

"Please just let me in," I begged. She didn't answer this time. I put an ear on the door to listen to what she was doing. She was sobbing in her sheets and I couldn't do shit about it. It pained me to know that my own sister hates me and blames me for what happened. Maybe I did deserve it and maybe I didn't but I don't know. She's the only family I have now and I said this once and I'll say it again: I don't want to lose her.

I gave up on begging her to let me in after a while. I walked into the living room just to see Garrett seated alone on the couch. The rest of them were in the kitchen with John eating the pizza.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked him as I sat next to him. I pulled him into a hug and he squeezed me tightly.

"I'm so sorry," he said and I pulled away slowly and looked at him questioningly. "I couldn't do anything to change her mind about you. I told her a million times that she shouldn't be blaming you but she just won't listen to me." He said with a very heavy sigh.

I looked at Garrett and saw that he was actually pretty bummed about this but he shouldn't be. This wasn't his problem. "Hey, you shouldn't be worrying about this. It's not your problem and you shouldn't make it your-"

"But don't you get it? I'm so sick and tired of her talking shit about you behind your back. The whole time you were gone, she kept telling us that you left because you hated all of us and that you were just a selfish whore who wasn't appreciative about what she had or something like that," he yelled in all his frustration.

"S-she said that?" I asked. I never thought she'd do anything like that. I mean I never really saw her as that kind of person.

"She did," Kennedy said coming in from the kitchen and taking the seat that was right beside the couch.

"But when I came back, she didn't seem angry," I thought out loud as I looked at the ground.

Garrett placed a hand on my back and that made me look up to him. "I just want this whole 'her blaming you about your Mom' thing to be over, okay? I can't stand hearing things about you from her." He said disgusted.

John came in soon after and took my hand as he sat on the floor right in front of me.

"I almost gave up trying to wait for you when I heard about what she said. But I knew better," John said and tears started to form once again.

I bit my lip and looked at all of their faces. They all held the same emotion and I just couldn't believe any of this.

"But why?" I asked them but they all just shrugged.

"We're all here for you so you don't have to worry," Garrett said placing a hand on the small of my back as I tried to smile at him. John squeezed my hand tighter to recapture my attention.

He wore this very worried look on his face but I wasn't sure if it was about the current situation of the fact that Garrett had a hand on my back.

So much for wishful thinking.


	12. Chapter 12

We spent the rest of the night trying to forget about Andy and what she had said about me. We watched movies, played board games and card games and made S'mores. The whole night was filled with fun and laughter but I couldn't make myself have fun fully because the hole in my chest kept getting bigger and bigger and this whole faking my feelings thing was getting harder.

Finally when I told the guys that I was tired, I went up and changed into a tank top and shorts before I went to bed. I didn't really care if they stayed I mean this was practically their home too and they stayed over often.

John told me he'd be up in a while so once I hit the sheets, I let the tears fall hoping that by the time he'd come up, I'd be asleep and the tears would stop pouring. But they never stopped. They just kept pouring and pouring and suddenly, I couldn't just shut my eyes and make it stop.

I turned so that I was facing the window instead of the door which slowly opened and then closed. The bed shifted on one side telling me that John was about ready to sleep. He placed his hands on my waist and turned me slowly. I was hesitant but he was a lot stronger than I was so he got to turn me over.

He frowned when he saw me in tears. "Babe, don't cry," he said using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. "If you're gonna keep crying, I'm gonna start crying," he said mocking one of those overly emotional stereotypes on TV.

I laughed and nudged him playfully to the chest as he towered over me. He leaned on his elbows as I felt him against me. He made the crying stop as he connected his lips to mine. I was in pure bliss and I never wanted it to end.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer and he placed his hands on my waist. He slid his tongue against my bottom lip and I let it enter and let mine play with his. We were just making out when all of a sudden he pulled away and looked down at me. He stroked my cheek and I slowly let my arms slip to cup his handsome face. I gave him a real smile and kissed him passionately.

He rolled over to the side and broke the kiss apart. We cuddled for a while before he sang me to sleep. He did this a lot when he came over to sleep with me. I loved how his voice comforted me and made me fall into a deep slumber whenever I told him that I couldn't sleep.

The last song I remembered hearing from him last night was something I've never heard before. It was probably a new one and I should've paid more attention to it but my eyes didn't let me stay up anymore. I was going to ask him about it in the morning, no doubt.

It wasn't soon until I opened my eyes the next morning. I looked around to see the digital clock reading 5:30 A.M. I wasn't really surprised to be up this early since I've been up at this hour a lot for a morning run but I wasn't up for it today. I felt pretty tired from the tear shedding last night. I wanted to go back to sleep but I couldn't. I got up and kissed John on the cheek. He responded my stirring. I replaced my body with a pillow which he wrapped his legs around. I laughed at this before heading down the stairs carefully for a cup of coffee.

Kennedy, Jared and Pat weren't in the living room. They must've gone home. It surprised me to see Garrett snoring away on the couch and I was about to grab a blanket from the closet when the snoring stopped and I heard footsteps coming near me. I turned around and smiled at him as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He looked like a cute little boy and watching him try to keep himself awake was adorable.

"Good morning," I greeted him and walked to him to pull him into a hug.

He mumbled something I couldn't decipher as he wrapped his arms around me. I smiled as I pulled away and started making coffee.

"Why are you up so early?" I asked him as I waited for the coffee to fill the pot.

"I wanted to be the first one to greet you good morning," he said and I laughed and shook my head at him. He sat on the stool by the island counter.

"You want me to make you anything for breakfast?" I asked him as I looked in the cupboard for some cereal.

"Cap'n Crunch in a bowl with milk, please," he said with a big smile on his face and got what he asked for.

I poured the cereal in the bowl first before the milk and grabbed a spoon and handed it to him. "Voila," I said and he clapped his hands like a little kid who just saw a magic trick.

"Wow, you are so good at making these things," he joked and I rolled my eyes as I poured some coffee into my mug.

"So what made you stay here?" I asked him as I lifted the mug to my face. I blew the coffee to cool it off a bit.

"I didn't want to go home," he said and I creased my forehead as I took a sip of coffee.

"Why?" I asked him as I set the coffee down and sat across him.

"Because no one would be there," he told me and I nodded.

I was about to say something else when all of a sudden, I heard a knock on the front door. Who would come visit us at 5:30 in the morning? I hopped off the stool and asked Garrett to wait in the kitchen. I walked to the front door and opened it.

"Aunt Emily?" I greeted as soon as I saw my mother's older sister on the other side of the door. "I didn't know you were coming," I said hugging her and looking at the bags she was bringing.

"Well, when your mother passed away, I decided to come take care of you guys. Hopefully it's not a problem," she said and I rolled my eyes and helped her bring her bags in.

Aunt Emily had always been my favorite aunt. She visited every Christmas and came on every birthday we had. She wasn't married but there were times where she came over with a boyfriend but they never really lasted long. She was a kid at heart and that's why I loved her so much and her being here to take care of us sorta lifted a heavy weight off of my shoulders. I thought I was doomed for sure.

"Hey Olivia, I was wondering if you had any-" Garrett said coming into the living room but stopping when he saw my aunt.

"Oh, Aunt Em, this is Garrett. Garrett, this is my aunt, Emily," I introduced and they shook hands.

"Is this your new boyfriend?" she asked me and both Garrett and I blushed.

"Um, no," he said almost immediately.

"Yeah, we're friends," I said and she laughed.

"Well, I'm gonna go freshen up now, okay?" she said and I nodded as she grabbed her bags and went into the guest room that she's grown accustomed to.

I nodded and watched her head inside the room which has always been hers since no one really used it. I turned to Garrett who was staring aimlessly out the window. I poked him lightly in the rib and he poked me back as he went back into the kitchen and ate his cereal.

I started to drink my coffee since it was a lot cooler now. Garrett and I talked about my aunt and I told him all about her.

"So she's gonna be hanging out here all the time now?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yea, she'll be living with us pretty much to keep everything in order." I said and he nodded.

I knew that he was thinking hard about something but I didn't want to ask him what it was about so I just drank my coffee.

Having Aunt Em with us was some sort of blessing. Somehow, I knew that this was something good. She always knew how to straighten people out. Mom once told me that she was the one who helped her get through the problems she had and that without her she would've never made it this far. I hope that she'd do the same with Andy. I hope she could fix her in a way so that she could wake up from the current state she's in.

I just hope that she'd stop hating me already.


	13. Chapter 13

It was quarter to seven in the morning and Garrett went home to take a shower. I didn't really want to just sit around here so I changed into some clothes suited for running and put my running shoes on. I grabbed my iPod from the room and plugged into my ears as I slowly crept down the stairs. I know that I was somewhat tired today but I was too bored and everyone else was asleep.

I stretched a little before walking down the sidewalk. I had fifty dollars in my pocket but that was about it. Once my stride picked up, I started running and matched my strides with the rhythm of the upbeat song that was playing in my iPod.

I've always loved running around in the park but since there was no park within the premises, I had to jog around the suburb we had right here. I was out of breath once I reached the tenth block so I slowed myself down a bit as I took a turn to the left. I walked for a while before breaking into another run again.

It seemed like only minutes passed before car started zooming down the road most probably for work or school. I had no sense of time and I was getting really dehydrated so I spun around on my heel and started heading back towards the house in a slow jog and an occasional walk.

I was panting when I reached the front door. I didn't want to go in since I heard Andy screaming for some reason. I didn't really know who she was talking to but I just hope it wasn't Aunt Em because if she was neglecting her too then I'm gonna be screwed.

I sat on the swing that was on the front porch for a while and caught my breath. Once I couldn't take the dryness in my throat anymore, I walked in the front door.

"Shut the fuck up!" I heard John yell. "That's not true! She'd never do anything like that!" he sounded really angry.

"Yeah, well you don't know her like I do!" Andy said.

"Seriously? That's all you can come back with?" he asked. Apparently, no one noticed me coming in even if I was breathing harshly.

Andy didn't say anything. She turned her head to the side and saw me standing there in my very sweaty state – drenched clothes and all. "Nice look, suits you well." She said sarcastically before heading out the door and slamming it shut when she got out.

I shook my head at the comment and shrugged it off as I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Once I quenched my thirst, I turned around to see John with a sad look on his face. Even when he was sad, he was still drop dead gorgeous. I swear if looks could kill, I'd probably be cremated before they burn my whole body.

I wiped my sweat off of my forehead and threw the bottle in the trash bin and walked in the living room where he was just staring at the floor.

"John?" I called out to him and reached and touched his face once I was near enough.

He lifted his chin up a little to look at me. He gave a sad smile before sighing.

"What's wrong?" I asked him letting my hands slip down to my sides. He grabbed one and tangled his fingers with mine before bringing me up the stairs and into my room.

He locked the doors and pushed me against it and started kissing me.

"John, I'm sweating," I said as soon as he pulled back for air. He smiled evilly.

"Wanna take a bath together?" he asked and I laughed.

"No," I said slipping out of his hold and walked towards the dresser and picked out some clothes.

"Aww, but I wanted to have a bubble bath with you," he said crossing his arms over his chest and pouting like a three year old.

"We'll talk after I'm done, okay?" I said turning around and heading in to the bathroom that was connected to my room.

I closed the door and got out of my clothes before hopping in the shower, closing the curtains and drowning myself in water. I was in the middle of soaping my body when I heard the doorknob twisting. Shit, I didn't lock it.

"John, get the fuck out here," I said quickly rinsing everything off my body. Once I got that done, I turned off the water and grabbed my towel and wrapped myself around it.

"Aww come on, just one peek?" he sounded desperate but I wasn't about to show myself to him naked.

"No," I said sternly as I stepped back and leaned against the wall clutching my towel closely.

"Why is 'no' the only answer you have for me?" he said grabbing the curtains and pushing it aside slowly.

"Because you don't ask the right questions," I said as soon as he opened the curtains fully. He frowned when he found me in a towel but he some kind of agenda in his sick little head and that was what scared me the most.

He grabbed my waist and brought me closer to him. My hands stayed on the part that was holding the towel together scared to death that he might just rip it off of me if my hands were placed elsewhere.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on my lips. I had some kind of thought that he might just be doing this to avoid the interrogation that was about to sprout after I changed but I don't know.

"John, are you coming on to me because you're trying to avoid the questions I'm about to ask?" I asked him as I pulled away slowly.

"No…" he trailed off seeming uncertain. I looked up at him and he sighed. "Okay fine, maybe I was trying to avoid the whole interrogating me about your effed up sister."

I was surprised that he sorta censored his language about my sister. The other guys would've just said the word. "What happened?" I asked and he moved me to the room and he sat on the bed. I on the other hand went and changed really quickly back in the bathroom and left my hair to dry on its own since I wanted to hear the whole story.

I sat down next to him and looked at him and prodded him to start.

"Okay, well when I woke up, I didn't see you beside me so I kinda freaked and ran down the stairs. Andy sorta heard everything and told me that you were out fucking some other guy or something," he said and my jaw dropped. "I know that was my reaction too,"

"Isn't she supposed to realize that I'm not the one to blame by now?" I asked as I creased my eyebrows. How many more knives can I possibly take before my patience blows up like a volcano?

"She never was supposed to even think that," he said lifting my chin up. "It was never your fault,"

Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault but why did Andy think differently? Was this about something else? Was she mad at me about something else? Was I getting the whole message wrong?

What did I do now?


	14. Chapter 14

John and I spent the whole day at the park three blocks away from my house. We used to hang around there a lot when we were in high school. Whenever we cut class, this was the place we would go to and our parents would never find out. No one we knew went to that park so it was more or less a place where we could be kids just playing around. Today we relived those high school memories and slid down the slides and swung in the swings. We even played on the seesaw for quite some time. And as part of tradition, at the end of the day, we got ice cream.

I loved how we still lived like nothing changed and that we were still the same. It was like reviving each memory in the past and living like it never happened before. It was sad though that the sun was about to set in a few hours and that I had to get back home.

"Thank you so much for today," I said wrapping my arms tightly around him as we reached the front door of my house.

"Anything to keep you happy," he replied and I rolled my eyes at how cheesy that sounded.

"You are such a lame loser," I laughed nudging him playfully in the chest.

He chuckled as he kept his eyes locked in mine. "But I'm your lame loser," he said stroking my cheek. I smiled at him sweetly as he leaned down to kiss me.

"The guys are coming over to my place a little later," he told me after we pulled apart.

"I'll swing by later," I said winking at him as his smile grew wider.

He ran across the lawn and went into his house as I got into mine but as soon as I opened the front door, I wish I hadn't. Aunt Em and Andy were having a screaming contest. Oh dear I wonder what'll happen now.

I don't understand why the hell she's neglecting everyone around her. It would be irrational if she set her mind into thinking that no one could comprehend what's going on in her mind because she hasn't even tried talking to any of us yet. Maybe she talked to some of the guys but she definitely hasn't talked to me about what she was feeling and I felt really bad that she didn't open up to me.

"What do you mean she left you? She was here before your mother passed away." Aunt Em tried to keep herself calm but the irritation in her voice was quite evident.

I guess I could just stay here for a while since they didn't really notice me coming in here. Luckily there was a wall between the foyer and the living room. If that wasn't present, they would've stopped and I would never get to hear my sister speak her mind.

"But she wasn't here when Mom was struggling! She wasn't here to take care of her!" Andy shouted back at her. Her voice didn't stutter but she was crying harshly. She took in deep breaths every now and then. Fortunately though, Aunt Em was never one who would sympathize you when you cried while you were having some kind of argument. Maybe she'd feel bad but she wouldn't stop trying to argue with you until she made some kind of point or she shared her ideas and such.

"It's not her fault that she had to find herself somewhere. We all have that moment where we just need to recollect and discover where we are in this world and if what we're doing is right. She had to get away for a while because she needed to do just that," I can't believe Aunt Em went that far to defend me. But then again there might've been some things that Andy had said before they reached to this point of the conversation.

"So she has some fucking problems. Well so do I but you don't see me abandoning my mother to go to New York to slack off and be a whore!" Andy said frustratedly. I could just picture her throwing her hands up in frustration. What she said hurt but I had to suck it up. Sobbing never did anyone any good so why would I be an exception?

"Andrea Mackenzie Harper, watch your language and the way you talk about your sister!" Aunt Em scolded as motherly as can be.

By now, I was trembling. I heard cars pull up the driveway but I had no intention to just head out and run to John's house to get away from all of this. I had to hear this no matter how much in hurt and killed me inside.

"What do you mean sister? How can I call her that when she took away the man I saw myself with in my dreams? How can you say that she's someone I can trust when she broke me apart and made me think that I had a shot with him when she went away for a year? I mean I was happy to have her back but I wasn't expecting her to rip me apart by taking John away from me!" This was a moment that called for an outburst or something but I couldn't even bring myself to speak for once. For a very social person, this had my mouth shut.

She liked John? She wanted to be with him? She saw herself with him? She dreamed about him? She had feelings for him? What else didn't I know about? Was I missing something? Didn't she know that we had some kind of history? Wasn't she the one who told me that he still had feelings for me and told me to go for him? Was this some kind of twisted game? Was this all a lie? Was she just telling lies to Aunt Em to avoid confrontation?

"So you're mad at her for being with someone she's had feelings for since the O'Callaghans moved in here? You knew for a fact that they would be together and now you're mad at her for fulfilling everyone's expectations? Honey there are so many more fishes in the sea for you and you have the rest of your life to find the right one for you," Aunt Em spoke in a soothing voice.

"I just thought he was the one. When he talked to me he gave me those weird tingly feelings and I just…" Andy trailed off. She sighed heavily and the silence consumed most of their surroundings.

"Andy, I know that sometimes things like this can be confusing but Olivia needs you right now and I know deep inside that you need her too no matter how much you try to deny it. You two have always been inseparable and it would be heartbreaking to see you two shunning each other away. So stop being so stubborn and tell her you're sorry when she comes back home," Too late, I'm already here and I'm not sure I can forgive her fully now.

"You won't tell her about this will you?" she asked calmer now.

"Of course I won't," I can't believe this. They were actually planning to keep this all away from me.

I can't believe I live with a house full of liars.


	15. Chapter 15

Just then I slammed the door shut to tell them I was home. I ran past them and went up to my room. I locked myself inside and let the tears fall from my face. I felt so betrayed. What other secrets do they have about me? Was this the only one or were there a thousand more I didn't know about?

I collapsed onto my bed and cried myself dry for about two hours. I didn't want to have to think about anything. I just wanted to drift off into a deep slumber and pretend like the last part of this day never happened. But the knock on the door wouldn't let me have my way.

"Baby, you there?" John cooed from the other side of the door.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to answer him or ignore him but something in me told me that I needed him. So I got up and wiped the stray tears from my eyes before unlocking the door and stepping back as it opened. I looked at John with sad eyes and his eyebrows creased with worry.

I breathed in heavily as he shut the door. He pulled me into his arms and walked us both to the bed.

"What's wrong?" he asked me but I just kept my head stuck to his chest. I shook my head telling him that I didn't want to speak. He got the message and started tracing patterns on my back.

The silence was starting to make me feel drowsy but just then, John started to sing.

"_She could be money, cars, fear of the dark, __  
__your best friends or just strangers in bars.__  
__Whoever she is, whoever she may be, __  
__one thing's for sure, you don't have to worry_"

I listened to the words this time and even though it was short, it still seemed beautiful. I pulled away a little so I could look up at him and he was looking down at me as he played with my hair. I gave him a quick smile and kissed him on the lips.

"Is that a new song?" I asked him softly as he nodded and smiled at me.

"Yeah, it's not finished yet, though but when it is, I want you to be the first one to hear it," he said and I smiled as he pulled me closer to him.

"John, did you know that Andy had feelings for you?" I asked him absentmindedly as I played with the top of his shirt.

"Actually, I did," he said hesitantly and it seemed like he was embarrassed about it.

"Did you ever-"

"But I told her that she couldn't ever replace you. I mean she's a nice girl but I never saw myself with anyone else after you know…" he said cutting me off. He sounded so sure with the words that he said and I believed every word that came out of his mouth.

"I just never really thought she'd try to steal you away from me," I told John in just above a whisper. "I mean I told her exactly how I felt about you and she was the only one who really knew anything. I just don't understand,"

"I didn't either," he said. "But she did tell me about some of the things she thought she felt whenever I was near her and stuff like that and I was creeped out for a while," he said with a laugh.

I smiled at what he said. I wanted to stop feeling bad already because the feeling of sulking didn't feel good. I'm just glad John doesn't get annoyed as much as I do when I feel this way.

"Aren't the guys at your place?" I asked him and wondered why he was here when he had some company back at his house.

"Yeah, I came over here because you said you'd swing by but you never did," he said and I bit my lip.

"Sorry I kinda forgot," I lied. A little white lie wouldn't hurt, now would it?

"So do you wanna come over to my place?" he asked and I wasn't sure what to say. "Or would you rather sleep here?"

"Well, seeing that its only 8:30, I guess I could hang for a while," I told him and he smiled from ear to ear.

"Good because if you wanted to just stay here, I would've stayed here with you," he said kissing my cheek.

"But you have people at your house," I said sitting up slowly. My head started spinning but then the dizziness faded after a few seconds.

"But I can't kiss them in the lips and tell them how much I love them," he whispered into my ear.

I smiled and placed my arms around his neck and connected our lips. We made out for a while but then he started to get up.

"C'mon, I told them we'd be there before 9 and if we keep kissing like this you're gonna make me do bad things," he said innocently looking from side to side like a nervous kid.

I laughed at him and placed my arms on either of my sides. He took my hand and we walked down the stairs together.

We were laughing about something while we were heading to the front door when suddenly, Andy came into view. Her eyes were just as red as mine but hers looked guilty. I looked at her with a blank expression as her gaze shifted up to John. I mentally cursed at her before she averted her eyes back to me.

"Can we talk?" she asked.

How about no?


	16. Chapter 16

"Go on and talk to her," John whispered into my ear. "I'll be waiting in my house," he said before kissing my cheek and walking past Andy out the door.

I sighed as I nodded at him. I watched him leave before turning my attention to Andy who had her hands behind her back. She was looking at the floor so I cleared my throat to get her attention.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked her trying to sound calm but it came out somewhat harsh. Guilt washed over across her face and I watched as the tears started slipping from her eyes. Water works wouldn't work on me and if she thought they did then she thought wrong.

"I'm so sorry about everything," she started to say. The rest of her speech was pretty predictable. She said sorry for saying crap about me and talking shit behind my back and being a complete bitch to me after Mom died even if she knew I was hurting. I expected it all from her and I wanted to hear one more reason for her apologies but it never came out of her mouth.

I nodded when I needed to but tuned the rest of her words out. I didn't want to hear it because I didn't know if I was supposed to believe her or not. She lost my trust and I don't think she'll be able to work hard enough to get it back. You might think I'm a total softy but just so you know, I can hold a grudge against you for as long as you live no matter what good things you do to me. But if you do however prove me wrong and earn it back then lucky you, I guess.

"Will you ever forgive me?" she asked me and I just wanted to scream in her face and tell her 'no' but that would be totally irrational and irrationality is not what we need right now.

"Yeah," I said just above a whisper as I shot her the best fake smile I could come up with and guess what? She bought it. "You should go get some rest. It looks like your eyes are gonna shut themselves if you don't," I told her.

She pulled me into a hug and cried into me. "Thank you," she said in between sobs and I rubbed her back up and down before letting go and leading her to her room.

She got in and I hurried out the door and to John's place. I wanted to get away from that place. I felt so bad about lying but what else could I have done? I mean I can't just keep pretending that everything's fine so I guess if I stay somewhere else, I'll be lying less.

"Olivia!" Pat called out as soon as he saw me come in through the front door.

He ran towards me and pulled me into a bear hug. "Hey Pat," I finally said after giggling.

"I missed you so much," he slurred.

"I think you're drunk," I told him as he let go of me.

He faked a gasp and placed a hand on his chest. "I'm a good boy!" he exclaimed and started running into the kitchen screaming, "Garrett! Olivia said that she thought I was drunk!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

I laughed as I walked into the living room and saw Kennedy and Jared passed out on the couch. Well, Jared was on the couch and Kennedy was on the floor but his legs were on top of Jared's which were on the couch so I guess part of him was still on the couch, or not.

"Olivia's here?" Garrett asked in deep wonder as he emerged from the kitchen. I turned to look at him with a smile as he walked towards me and pulled me into a hug. "Are you okay now?" he asked me and I pulled back a little to look at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"Don't play dumb with me. I know what happened with Andy. John was kind enough to give us a newsflash," he said and I laughed.

"Speaking of, where is John?" I asked and Garrett's smile faltered a bit but I sorta shrugged it off.

"Right here, babe," John chimed in coming down from the stairs. I smiled at him as I walked towards him and planted a kiss on his lips. "Whoa, what was that for?" he asked clearly a little tipsy but I knew he knew how to hold his alcohol. He's been doing quite well for years.

"For being there for me when I needed you most," I said wrapping my arms around him. He smiled down at me and kissed me back.

"Ew!" I heard Pat exclaim but I couldn't really care less about what he thought about what we were doing. He and I liked each other and there was nothing he could do about it.

I smiled as I broke away and winked at him. I left for the kitchen and grabbed myself a beer. Pat and John were bickering about something stupid while Garrett followed me in. He looked worried.

"Garrett, I'm fine," I told him after downing quite a big amount of alcohol. "Stop worrying about me," I said smiling at him as his lips formed a straight line across his face.

"How can I not worry about you?" he asked me and I rolled my eyes and matched it with a sigh.

"I don't know," I said finishing the beer. "But if you keep worrying, you'll be doing John's job for him," I laughed. Great, one beer and I was already feeling tipsy.

"Yeah, and no one would want to do that because John's the only one who can worry about you," Garrett said sarcastically as he shook his head.

It didn't seem like he was joking. Was he actually serious about the whole thing?

"Garrett," I said going around the island counter as I placed my bottle on its top. "You care too much about me and I think it's holding you back a bit." I told him.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"I mean I think you should find a girl for yourself so you can show all the wonderful things you hold inside of you," I told him with a big, bright encouraging smile.

"Whatever," he said turning away from me and walking to the back porch.

I stared after him as he stalked off into the dark. Did I say something that hurt him in a way?

"Hey, what're you doing here alone?" John asked and I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him as I tried to hide my bewildered expression.

"Nothing," I said. "Hey, can I crash here tonight? I don't really want to have to go back home," I told him.

"Anything for you," he said as he kissed my forehead and led me upstairs.

We settled on a movie to make the time pass but it was pointless since we ended up just making out and not minding it at all. I didn't even know what movie he played but I was too preoccupied by his lips touching mine and my thoughts to stop and look at the screen.

My thoughts were too much to handle. I didn't know why my brain stopped to dwell on what happened between Garrett and me in the kitchen.

Did he seriously have a problem with me?


	17. Chapter 17

John cradled me in his arms. I felt his warm breath on my neck as I woke up. It was comforting and nothing could ever feel better than having him wake up next to me in the morning. I tried to get out of his hold without waking him but it was impossible. As soon as I tried to move, he tightened his grip on me and pulled me back to him. His scent surrounded my nose and I couldn't be more pleased about it but sadly, if I didn't do anything about it, my bladder would burst and I'd wet the bed.

"John, I really need to go use the bathroom," I told him but he didn't move. He planted kisses on the crook of my neck. "It's not funny, John," I said feeling the need to pee become worse.

"Yes, it is," he said giggling like a sissy girl as he got on top of me. He started to kiss me on the lips and I was trapped under him.

He held my wrists down on the bed and trailed kisses from my lips to my neck and back. But I couldn't enjoy myself as much because I needed to use the bathroom badly.

"John, I swear, if you don't let me go this instant, I won't talk to you for a week," I threatened but he only smirked at me.

"I dare you," he challenged and I rolled my eyes. He knew me too well. He knew I was bluffing. This was one of the cons about knowing someone too well. I couldn't threaten John.

"Please, please, please let me go," I pleaded and he smiled as he shook his head before leaning back in to kiss me.

"You have to say the magic words," he told me looking into my eyes.

"Didn't I say 'please' three times already?" I asked him and he smiled.

"That's not what I want to hear," he said whispering into my ear. His hot breath was tickling my ear and that was hardly helping my situation.

I thought about what he might've meant but I couldn't think the straight. I was getting really antsy about my bladder bursting any time now.

"I can't think straight right now," I said moving my legs so that I'd be more comfortable.

"Well I'll give you a clue. The sentence has three words, eight letters – five vowels, three consonants – three syllables and you have to mean it when you say it," he said sweetly and I smirked knowing fully well what he meant.

"I love you, John," I said kissing him on the cheek. "Now will you please let me release everything that's filling up my bladder?" I asked him and he got off of me and nodded.

I ran straight to the bathroom and locked the door and relieved myself by peeing. I washed my hands once I was through and walked out of the bathroom just to see the bed empty and the bedroom door open. John must've gone down to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

I walked down the steps and saw Kennedy watching a movie. Jared was beside him and Pat was outside doing only God knows what. Garrett was in the kitchen with John and I was afraid to face him. I mean what if he hated me for what I did or didn't do last night? I didn't even know what I did.

"What do you wanna eat?" John asked me as soon as he was all set on the table with a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

"Don't worry, I'll figure it out," I smiled at him and then looked at Garrett who was looking at me with an expression I couldn't make out.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked me cocking his head to the side to tell me that he wanted to go somewhere private.

I nodded and looked at John – who was just confused as I was about this – and followed him out. I sat on the porch as he sat across me on the railings. He and I just stared each other for a while and it was got kinda awkward. He was the first to regain his composure and start the conversation.

"Look, I'm really sorry about last night," he started to say, "I wasn't really myself and I don't know what came over me," he said sounding genuinely sorry about what transpired.

"What exactly happened last night?" I asked him. I mean I knew what happened but I just didn't get it and I was hoping that he could clarify but he told me that he didn't know either.

"I guess it was the alcohol…?" he said making his statement sound like a question.

"Really? I mean you hardly seemed drunk or something," I said and he sighed.

"Do you really wanna know what's going on?" he asked and I raised an eyebrow. Was there really something he was hiding from me?

I nodded vigorously and waited as he composed himself.

"Well, um, I sorta, uh, this kinda hard to just say but I hope this doesn't affect anything but I sorta, uh, I sorta like-"

"Garrett!" I heard someone call from the house next door – my house.

Andy came running to the back porch from the secret way that I discovered about as a teenager. I used it to sneak in and out of the house whenever I went out for a party and John covered for me and vice versa. We'd always tell the 'rents that I was sleeping over at John's and weirdly they never found it weird that I spent a lot of time over at John's house. I guess they trusted us like that.

"What do you want?" Garrett asked somewhat bitterly as he faced her.

Andy's smile faltered a little but it bounced right back on her face. "I wanted to show you something," she told him and he rolled his eyes as he sighed and got down from the railings. "Oh, hey Liv," she greeted acknowledging my presence.

I didn't really feel the need to narrow my eyes at her and treat her like shit. I mean what's done is done and I can't really do anything about it and besides she and John were never together so what do I have to worry about?

"Hey," I said softly before she grabbed Garrett's wrist and pulling him towards the house.

I tried to think about what that might be all about but hey, it's none of my business so why should I try to dwell in it?

**Garrett**

I was finally going to tell her. I was going to get it all out. I might've stumbled as I looked for the right words but I tried. I wanted to be freed from this heavy weight on my shoulders but Andy had to ruin everything. I hated her guts and I hated her. She always found a way to ruin my day. The very sight of her made me want to chew her head off.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked me as soon as she dragged me away from what might have been a shot at being with Olivia.

"What do you think? I was going with the plan we had," I told her and she rolled her eyes.

"Gar, I'm really sorry but I think tearing them apart because we're selfish is a very bad idea. I don't even know why we thought about it," okay, first of all, this was all her idea. I was only dumb enough to think that it might work.

"We were almost there you know," I told her sternly. "You could've gotten John and I could've gotten Olivia, how hard is that to understand?" I asked her and she sighed heavily.

"Look, dude, I don't want to disappoint her anymore. I don't want everybody hating on me anymore. Besides I don't have a shot with John," she told me and I wanted to say that I might have a chance with Olivia and that I didn't care about her side of this thing but I wasn't that cold-hearted.

"Whatever, I'm going back home," I told her getting out of her backyard and walking towards the front of John's house where my car was parked.

I wanted to be with her but I couldn't tell her that.

She doesn't know half of what I feel and maybe she'll never know for sure. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Olivia**

John and I spent the day just fooling around and trying to make the time pass. He told me that he and the guys were going to play a gig at a local bar tonight and I was excited for them. This would be the first time I've seen them play for a while. I thought about what I might possibly wear tonight for hours but John made sure that that wasn't the only thing running through my mind. He made small gestures that made me think about how lucky I was to have him as my – I know it might sound tacky but it is what it is – boyfriend.

He made me think about the way he made my skin tingles when he touched me, how he shot chills down my spine whenever we kissed and even the way he looked at me sent butterflies in my stomach. I wasn't meant to be all cheesy but he made me this way. And what's even stranger to me is that it feels like I fall head over heels for him day after day. It doesn't seem like the same feeling. I mean I'm not sure if these feelings I have for him rise up in levels but it seems like it changes everyday. I don't know maybe it's just me. God, why does he do this to me?

"What're you thinking so hard about?" John asked as we walked down the parking lot to the entrance. We are down at this mall since we got bored in the house.

"Nothing," I told him but he rolled his eyes at me. The cold breeze from the air-conditioner hit us as we went through the doors.

"Come on, I know that face," he said placing his arm around my shoulders.

I laughed at him. "There is no face!" I said but he just raised an eyebrow which caused me to roll my eyes. "Fine, I was just thinking about…" I trailed off. I thought it'd sound stupid if I said it out loud.

"About…?" he asked urging me to continue.

Okay, if he does feel the same way, he won't joke about it. This could be a test for him and hopefully, he won't end up holding this against me. I didn't want him to make fun of me.

"You and well how you make me feel," I whispered but he heard every single word.

A smile spread across his lips and he kissed my cheek. "Well, I can't really tell you how I feel about you in words but I can always show in action." He said and I laughed and nudged him in the ribs.

"You are so perverted," I said.

"But I'm your pervert," he said trying to sound sweet.

I gave him a look of shock which he laughed at. "Do you realize how sick you just sounded?" I asked him as I laughed along with him.

"Whatever, you still love me," he said and I rolled my eyes as I nodded in agreement.

"You're right that is true," I said.

We stopped in front of this arcade and we both looked at each others with smiles on our faces. So many things happened in this arcade. One of which was John tripping in front of this girl he liked while trying to look cool when we were about seven – where I thought John was just some annoying boy who had too much pride in him.

John took my hand and dragged me to the claw crane that was filled with stuffed toys. He had his eye on a specific one and bought some tokens before trying to get the bear he wanted. I had no doubt that John would get it on the first try. He used this trick to impress girls all the time. So when he dropped the bear in the chute and grabbed it from the bottom and handed it to me, I simply thanked him with a smile.

"Seriously? That's it?" he asked sounding sorta surprised that I didn't swoon over his claw crane skills that I've watched him improve over the years.

"John, how long do you think I've known you?" I asked him clutching the bear across my chest. It was soft and cuddly.

"Too long, I'm guessing," he laughed. "I hate how I can't win you over with simple tricks," he said but I think he was meant to lock that thought up in his head.

"Well, think of me as a challenge then." I said winking at him before heading to the air hockey tables. I always won over John here.

"Fine, I'll make you a deal. If you win against me in air hockey, I'll prepare something that'll sweep you off your feet and make sure that you'll never ever think of me as cheap again," he challenged.

"And if I lose?" I asked him as he put in the amount of tokens needed for the table. I placed the bear at the side of the table so that my hands would be free of any distractions.

"Well, we'll figure something out," he said and I laughed as I took the puck and hit it and aimed it at the hole that he was trying to defend.

"We all know who wins air hockey, John," I teased as I caught him open at one end and scored a point. He tensed up but shrugged it off probably convincing himself that it was just a point and that he could earn it back whenever he wanted to.

"Things have changed, Ms. Air Hockey," he bragged as soon as he caught me off guard.

We went at it for a really long time that no one scored a point. The timer was running down and I was trying desperately to find a space where the puck could pass through so that I could win the game. Sadly the time expired and neither of us was able to score. It was a tie game and laughter got the best of us. It was stupid that we actually took the game seriously.

"So what happens now?" I asked him as I slid the puck in one of the goals. I retrieved my bear and held it tightly. It was weird because I actually liked the company it gave me.

"Well, it was a tie so I guess we both win," he said placing his arm back around my shoulder as we made our way out the arcade and walked around the mall. "Which means you have to prepare to be surprised,"

"Am I supposed to get you something as well?" I asked him.

"Only if you want to," he told me. I smiled at him as we made our way back home.

The guys had to practice before the show so I went back to my house to prepare my outfit for tonight. Apparently, Andy was going as well. I just hope she's not gonna start bothering me by trying to mend our relationship. I didn't know why but somehow I still felt kinda bitter about things.

Once I finished sorting through my closet for the attire I was going to wear tonight, I lay on my bed with my teddy bear that John named Mr. McFluffy. Don't ask me how he came up with that because I wouldn't even know. He just told me to name it that and well I couldn't really do anything about it so I just stuck to its name.

I held him close as I shut my eyes for a nap hoping that by the time I get up, the situation wouldn't be as bad as it seemed.

Hoping that when I wake up, I can look at my sister the same and not have to look at her with bitterness.


	19. Chapter 19

The show went well and I couldn't believe how much John has grown musically. Well the other guys improved a whole lot too and I don't doubt that they'll grow even bigger in the near future. I bet sooner or later, they won't be safe in their own homes. But I don't really mind I mean for as long as their happy, it's fine.

That night, Andy bailed which was good. I didn't know what the hell I'd do if she was there beside me watching them. I didn't strike a conversation with her since that little talk we had before I went over to John's house and slept there.

It was already 6:20 PM on the clock and I was as nervous as someone who has stage fright and was about to go up on stage to start belly dancing - never in my life will I do anything like that by the way. John was picking me up 4 minutes from now for some unknown reason. He couldn't just say he'd come over at 6:30 but I didn't mind for as long as he was sure to blow me off my feet.

I spent the last four minutes curling my hair with a curling and iron and picking out the shoes that were sure to match my dress. I didn't know how I was supposed to dress, really but I might as well dress nicely so that I wouldn't be the only one with a jaw that wouldn't close. Well maybe my outfit wasn't _that_ amazing but whatever.

A knock on the door made my heart stop. I rushed down the hallway and looked down the stairs. Aunt Catherine had let John in and he was wearing something really casual. Talk about the first V-neck shirt he ever owned, a pair of jeans and black chucks for shoes. I was beginning to feel a little overdressed but hey, at least we were wearing the same colors - black and white.

I went down the stairs as quietly as possible but even my descent was being loud. I mentally cursed myself for trying to impress him when this was probably just going to be another outing. At least I had chosen not to wear make up or anything like that.

"Wow, you look amazing," he said and that makes mission number one a complete success.

"Thanks," I said reddening just a little on the cheeks.

He kissed me full on the lips before checking the clock on the wall. "Right on time," he said and I raised an eyebrow.

"What is?" I asked him clearly confused.

"6:24 PM, we had our first kiss," he said and I laughed.

"That is the dorkiest thing you've ever said," I said clutching my stomach at how cheesy what he said sounded. John pouted and that made me stop laughing but the smile on my face was still there. I kissed him on the cheek and that sorta made him feel better. I mean he did start smiling again. "It's okay, it was pretty sweet though," I said and he pulled me into his arms.

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet. Prepare to be blown away." He said as we went out the door and started for his car.

"Where exactly are we going?" I asked him as we both got into the car.

"Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore now, would it?" he said and I rolled my eyes.

The whole ride there, he kept talking about how the stars would look like tonight. I didn't really know why he jumped into such a random conversation but I just played along with him since it would be mean not to answer when he would ask me something.

We arrived at Kennedy's apartment building and I was wondering if we were about to meet up with the guys but before I could get out of the car, he grabbed a blindfold out of his pocket and wrapped it around my head.

"Don't take it off and no peeking," he instructed and I just laughed at how silly he was being.

"Whatever," I said opening the car door. I heard his door open and close swiftly and as I was about to step foot on the ground, John grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car since I would probably end up stumbling due to my lack of vision.

John started up a new conversation as soon as we hit the stairs. It was going to take some getting used to but after a flight, I climbed up the stairs without much problem. John kept his hand in mine for guidance though.

"Don't you ever wonder why the grass is so green?" he asked and I wanted to laugh so badly and kept wondering why he had to go through this whole fiasco just to show me that he can blow me away. I was seriously if this was what we were going to be doing the whole day.

"Well, maybe I have and maybe I haven't," I said feeling the walls and realized that there were no more stairs left to climb. I felt really exhausted. It seemed like we climbed the whole 12 flights.

"We're here," John said and I heard a door open and we walked through it. A soft zephyr passed us and it was a little too chilly for an Arizona evening.

I eagerly took off my blindfold and realized that we were on the rooftop of the apartment building where he asked me to come on tour with them. I looked at everything in front of us. There was a small picnic set up with a basket and a few things on the mat. I walked towards it wanting to see what was on it.

I sat down on a spot where there was nothing on it and took of my shoes. My feet hurt and I was sure that blisters would appear on my heel some time soon. On my left, there were a bunch of things - familiar ones. There was a shovel and pail, a flashlight, a box filled with paper, a notebook, a photo album, a collection of key chains, a pack of gum, a bag of sour gummy worms, a box of crayons, and there was a picture that was torn but was taped back together.

Tears filled my eyes as I remembered what each and every little thing meant. I felt an arm around my shoulder and I didn't realize 'til I turned my head that John was there looking at me the whole time. I smiled at him as a few tears made their way down my cheek.

"Before we dive into these things, let's get something to eat first. I'm starving," he said and I laughed. I felt so fragile around him but I knew I was safe in his hands.

He grabbed two sandwiches neatly wrapped in foil. They were hot so I guess it wasn't long since he wrapped them up and placed them up here. I smiled at him once I unravelled the wrapping and found a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

"This was what you're Mom used to make us when we'd play around your backyard the whole day," I remembered as I took a bite.

"Well, she left three of those in the house so I decided to heat them up for this," he said and I smiled as I kissed him on the cheek.

"I always loved these," I said taking another bite.

"But that's not all yet," he said looking for something in the basket and grabbed a few things from the cooler next to it.

"Wait, let me guess, Kool-Aid?" I asked him and laughed when he looked back at me with narrowed eyes telling me that I'd ruined the surprise.

"Well, I bet you didn't expect it to be the Fun Fizz kind," he said with a childlike grin and I laughed.

"You got the Fun Fizz ones?" I asked in between laughs and he nodded as he grabbed a plastic cup and placed water in it. The water was cold so we didn't need any ice. "I've always wanted to try them.

"Here," he said handing me a small Kool-Aid pack. I smiled as I looked at the flavour. Laughin' Lemonade.

"How'd you know-"

"Come on, do you really think I don't know you at all?" he asked and I laughed as I opened the pack and took out the yellow drink drop which would make the water in my cup turn into lemonade. John grabbed his own cup and opened his own pack and retrieved a violet drink drop. "We'll drop it together okay?" he asked and I laughed as I held out my drop and placed it on top of my cup.

"I guess this would take the place of stirring together?" I asked and he smiled.

"You know me too well," he said and we dropped it together and he kept cheering about how his would drop would dissolve first and we were both pretty loud but we didn't care. Our whole lives, we never really care about anything.

We ate and drank our juice together as we laughed about more and more memories we had as children.

"Okay so you remember the shovel and the pail right?" he asked and I nodded enthusiastically.

"Whatever happened to the sandbox in your backyard?"I asked him and he frowned.

"Mom made it her little garden," he said and I placed a hand on his back and rubbed it up and down. "But that's why there's sad inside the pail, see?" he grabbed the pail and showed it to me and I smiled as he set it back down.

He told me about the flashlight and made me remember the times where we used to turn out all the lights in his room and go around the house looking for 'ghosts' whenever his parents weren't around and my mother would ask me to go and accompany him. John was always disappointed when he couldn't find anything inside the house and down in the basement. To my embarrassment, I always asked him if we could stay in his room because I was a kid who believed that ghosts were real. I know, I was stupid once too. After our little ghost hunt, John would always cheer me up by handing me a pack of sour gummy worms. Usually, I'd always end up crying or getting mad at him for scaring me. He won me back with a pack of candy. I wasn't really a hard kid to be with.

Then he started talking about the crayons and I laughed as I remembered what it meant. The very first day in Kindergarten, we colored a few pages and everyone would always tell me that I colored nicely but there was one person who always told me that I wasn't the best 'colorer' out there. That girl - whose name I do not remember - said that if I colored nicely one more time she'd break all my crayons. I chose not to listen to her threat and the next day, I found all my crayons on my table - broken and crushed. I cried the whole day that day and told John about it when I came home. The next day, when I opened the door to my room, I saw a box wrapped in paper with his messy hand writing saying 'It's OK '. I remember opening it and treasuring those crayons forever. I never brought them to school though. They were always in John's room where I'd bring my coloring books and color on them whenever he wanted to just watch TV.

"Moments like those I would never be able to forget," he said and I pulled him into a hug as more tears started flowing from my eyes.

What they say's not true. Memories don't just fade away.


	20. Chapter 20

I never wanted this night to end. I mean taking a trip down memory lane wasn't what I expected and this was just purely amazing. From the grilled ham and cheese sandwich to the Kool-Aid, it's been one hell of an awesome night. Something that'll probably be remembered years from now when John and I have another date and try to remember everything we've been through. That is if we last that long. Well right now, I don't have any doubts but maybe it's just me.

We talked about the keychain collection for a while and how we always bought a keychain from wherever we went over the summer and then linked them together using the rings. John and I never really spent the whole summer together. Part of it was usually used for travelling to another state of America. We were content with just visiting states since some states are different most.

After we talked about the keychain collection, we looked into the photo album that our mothers made for us to look back on when we graduated in high school. That night, we were alone in his room since our parents trusted us enough and understood that we needed our privacy. John was about to head out for his first tour then. They got signed and they were so psyched to get out there and show the world what they had inside of them. I missed John but he always came back and that was what truly mattered.

I picked up the familiar looking notebook after going through every cute and embarrassing picture in the photo album. I couldn't believe I was a kid who loved getting really messy when I ate. I had those pictures where I had something edible painted all over my face but at least I was happy. I was having fun and I was rejoicing every minute of it.

"How long has this been with you?" I asked John as I grabbed our old doodle notebook. I set the photo album aside and traced the cover of the notebook that seemed to hold another fraction of memories.

"Ever since we graduated, I guess," he said and reached for the notebook and opened it.

"I can't believe you actually kept this," I told him laughing at a few drawings that I thought were 'cooler' than his in the past. We'd always have these little competitions about who had the best drawing and as I looked at all the stuff I used to do, John was a definite winner. My stuff couldn't stand a chance against his.

"Can you believe how many fights we made over whose drawing was better?" he laughed as he reminisced. I smiled and leaned into him as we scanned the pages together.

"What's this?" I asked him after we went through the last page. I grabbed the box with paper inside and grabbed one.

I unfolded the piece of paper and read its contents. Blood rushed up my cheeks when I realized that it was one of the poems I used to make as a teenager. I bit my lip as I tried to read what was written on it without cringing or shuddering from all the cheesiness it entailed.

"You should throw all these away," I said folding the paper back and placing it in the box. I grabbed some more and started skimming through it slowly remembering when and why I wrote all this.

"Are you kidding? Most of these are great," he said placing an arm around me as a cold zephyr passed us.

"Yeah, but we all know that you can write way better than I can," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Your compositions are actually a big help to me whenever I try to look for something to inspire me enough to write a new song," he said sincerely.

"Whatever," I said, "you'd do fine with or without these things,"

"And how would you know that?" he asked me but I just shrugged. "Well then I guess you're wrong and I'm right,"

"Okay, okay," John's competitive side was back. I nudged him in the rib as I placed all the papers away and placed the lid back on top of the bus.

"There's one more thing," he mentioned and I pulled away to look at him. This was more than enough already.

"Seriously? There's more?" I asked him and he laughed at my reaction.

"Just one more," he said and then he got up and ran to the side of the rooftop and retrieving something from the side of the door which we entered from. I didn't even notice that there was a guitar case leaning against the side of the wall.

I watched as John walked back over to the mat and sat down next to me with a guitar in his hands. "You do know that I'm a sucker for almost all of your songs, right?" I told him and he smirked.

"Well this is a new one," he told me and my eyes widened up a bit. "I wrote it because of you," he said and I felt a little flustered but I didn't show it too much since I was too eager to hear what he had written.

_I'm on a trip__  
__I can't get off, can't get over__…__  
__I want it all__  
__I want it all__  
__Inside of you__  
__I call you up__  
__you're getting off__  
__I'm coming over.___

_You're twenty-one__  
__I see your eyes, you're barely sober.__  
__I hear your voice__  
__you're calling out from me to you.__  
__I pour a drink, you move in quick__  
__you're moving forward__  
__then you said__…___

_No, whoa, __  
__I'm never gonna be inside of you__  
__And I said__  
__No, whoa, __  
__I'm never gonna see inside of you__  
__Because I know__  
__I'm gonna fall __  
__And you'll be waiting for it all__  
__Because I know, I know, I know__  
__I can't get inside of you___

_This fragile game__  
__It's like a train that's headed nowhere__  
__It never stops__  
__And I can't see the exit sign.__  
__We're headed north__  
__I see the cliff we're getting closer__…___

_So don't say that you just want to runaway__  
__Replay all the things that I tried to say__  
__I'm twenty-one, so you're getting off__  
__I'm coming over.__  
__Then you said__…___

_No, whoa,__  
__I'm never gonna be inside of you__  
__And I said__  
__No, whoa,__  
__I'm never gonna see inside of you__  
__Because I know__  
__I'm gonna fall __  
__And you'll be waiting for it all__  
__Because I know, I know, I know__  
__I can't get inside of you___

_HEY!___

_I'm on a trip__  
__I can't get off, can't get over__…__  
__I want it all__  
__I want it all__  
__Inside of you__  
__I call you up, you're getting off, I'm coming over.___

_No, whoa,__  
__I'm never gonna be inside of you__  
__And I said__  
__No, whoa,__  
__I'm never gonna see inside of you__  
__Because I know__  
__I'm gonna fall__  
__And you'll be waiting for it all__  
__Because I know, I know, I know__  
__I can't get inside of you___

_I know I'm gonna fall __  
__And you'll be waiting for it all__  
__Because I know, I know, I know__  
__I can't get inside of you___

_I'm on a trip__  
__I can't get off, can't get over__…__  
__I want it all__  
__I want it all__  
__Inside of you__  
__I call you up, you're getting off, I'm coming over.__  
_

I was speechless for a while and then tears started streaming down my face. He placed his guitar aside and then pressed his lips to mine. It just felt so good to be here with him right now. I've never felt more alive.

"I wish the things that happened never happened. I mean as a kid, every thing to me was so simple and now, it's getting more and more complicated. Growing up did this, I wish I never grew up so our lives would've been easier and we'd both be having fun just doing the things we used to do," John told me and I smiled.

"Well, if what happened to us never really happened, we wouldn't be here right now in this spot doing these things together." I told him. "John I don't care if we grow up as long as I'm with you. That's all that really matters to me," he smiled at what I said and reconnected our lips.

Looking back, I wished that maybe I took the time to really appreciate every single detail that went on in my life. But then again, maybe I don't have to turn back the time to do that. Maybe all I need is to look ahead of me where hope can be found.

Where John and I will surely last forever…


	21. Chapter 21

John and I spent the rest of the night looking up at the stars. We were lying on the picnic mat with everything pushed aside so that we occupied the whole thing without having to get a part of our clothing dirty because of the rooftop floor. Our hands were intertwined and I couldn't think of something else I'd rather be doing than lie here with him beside me.

"So, what did you think about the whole night?" he asked me and I smiled thinking about it.

"It definitely blew me away. That's for sure," I told him and he smirked.

"Can't help but say I told you so," he said. "You should never ever underestimate me again,"

"Aww, but where's the fun in that?" I asked him and we shared a laugh.

I just loved moments like this where it was just John and I that mattered. It was as if everything else was a world away and we were the only two people here who actually existed but of course moments like those had to end one way or another. Sadly, this moment for me ended too soon.

My phone started buzzing after a few more seconds of comforting silence. I got up and reached for my phone.

"Hello?" I said answering the call. I didn't really know who it was so I waited for the voice to come on the other line.

"Where the hell are you?" Aunt Catherine sounded angry but I knew she was just worried. She really shouldn't be concerned though.

"I'm with John," I told her and she sighed.

"Well you should've called," she said in a less harsh voice.

"Sorry, I guess I just lost track of time," I said turning back to look at John who was starting right at me with those beautiful eyes of his.

"Well do you need me to wait up for you?" she asked and I chuckled.

"No, you should get some rest." I told her.

"Okay, take care of yourself," she said and then we both hung up.

"Who was it?" John asked as soon as I lay back down on the mat. It was actually 3 in the morning. I guess she did have a reason to get all worried about me since John and I don't usually stay this long out.

"It was Aunt Catherine," I said. "She was just worried and stuff,"

"Well she shouldn't be. I'm here and that's my job," he said sweetly and I laughed as I rolled around and got closer to him.

"I think she knows now that I told her," I said as I got up slowly and yawned.

"Well I guess we have to get going now," he said and I looked back at him with curiosity in my eyes.

"Why?" I asked and he smiled.

"Because you're getting tired," he explained and I pouted.

"No, I'm not," I told him as he got up and started to put everything back into a basket.

"Come on, let's go," he said and I got up and helped him pack up.

We went down the stairs and then dumped all of the stuff inside his car. We drove home with a little music playing from the radio. We didn't really talk much but I didn't care. Being with him after everything was enough already.

Once we got to his house, I helped him unload everything into his living room where more memories kept coming back to me. There were things that I remembered because I wanted to but there were also things that I wanted to forget but if we only remember the good things and not the bad then, life wouldn't be as exciting now would it?

After doing everything that needed to be done, I sat on the couch of the living room as I waited for John to come back from the bathroom. Thinking back, I think life has been better than I thought it would be. I mean maybe there were lots of rough patches along the way but without them, things might not be the same and only now do I realize that.

"So where are you going to sleep tonight?" John asked as soon as he came out of the bathroom.

"I don't know, maybe I'll head back to my house or something," I said getting up. "Good night," I was about to twist the door knob when all of a sudden, he pulled my arm gently and spun me around so my back was on the door. He pressed up against me slightly and placed his hands on my sides.

"Don't leave," he whispered into my ear and I was starting to get a little uncomfortable. I mean I think I knew where this was headed and I really didn't want it to go there just yet. I don't know why but in a way, it felt like I was about to do it for the first time and I was having these weird nervous feelings in me.

"John, it's like 3:30 in the morning, you have to get some sleep," I said trying not to give in to the butterfly kisses he planted all around my neck.

"But I don't wanna sleep alone tonight," he whined and I laughed.

"You're a big boy now-"

"And you're a big girl, we could have a sleepover," he said trailing his hands up and down my sides.

"But I didn't ask permission yet," I said playing along with the act he was trying to put up.

"Don't worry, I'll explain everything to Aunt Catherine tomorrow," he said placing his lips on mine and kissing me with so much passion.

His tongue dance around with mine as he pressed his body against me and I felt like if he continued to do that, I'd be flat in no time.

He lifted me up so that our height was levelled and I wrapped my legs around his torso skilfully. The next thing I knew, we were both in his room and he dropped me on the bed. His hands travelled from my sides to my thighs and I've never anything so magical before. His touch was so gentle against my skin that it just made me crave for him more but deep inside, something told me that this was wrong and that I shouldn't be doing this right now. It seemed totally rushed, really. But that didn't stop him.

His hands slid up from the exposed skin on my thighs to the inside of my dress. He made his way to my sides and stopped there. He was out of breath so he pulled away for a while and traced incoherent shapes on my skin.

"John, stop that," I said trying to pry his hands off me now that he was tickling me. My dress was all up to my stomach now so the bottom part of my body was pretty exposed and John seemed to enjoy it.

"Okay," he said making his fingers behave. He kissed my cheek and moved down to my ears as he whispered, "I want it all, I want it all inside of you," I laughed at this as he planted more kisses on me.

His hands were on the hem of my dress and he was about to pull it over my head but then I sorta freaked and pushed his hands away from me roughly. John was frightened by my sudden movement but I had to get this through his head one way or another.

"Um, John, I don't think I'm ready for this," I told him pulling down my dress. I looked out the window as I spoke. I was too afraid to face the look in his eyes. I knew I'd hurt him but it just didn't seem right.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to pressure you into something you didn't want to do," he said. I looked back at him and knew from the look in his eyes that he was devastated. I mean who wouldn't be after what I did? I'm so stupid.

"No, it's okay." I said biting my lip. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?" I said getting up. I didn't know why but somehow I thought leaving would make this all go away.

"No, just stay," he said and I just sorta stared at him for a while. He smiled at me before pulling on my arm.

I scooted over next to him on the bed after I took off my shoes. He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled into my neck. He tried to tell me that he was happy.

But deep inside, I knew he wasn't.


	22. Chapter 22

It felt so good to sleep next to John. I never thought falling asleep would be even more comfortable but his arms around my body proved me wrong. I rolled around on his bed to get away from the sunlight and longed for his arms but as soon as I rolled over and felt the space on the bed, I knew he wasn't awake anymore. I was about to get up when all of a sudden, I heard him coming up the stairs talking to someone on the phone.

"Of course I'm upset. I mean I did so much for her already and that's how she pays me in return?" he sounded so aggravated. Was he really talking about me?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was actually really upset that I said no to him. How was I supposed to make this right? Was I supposed to just have sex with him because I feel bad about this whole situation? This is crazy.

"Yeah, whatever, I'll call you later." He said and I rolled around in bed pretending to get up.

"Who was that you were talking to just now?" I asked John sitting up on the bed and rubbing my eyes.

"Oh, uh, no one," he told me. "Look, the band has an acoustic show later today and I need to get going so I can practice. Feel free to help yourself with anything that's in the house," he said getting up and grabbing the keys that were on the bedside table.

"Where and what time is the show?" I asked him.

"I don't really know for sure," he said heading out the door before I could ask him anything more about it.

Okay, so he was giving me the silent treatment now. That's new. I never really thought he was capable of doing something like that. I didn't like that he was sulking about this whole fiasco. I mean I told him I wasn't ready which meant that I wanted him to wait. I was going to be ready someday but last night didn't feel really right for me.

I got out of John's bed and looked for my ballet flats. Once I found them, I set my feet inside and went out down the stairs and out the door. He didn't have a right to be angry at me and knowing that he is angry makes me angry. This situation has kindergarten spelled out all over it and I can't believe I wasn't doing anything about it.

I walked back to my house and trudged up the stairs and got into my room. Maybe a little shower would cool me down. I got out of my clothes and locked the bathroom door and started rinsing myself with cold water. It was definitely a refreshing feeling but it wasn't enough to get me to forget about what John said. It was as if he didn't appreciate my being with him. If this was really how he felt about me, he should've just told me and we could've ended it right there.

Once I finished my shower, I brushed my teeth and dried myself off before heading back into my room for a quick change of clothes. I shut the blinds and closed the doors before I took of my towel and put on a set of clothes for any casual occasion. After putting on some clothes, I looked at the clock in my room and it read 11:28 AM. I guess it was time to get something to eat then.

I went down the stairs and noticed that the whole placed seemed kinda empty. Aunt Catherine was probably out and Andy was in school. I had the whole place to myself practically.

I fixed myself up something for brunch and ate in solitude as I looked outside the window. A knock on the front door got my attention. I got up and walked towards the front door and opened it without looking into the peephole.

"Hey," Garrett greeted as soon as the door was out of the way. I stepped aside to let him come inside.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked him as he sat himself down on my couch.

"I didn't really have to go to the set today since it was an acoustic so I'm spending it here with you," he said but I didn't really believe that.

"Seriously? Aren't you supposed to be there for like, I don't know, support?" I asked him and he rolled his eyes.

"Okay, maybe I'm here because of something else," he said sitting up a little straighter. I walked around the coffee table and sat right beside him on the couch.

"Like what?" I asked him and he hesitated before answering.

"Well, I couldn't really take any more of John's complaints." He said watching me as I watched the words roll out of his mouth.

"What's he been saying?" I didn't necessarily have to ask this question since I sorta knew what the answer was but no one knew that so I had to go with the flow.

"Shit about how he didn't, you know, with you last night," he felt uneasy saying the words. I wonder why…

"That's all he talked about today?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Pretty much, I mean you know when he wasn't singing, he was talking to the guys about how he thought you were being selfish," he muttering everything after he said 'pretty much'. This was so unfair.

"He didn't say anything about the things before that?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Where are you going with all this?" he asked seeming perplexed.

"I don't know but it sorta hurts knowing that he was doing all that sweet stuff to get something in the end," I said staring at the wall in front of me. "I mean I thought I meant a lot to him and I thought you all said he changed but hearing him get upset over such a petty thing proves that maybe he's still the same. He only wants to be with me because he wants sex and I just don't see that happening any time soon," I said staring down at the table as I remembered a past memory that I should've erased from my head months ago.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" he asked placing a hand on my arm. I turned to look at him and nodded slowly.

"It happened only a month ago," I started to say and he seemed to tense up a little. "We had a party after a show we did and it was held in this pent house. I didn't really know who the owner was but everyone else was going so why not join in, right?" I paused taking a big breath as I tried to remember everything that happened. "Anyway, there was this guy in the party that seemed to be stalking me. At first I thought that maybe he was just looking my way because there were a lot of really pretty girls near me but when I went into the kitchen, I was wrong. He asked me if I wanted a drink and I said yes. I wasn't all paranoid when I was with him so I thought that maybe he was a nice guy trying to hook up with me or something but while he was mixing my drink, I saw him slip something in it. He thought that I didn't notice so I acted like I didn't know exactly what he was up to.

"We started to talk for a while but then he noticed that I wasn't drinking what he fixed up for me and I told him that I would drink some later. He didn't really choose to believe me so he got me a beer instead and he didn't really place anything in the bottle so I drank that. I totally forgot how intolerable I was when it came to alcohol so after about three bottles or so, I was completely intoxicated but not to the point where I blacked out or anything. It was just mild slurring and hazy vision.

"Then, he asked me if I wanted to get inside a room with him. I wanted to say no but I didn't want to make a scene. Once he got me inside the spare room, he started to get all touchy-feely with me and I pushed him away. He thought I was just playing with him so he started to kiss me and then I tasted something so disgusting I thought I was going to throw up in his mouth. That night, the guy who I was with was high on drugs and ready to get laid and I…"

"And then you what?" he asked me sliding his hand down from my arm to my hand. He squeezed it once as tears started forming in my eyes as the scenes replayed over and over inside my head.

"I gave in. I knew what would've happened if I didn't give in. He'd probably beat me up or something and once that happened, no agency would hire me for anything. I would have to wait out a couple of months for bruises to heal and I didn't have that kind of time to waste. I was living on my own out there and I had no money to sustain me if no one hired me for anything." I said letting the tears flow from my eyes.

Garret's arms wound themselves around my body and I hugged him tightly trying to forget what that night felt like.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you," he said through gritted teeth as he pulled away a few inches to wipe my tears. "Is that guy still bothering you?" he asked and I nodded.

"After that night, I felt like someone had been watching my every move so once my mother asked me to come home, I took the first flight home where I felt safe." I told him. I can't believe I actually forgot about all of this once I set foot on this place. It was as if the sight of family and friends washed all the bad memories away.

"Don't worry, you don't have to go back there anymore," he told me and I nodded as I crawled into him. I let him comfort me as I tried to fight all the tears away.

After a few minutes, the door swung open and John came in. I sorta expected a knock but I guess he knew that no one would be home but me and he never really knocked on my front door as a child so I guess he still kept that habit.

"What happened here?" he asked getting inside.

I don't know what came over me but I buried myself in Garrett's chest somehow afraid of what John might do to me.

"Dude, if you're here to complain some more about what happened last night, I suggest that you leave right this instant." Garrett said wrapping a protective around me.

"That's none of your business," he snarled at Garrett.

"I don't want to talk to you," I said keeping my head in Garrett's chest. I didn't want to talk to him anymore after what I told Garrett. Maybe in time I could forgive him but I don't know.

"Whatever," John said. I heard the door open and slam shut and knew that he wasn't there anymore.

I pulled myself away from Garrett and apologized for soaking his shirt. He told me not to worry about it and that I was welcome to cry on him anytime. That made me smile but the smile faltered after a few seconds. I made my way back into Garrett's arms and made myself comfortable.

"I wish I could've been there for you," he said kissing my forehead.

"I wish you could've been there too,"


	23. Chapter 23

Garrett and I spent the rest of the day trying to look for something to keep us occupied for a long period of time but all we did was watch a couple of DVDs. But I wasn't really sure Garrett was watching the movies at all. He seemed really distracted. It was as if what I had said to him boggled in his mind and never really settled down. I looked at him in concern and once he noticed me staring, he quickly snapped out of his phase and asked me what I wanted to do next.

"Clearly it's bothering you," I told him but he simply raised an eyebrow and asked me what I was talking about. "I never should've told you about what happened back at New York," I told him looking at the blank screen in front of me as I felt him tense beside me.

"Are you crazy?" he asked facing me fully. I turned my body to look at him as his face showcased every bit of anxiety he felt right this moment. "I'm glad you chose to open up to me. I never would've known if you never said anything," he said.

"But what would you have done if you hadn't known?" I asked him but he just shook his head.

"What's done is done. You can't take back what you said," he told me.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked him not really knowing where he was going with all of this.

"I don't really know either," he said.

Silence filled our surroundings and soon, it turned awkward. I got up and went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water but Garrett was apparently tailing me. It was as if telling him what happened made him feel the need to protect me every second of the day.

I didn't really mind anymore since it was probably the initial reaction. It'd probably blow over sooner or later, right? And plus, I think having Garrett by my side will keep John away. I mean I know I can't avoid him forever but I don't want to talk to him right now. I need some space first. Or at least I think I do.

A few seconds later, I heard a few knocks on the door. I walked to the front door to open it. Once I twisted the knob and pulled the door, Kennedy, Pat and Jared walked in. They all greeted me with hugs and I asked them to come in. I thought they'd probably start thinking differently of me after what John told them but I guess I was wrong. I guess words don't really affect guys as they do for girls.

Everyone starts making themselves at home and Garrett and Pat are in some kind of conversation which sooner or later would probably turn into some kind of argument. I didn't really want to be around these guys right now so I just went out to my front porch and sat on the front steps.

I watched as the clouds started to move across the sky. They seemed dark and heavy. They moved in front of the sun and then suddenly, rain started to pour.

I looked up at the sky and watched the fat droplets of water fall from it. Part of me thought that something up above was probably feeling the same way as I was but I don't know.

It took me time to realize that John was actually on his porch watching me. I turned to look at him and all he does is stare back. I bite my lip and then turn away. Seconds later, I heard footsteps come from the house next door and then John was right in front of me. He lifted my chin with his semi-wet fingers. There was no doubt that he looked more handsome with the rain trickling down from streaks of his brown locks.

His touch sent shivers down my spine. He sat down beside me and cleared his throat before he said anything. "I'm sorry," he simply said.

He wrapped his fingers around mine and I seriously wanted to just push him away but even I knew I didn't have the strength to do that.

"What for?" I asked looking out at the rainy scene in front of me.

"You know what for," he told me and I looked at him with an eyebrow raised telling him that I want to hear him spit it out. "I'm sorry for expecting for something that I really shouldn't be thinking about just because we had a great night," he said vaguely.

I turned and looked away as memories started to flood back into my head. I shut my eyes preventing from following the sky. I didn't want to have my own set of tears running down my cheeks. It'd be awkward in a way.

"Hey, look at me," he said pulling my whole body closer to his. He then cupped my face in his hands and stared intently into my eyes. "I mean what I said and I was stupid for not appreciating everything you've done for me," he told me. "I'm really sorry,"

"This isn't about you," I told him as tears escaped from my eyes.

He looked at me with concern and I wasn't really sure if I wanted to fill him in on the whole incident. But right when I was about to open my mouth, the front door opened and John's hands retreated from my face and Garrett shot John a death glare.

Tension started building up between them and I felt the urge to get up and push Garrett back inside the house before anything crazy happened but all I did was sit there and wait for things to unfold right before my eyes.

"Don't you think she's been through enough?" Garrett asked John who now looked confused and angry mixed in one expression.

I looked at Garrett warning him not to say anything stupid but he doesn't look at me. His focus is all on John.

"What are you trying to say?" John asked Garrett who rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"Back in New York, Olivia got raped by some douche bag. That's why she didn't want to just give herself up to you," Garrett spat out and I got up and got in front of him.

It was clear that anger was evident in my eyes. "I trusted you with that information," I told Garrett as I shoved him in the chest and made him fall backwards. Luckily there was a wall right behind him.

"He had to know," he said.

"I was going to tell him eventually," I argued. I knew I was going to tell him but I wasn't about to just blurt it out like that.

"Really? And what might that have been?" he asked rhetorically.

I kept silent and watched him as he went back inside the house leaving John alone with me on the front porch.

John had this shocked/pained look on his face that looked hurt in so many ways. I'm not sure if he felt bad because I didn't tell him or if he was actually feeling guilty but whatever. I didn't need this shit right now.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked getting up.

"Because I forgot about it…?" I told him leaning on the porch ledge for support as I stared out into the rain. I knew this day would come but I wasn't really ready to face it.

"How can you forget about something like that?" he asked clearly frustrated.

"I don't know, John. Maybe because when I saw you guys, I was reminded that there were actually people who loved me for me and that made me feel safe and happy." I spat at him.

I didn't want to have to deal with all this right now but apparently I have to.

There's no escaping this anymore.


	24. Chapter 24

Silence filled our surroundings. The only sound that was around us was the rain. Usually, the sound of water touching the ground comforted me but with all this tension, comfortable is the last thing worth feeling right now.

I turned around to see what John was doing or if he silently retreated into my house but he was right there on the front porch with his face in his hands. I bit my lip as my eyes started to imitate the clouds. My lips started to quiver as I tried to open them up. I remembered everything that happened that night and the scenes just kept playing over and over again just like a slideshow but only it never ended. I breathed in softly as I sat back down next to him – ready to tell him exactly what went down.

I started to talk about how the night started. His head didn't perk up. Instead, he placed his hands down but kept his eyes on the ground as if he was too afraid to look at me while I reiterated everything to him.

The more I talked, the more I started tearing up until finally the tears freely came down upon my cheeks and trailed down my face. I told him how it happened and got into details. I watched him tense with every sentence and wanted to stop but I couldn't. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to ever speak about it again so I guess I have to give this my all so that after this, I won't be able to say anything about it ever again.

"The next day, I found myself alone in the room and saw that he actually left his number on the pillow that he managed to sleep in. I didn't save it and I thought it was all over but after that day, I felt him watching him. When I went to the coffee shop down the street, when I went to the grocery or even when I went home, I felt like someone was watching me. I found out that he really was stalking me because one day, when I went back to my apartment and looked out the window, I saw him leaning against a post across the street and he was looking right at my window. That's why I agreed when Mom asked me to come home." I said wrapping up my story.

I heard his breathing get harsher and harsher as everything grew silent and the rain stopped. I looked away from him and was about to get up and go back inside the house but then the porch swing shifted.

"How could you just-" he seemed too aggravated to even finish his sentence. I looked back at him and touched his arm. He tensed but then softened up.

"John, I don't expect you to understand all of this-"

"Just save it, okay," he said getting up.

"What did you expect me to do?" I said getting up wondering why the hell he's acting this way about the whole thing.

"Look, I don't know, okay!" he exclaimed raising his voice in the same level I did.

"Why are you so fucking angry?" I asked him. "Its not like it was my fucking fault that I was being raped by some fucked up drug addict that wanted to get laid! It wasn't as if I wanted to get laid that night! I didn't want any of this and I didn't plan any of it!" Tears started pouring some more but John didn't let that get to him. He kept the same exasperated face on but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to break down.

John grew silent and walked the other way. He was pacing. He thought about what to say next but I didn't have the patience to wait anymore. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Haven't you considered the fact that maybe I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to forget about it? That maybe I didn't want to share that experience because I didn't want you to know about the problems I had? That maybe I wanted to start anew and maybe get it right this time? So many things have happened these past few weeks alone and you've done so much for me. I didn't want the happiness to end but I guess after everything that has happened, by now I should be able to accept the fact that I can't get what I want anymore," I turned my back on him and leaned against the ledge.

Tears were pouring like waterfalls from my face as I began to feel more upset about how this all turned out. "I just thought you'd understand but maybe you never really did understand me." I said turning around to face him. I was about to say something but in a split second, he managed to get close to me leaving only a few inches for space to breathe. He looked into my eyes and I noticed that his eyes had been teary as well. He closed the space between us with his lips and as much as I wanted to push him away, I couldn't.

I melted into him as I laced my fingers behind his neck. He carried me up and placed me on the ledge. This wasn't how I expected it to end but I didn't know what else to do about it. I hated fighting with him and sometimes making it up to him is hard but this was easy – almost too easy actually.

I pushed him away with my forehead and unwound my arms from his neck. I just took in the moment for a while and watched his eyes dwell on our fingers as they intertwined. He kissed me on the cheek and trailed it up to my ear where he whispered, "I'm sorry for everything."

That was all he said. I expected so much more but he didn't meet my expectations.

Sometimes I wonder if he's worth it.


	25. Chapter 25

I didn't know what happened right after we kissed but all of a sudden, he told me that he had to go back home since he was getting tired. It was all pretty sudden and it got me thinking about us – if we were okay or not. I didn't want to have to ask him but I really did want to know and plus before I could say anything else, he was already across the lawn on his front porch opening his front door and shutting it slowly behind him.

I just sat on the ledge as I thought about everything for a while. But my alone time was cut short when everyone exited the house and told me that they were gonna get themselves home. I hugged each and every one of them goodbye as they filed into their cars. Well they all left but Garrett stayed behind.

"So what did he say?" he asked leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"I don't really know," I said with a heavy sigh as I hopped down from the ledge.

He smirked and rolled his eyes as he shifted his weight to the right side of his body. "He can't handle stuff like that. It's too much for him,"

I looked at Garrett and wondered why he was getting all bitter about this whole thing. "What are you saying?" I asked and he sighed as he pushed himself off of the frame and walked towards me.

"I'm saying that he's not worthy of someone like you," he said tucking hair behind my ear.

"Okay," was all I said as I walked back into the house.

"That's it? That's all you're gonna say?" Garrett asked me closing the door behind him.

"What else do you want me to say?" I asked him but he just exhaled loudly and tightened his jaw.

"I want you to see that there's someone better for you out there who'd care enough to see through every detail of your life and appreciate them no matter how many or how insignificant you think they may be. Someone's waiting for you to see the light that shows you that John's a complete waste of time." He stated. I didn't like where he was going with this.

I mean maybe he was speaking the truth but for some reason I just can't let go of John no matter how much I wanted to. He means everything to me and I never really imagined myself with anyone else. But maybe that's why I never thought about someone else being right for me. I never really thought out of the box. I was always stuck in this prism filled with so many thoughts about how John would be there for me any time and any place. I was too stuck up on thinking that he was the only one who could fill in the shoes of the one I called 'Mr. Right' and that's not fair. I locked myself up with a decision without even considering the other choices.

So what am I really saying? Should I just forget about John and explore my options? Should I just throw away each and every memory we've had with each other? I guess I've always wanted a cliché relationship where two childhood friends grow up and discover what there is to know about each other and end up happy in each other's arms thinking about how their world was only big enough for them to fit in and the rest of the people meant nothing to them. But life isn't a cliché. It's a surprise waiting to be unveiled and that's the beauty of it. You never really know what's going to happen.

Right when I was about to say something, the door swung open revealing Andy. She waved at both of us before heading up the stairs and into her room. Once she was out of sight and hearing range, I refocused on Garrett.

"Look, maybe you're right. Maybe there really is someone else out there for me. But until then, I'm going to have to think things through." I told him and all he did was nod. He was still quite aggravated.

"I gotta go," he told me and before I could utter a word, he was out the door.

Why was everyone leaving me?


	26. Chapter 26

I watched the hands of the clock tick round and round as and watched the minutes pass away. I didn't feel like doing anything today and there really was nothing to distract me. I should really get out more.

I thought about getting out of the house to face the world and maybe really start over. I mean these past few days, I've been lying around the house and I haven't really had the time to get out and maybe make some new friends or create more memories. Who knows? Maybe life outside these walls might seem brighter.

Once I made it clear to myself that I was going to explore the town to see what was in store even if I've been into town for like a thousand times before, I wrote a note on a post it and placed it on the refrigerator so Aunt Catherine would know where I'd be.

I grabbed the keys to one of the cars in the garage and backed out of the driveway as soon as I turned on the engine. I saw John looking out his window when I turned on the car but he didn't bother to say hi or anything. He just simply stood there and stared at me.

I didn't prolong the awkwardness because I know he knew I was looking as well so I sped off down the road and drove to the first place I knew I wouldn't meet anyone I knew – the mall.

I parked the car in the parking lot and walked towards the entrance. Tempe was excruciatingly hot today so once I walked inside the door the cool air totally relieved me.

The mall looked exactly the same but there were some stores added and some that I noticed were gone. I didn't really know where to start so I just started walking forward. I looked at the merchandise from each store through their displays in the window and went in the stores whose merchandise caught my eye. Most stores I walked into were clothing shops. I know that I have too many clothes but somehow, I couldn't stay away.

I was just looking through the racks when suddenly, my phone rang. I grabbed it from inside my bag and looked at the screen before answering. It was an unknown number. I know I shouldn't really answer it but I was curious to know who was on the other line so I went against what I thought was right and answered the phone.

"Now, where in the world are you?" the voice seemed familiar. It had that raspy boyish tone that sent chills down my spine.

"Who is this?" I asked feeling afraid. I knew exactly who it was. The tone of his voice gave him away.

"I've missed you so much," he said. "You never should have left,"

"How did you get my number?" I asked quietly as I tried to hold on to dear life. I was on the verge of breaking down and I was in a mall. What in the world can probably be worse than this?

"You're asking the wrong questions," he said with a smirk. "I'll be waiting for you…" he trailed off.

I started to get all paranoid and I started looking around me. Suddenly, I didn't feel so safe anymore.

"I'm not coming back," I told him with my eyes all watery.

"That's what they all say," he laughed.

I threw my phone in the trash bin right outside the store. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know where to go. I had no one to talk to and suddenly I just wished that instead of my mom being passing away, I should've taken her place. I mean at least things wouldn't be as messed up as they are now. I just don't know where my life leads from here.

I went outside for a quick breather as I tried to calm myself down. I was going to be okay. I mean he's not here. He doesn't know where I am and Tempe is my safe place. No one can take advantage of me here and no one shall ever take advantage of me ever again.

"Need a cigarette?" I freaked at the sound of someone talking to me. That was how paranoid I was.

"Whoa, I didn't mean to scare you," he started to laugh.

I looked to the side to see exactly who was talking to me. The guy seemed familiar but he was definitely not that rapist from New York. Might he be an old friend?

"Do you have a name at least?" the guy asked. Where the hell are my words when I need them?

"Um, it's Olivia," I said biting my lip as I looked into his steel gray eyes.

"That's a pretty-" he paused suddenly, "Wait Olivia Harper?" he clarified and I nodded.

"Yeah," I said wondering who he really was and how he knew me.

"I'm Adam," he introduced, "Adam Michelson,"

I scanned him from head to toe. He couldn't be that chubby kid back in high school. He looked like he shed 20 pounds. It was amazing how he looked really good right now.

"How the hell have you been?" I asked cheerfully as I gave him a hug.

You see, Adam's been my best friend since 3rd grade and we always kept in touch even when we went to different high schools. He was always my go-to person. I mean sure, John, Garrett and the others were there but when I didn't feel like talking to them, Adam was my go-to guy.

"Well, I'm doing well actually. I could be better though and I could be a lot worse. But I'm not complaining," he told me with a big smile, "What about you?" his tone suddenly changed it seemed cautious as if he knew everything I've been through recently.

"I don't really know anymore," I said sullenly. I didn't mean to sound sad but I couldn't lie to him about how I was feeling. I've never lied to him about anything, actually.

"I heard about your mom and I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral," he said pushing his hands deeper into his pockets, "I was actually in New York when I heard about the whole thing,"

When he said 'New York', I cringed and I know that he noticed but he didn't say anything about it. He knew me too well. He knew better than to run his mouth when something like that happened.

"Oh, well its okay," I told him, "You were probably busy with something,"

"Yeah, I was actually doing a shoot for this agency," he said shyly as I raised both my eyebrows.

"You're a photographer? When the hell did this happen and why haven't you told me?" I asked nudging him on the side as we started walking back inside the mall. I guess we both thought it was too hot to hang outside.

"Well, I guess I got pretty overwhelmed with everything that was happening that I didn't really have the time…?" he said carefully.

"Oh, well then I guess we have a lot of catching to do," I said and he smiled.

We both walked into a coffee shop where we started to catch up on each other's lives. I told him about modelling and New York and eventually it led to the event that happened. I bit my lip as he waited for me to utter the words I thought I wouldn't have to speak of again. But I had no choice. We swore to each other that we wouldn't keep things from one another and I wasn't going to risk the friendship that we've formed by refusing tell him about what happened. He sorta had the right to know anyway. I trusted him that much.

"I was in New York during those days," he said in an angry tone. "Why didn't you think about calling me?"

"I didn't know you were in New York," I said defensively, "and plus, I really didn't know what to do anymore. I couldn't think or eat straight for days,"

"Couldn't you call the police and report what happened?" he asked warily but I just shook my head.

"It's New York, Adam," I reminded him, "I'm sure they get too many rape cases but they just leave it there to rot on their desks,"

"But it still isn't fair," he told me clasping his hands harder together on the table.

I reached over and placed a hand on top of his hands to loosen it up. "What's done is done,"

But before Adam could utter another word, John – who comes out of nowhere – grabs him from his seat and connects his fist to his jaw.

How many nightmares can possibly happen in one day?


	27. Chapter 27

"John! What the hell?" I asked rushing to Adam's side.

John didn't seem one bit pleased or amused about what he saw me do. What did he expect? That I would run to him and gush about how strong he was? That fighting with him was unbearable and I can't think straight when I am in bad terms with him? Well maybe I wanted to tell him that fighting with him was wrong but now was not the time. He also didn't have the right to go punch anyone in the face. The guy hardly harmed him in any way. He didn't deserve it.

John just kept quiet and stared at me. I didn't notice before but suddenly, everyone was looking at us. The tension was only going higher and John just standing there wasn't helping at all. I've been embarrassed enough already but he didn't seem to think so. I wonder though, what was running through his head? Was he jealous? Was that way he punched Adam like that? Did he think I moved on already? Why wasn't he ashamed about what he did?

No one seemed to be moving and Adam was out. I was going to call an ambulance when I remembered that I forgot my phone. So, I went ahead and grabbed Adam's from his front pocket.

"What are you doing? Feeling him up so that he'd get up?" Did he just say that in public and in a really loud voice?

"What the fuck is your problem, John?" I asked getting up earning even more stares from outside the store.

"Hey, you two!" said the barista, "It's either shut the fuck up or get the fuck out of here. No one wants your drama," he hopped over the counter and got right in front of John and me.

John just left without another word. He's so full of himself that it gets me so pissed. I bit my lip as I tried to hold back my tears. I leaned down and tried to get Adam up but the barista put up a hand signalling me to wait. Everyone started to mind their own business the second John left the door.

The barista came back with a big cup of ice and poured it over Adam. He jolted back to life and held back the cursing that was about to erupt from his lips. I looked at him with a sad smile as he touched the sore part of his face. I grabbed an ice from the floor and grabbed the hanky inside my bag and wrapped the ice in it and held it up to his face.

"Thanks," I told the barista. "For the ice, I mean,"

"Sure," the barista said. "Anything to keep things in order here," he went back to work as I helped Adam up on the chair.

"Here, let me get that," I said placing the ice on his cheek. He winced a little and I jumped back a little. "I'm sorry, did that hurt?" I asked nervously.

"Don't worry about it," he said taking the hanky-wrapped ice from me and applying it on himself wincing every now and then. "Boy, that guy sure could pack a punch,"

"I'm sorry about him, by the way," I told him. "I don't know what got into him."

"It wasn't your fault, I'm sure," he told me.

I smiled half-heartedly as I watched him try to heal himself. It was all silent for a while and I really wanted to strike up a conversation but I couldn't really think of something to talk about. I used to always know what to talk about but after what happened, I guess I'm still in both shame and shock and that's hard to get rid of to be honest.

"So who was that guy?" he asked thankfully breaking the ice.

"That was John," I told him shamefully as I toyed with the salt and pepper shakers.

"Oh, that was John?" he sounded surprised. He should be I mean after what happened I'm sure he wouldn't think positively about him. I mean I told him about the whole I-liked-him-but-he's-whoring-around-a-lot thing and well he's been asking me repeatedly to set up a date so he could spar with John and I always told him that it was fine – and it was – but he always told me that it wasn't. I guess he was right.

"Yeah," I said, "I guess you won't be changing your mind about him, then?"

"After everything he's done to you?" he said, "I don't think so,"

So now he has a grudge against John. Well done, Olivia, you're making everyone hate each other and you're getting caught up in all of it. I should really give myself a pat on the shoulder. Maybe then I'd feel better.

I can't believe I'm actually going against myself. I'm fighting with myself and that's so weird but I guess it's what I need right now. Fuck that, I don't even know what I need anymore. This is so fucked up.

"Hey, you okay?" he said shifting in his seat. He leaned in closer and placed the ice down. The spot was starting to discolour. I felt so bad about it.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I replied and pointed to a spot on my cheek telling to have it checked out without having to actually say it.

"Do you have a mirror?" he asked and I nodded as I reached in my bag to retrieve my compact mirror.

"Here," I said opening it up and facing the mirror his way.

He made a face and then checked his watch as if remembering something. "Hey, it was really nice catching up with you but apparently, I have to go."

"Oh, um, yeah, sure," I stumbled over the words that came out of my mouth. I mean was I about to lose someone else too?

"Hey, it's not like I'm gonna be gone forever," he told me. "Do you still live in the same address?"

"Yeah," I smiled as I realized that maybe this would reconnect us. He's a friend – someone that I really need right now.

"Okay then, what about your number?" he asked taking his phone out of his pocket.

"Um, I sorta threw my phone in the trash today," I said embarrassingly as he laughed.

"What did you do that for?" he asked getting up and taking my hanky. "I'll have this washed before I give it back to you,"

"It's fine-"

"No, it's not," he said with a smile. "And plus, if I give it back now, I won't have a reason to go and visit your house," he said sweetly as I smirked. At least he knew how to make me feel a tad bit better.

"Okay fine," I said. "And about my phone, um, that guy who you-know-what-ed me sorta reached me for some reason and I get scared so I just threw away the only connection he had with me,"

"Oh, I'm sorry I asked," he said sincerely as he checked his watch again. "Well I guess I can reschedule with my client-"

"What, no, it's fine. I'll be fine," I lied. I didn't want to distract him from his job – his source of money. I wasn't worth his time.

"Olivia, you're in a really fragile state right now and company is what you need," he told me.

"But John lives right next door," I reminded him.

He rolled his eyes and smirked. "I'll be ready for him, don't worry."

I just stared at him for a while before making my decision. I did need company right now and Andy couldn't give me that. Garrett couldn't either. I'm sure Aunt Catherine wasn't home. It was a pretty easy decision but what about him? I mean he has a life too. He shouldn't waste it on me especially after what happened but then again, he's the only friend I have left.

"Okay," I said getting up and heading out with Adam.

I just hope nothing else goes wrong with him. He's the only one I have left.

He's my only hope.


	28. Chapter 28

Before leaving, Adam made sure I bought another phone so I could give him my number. I thought he was being funny at first but then once he shoved me into a store and bought a phone for me – which I told him I'd pay for but didn't let me – I kept my mouth shut and stopped laughing.

"You really shouldn't have done that," I told him but he said nothing as we walked out of the mall exit.

"I'd never be able to keep in touch if you didn't have a phone," he said ushering me towards my car.

I changed the subject so that we would stop arguing because for the last 10 to 20 minutes or so, that's all that we've been doing.

"Don't you have a car?" I asked him but toned my voice in a way that when I asked, it wouldn't sound like an insult.

"Well, no, my friend dropped me off at the mall," he said casually as he opened my car door for me.

"Do you need a ride?" I asked politely and he smiled.

"I'm not really heading your way," he said looking around. "I'm headed the opposite way,"

"That doesn't really matter," I told him with a smile. "I need a friend, right?"

He smiled as he got in the passenger's seat. "So where are we headed?" he asked as soon as he shut the door.

"I don't know," I said switching on the engine. "I was about to go home,"

"Oh, don't let me stop you then," he said and I looked at him confused.

"I thought you were headed somewhere else," I tried to clarify.

"Yeah, but I think nostalgia's getting the best of me," he said with a charming smile.

"Okay then," I said making my way out of the parking lot.

Once we got on the road, we started to talk about his job and his client. He told me that his client wanted him to take a few pictures of this building that he made so that they could place it on a brochure and all that jazz. I asked him if he really needed to be there right now but he said that the project wasn't due until next month. I still feel bad though about taking him away from his job.

Once we reached my house, I couldn't care less about what would happen next. I mean if John saw us get in the house, he could tell everyone about it and talk shit about me behind my back. He already stabbed my back with a knife so I guess the second and third attempts wouldn't be as brutal as the first one. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it won't be long until I cut him fully out of my life because he didn't belong in my life in the first place.

"Make yourself at home," I told him as soon as I got the door open but one thing that I realized was that the door was unlocked.

I walked into the living room and saw 6 pairs of eyes staring at me. I stopped in my tracks surprised that they were all in one room. Adam was talking about something before following me in but he stopped talking as soon as he followed me in.

John laughed as he saw what he did to Adam's face. I clenched my teeth as I glared at him but he wasn't looking at me at all. He was too busy having a glare-off with Adam.

There was suddenly a rising amount of tension in the room that I didn't want to feel so I cleared my throat to get everyone's attention.

"What are you doing here?" I directed the question to John who turned to face me with a slight expression of amusement.

"Well, Andy invited me," he said with a smirk. "At least someone still knows who is and who isn't worthy to step foot in this house,"

I looked at Andy who met my eyes with confusion.

I know it was my housed and I know that it wasn't my place to turn around and head right back out the door but that was something I really wanted to do. I couldn't bare this environment right now.

I was about to turn on my heel when John started to run his mouth again. "Go ahead, just run away," he said with so much arrogance. "I think it's the best look you've got on you so far,"

That was it. I wasn't thinking anymore. I ran straight to John and took him down and started pounding on his face. I threw around three punches before Garrett grabbed me from behind. I was fighting his grip but he was too strong. I started to relax and soon, he loosened up.

I watched John try to get up from the floor but before he could fully get up, I kicked the back of his leg so he would fall down again. He hit his head hard on the floor but I couldn't care less to wonder if he was conscious or half way dead. He was being an ass and he deserved what I gave him.

Everyone seemed to be looking at me with worried faces but they said nothing. I looked around to see if Adam was still in the house but apparently he wasn't. I rushed out of the living room and walked slowly towards the foyer as I heard him talk in a really hushed tone.

"Yeah, I know," he whispered. His voice seemed nervous and scared. "I'll get her to you, don't worry. But after this, I want nothing to do with your dirty work. I'm out after this one last deal, okay?" he rushed as he spoke as if the person he was talking to had his life in his hands.

He breathed out deeply before walking back inside the door. I backed up just a little so he wouldn't think I was eavesdropping.

"Sorry, it was my client," he said and I just nodded.

I was beginning to feel a little scared. Who was that 'her' he was pertaining to? And 'dirty work'? What was that about?

I wanted to ask him so many things but I was afraid that he wouldn't give me a straight answer. So I just kept my mouth shut and ran into him but this time, I went in for a hug – not a tackle – as I tried to hold back my tears but as soon as he wrapped his arms around me, I broke down.

He led me up the stairs that I guess he was still familiar with and brought me to my room where he made me lie on the bed.

"I'm sure your fists taught him a lesson," he joked but I was far from wanting to laugh right now.

"I can't believe he said all that," I said tearing up even more. "I thought he was-"

"Shh, it's all gonna be alright," he told me stroking my back comfortingly. "I'm here now,"

He said those words as if he regretted it for a second. As if those words meant something different.

I just wish that he meant it.


	29. Chapter 29

I don't know how long I just stayed there staring at the ceiling before I fell asleep but as soon as I woke up, I was alone on my bed. I checked the clock and saw that it was barely seven in the morning. I couldn't really go back to sleep so I got up and stretched my cramped up limbs.

"Good morning, sunshine," Adam greeted as soon as he emerged from the bathroom.

"I thought you left," I said with a yawn as I sat back down on my bed.

"Well for some reason I couldn't just leave you here alone,"

I smiled at him and liked how thoughtful he was but I couldn't get rid of the scenes of yesterday's events. Especially how crappy John was acting towards Adam.

"You know, we should still think of something to do to get back at John," I said rubbing sleep out of my eyes.

Adam rolled his eyes as he sat on the desk right across my bed. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm being serious, Adam. You can't just let him get away with what he did," I said getting all heated up again. "How in the world are you able to forgive him?"

"I thought the lesson-teaching was done yesterday,"

I can't believe he talked about it in such a light mood. Did he like to get punched like that? I mean does he not have the pride to stick up for himself? What the hell was wrong with him?

"Tell me, what's the secret?" I said getting suspicious. I mean guys don't let go that easily do they? "I mean there's gotta be a reason why, right?"

"I'm sorry, secret?" he said laughing cheerfully.

I studied him carefully as he went on laughing boisterously at what I said.

"Are you okay?" he was on the point of getting hysterical right now. I didn't get it. It's early in the morning and he's laughing with his bed head hair.

"Okay," he said shortly after abruptly ending his laughter, "I'm high," he whispered before getting crazy once again.

"On drugs?" I cried out but he covered my mouth before I could say anything more.

I pushed him away as hard as I could wanting to get away as far away from him as possible but he did nothing to stop me.

"Olivia, you don't have to be scared. I won't hurt you," he said with a bright smile on his face.

I was on the verge of heading out the door but he grabbed my hand gently before I could place a finger on the doorknob. I breathed in and out evenly but was disgusted by the way he smelled. I always hated the smell of cigarettes and I thought I'd get used to it by now but until this day, I try to steer clear of anything involving drugs and cigars.

"It puts away all your worries," he explained. "It's like an automatic switch that would put your anxiety to rest." he yawned. His eyes were glassy. I didn't know what to do.

I told myself I'd try to help him out of this addiction. I had no idea he was on anything. I mean if he was on something yesterday then it wasn't clear because he seemed quite normal. Except of course the part where I saw him talk to his 'client' over the phone.

"Adam, you have to snap out of this," I told him warily.

"You can't stop me," he said lying on my bed. He stared at the ceiling as if he was watching a 3D movie. "You should try it some time,"

I looked at him as if he was out of his mind - wait wasn't he already out of it?

I've seen other models shove coke up their noses and it looked gross and absurd. I tried it once but I don't really know what happened after. All I remembered after taking the drugs was taking shots at a bar. After that, nothing. And that's what I hate about drugs. It makes you forget everything. I mean what happens if you did something stupid that night? What happens if you end up in an asylum with no reminder of why you even entered the gates? What happens when you die because of it? I don't want to be remembered as someone who died due to an overdose. I wanna be remembered as someone who did something great and made the most out of her life. I don't want to waste my life away with one drag from a cancer stick or anything related to it.

"I'd rather die by walking into a knife, thank you very much," I said trying to keep things light.

"These things don't kill you," he chuckled. "They merely give you a ray of sunshine. It only lasts for an hour so you have nothing to worry about,"

"No," I said sternly.

"Oh come on," he said getting up as e reached into his pocket. "I swear all you'll feel is numb. Like the clouds are floating around you. It's nothing strong like ecstasy although ecstasy would be nice right now," he guffawed.

The way he talked made me want to just run away but what did I have to lose? I mean from what it looked like, he didn't seem that far out, right?

"What are you on?" I asked realizing what I was doing was completely on the wrong side of the line but I really didn't want to have to feel this way anymore. Besides, it's just one drag, right?

"Weed," he said checking my clock. "Oh shit, it's 6:45 already?" he laughed, "My boss is gonna kill me." he said getting up.

At one point I was sorta relieved that I didn't have to spend any more time with him but what was I to do today?

"Here," he handed me a stick. "Go and have the time of your life," he said before running out the door leaving me for work.

Did I really want to do this right now? I mean it's not like he's pushing me to do anything. Besides, it isn't necessary. But it is quite inviting. I mean who wouldn't want to just get away for a while?

If I was going to push through with this, maybe it would be better with Adam beside me but then again I don't know. Maybe it would be better to try it out for myself first. Adam's opinions might persuade me into taking another stick.

I can't believe I'm thinking about experimenting drugs with my own body right now. But it's just one, right?

I walked outside my room and went down to get a lighter. I wasn't going to smoke in the house. That would be pretty stupid since I'd probably get caught easily.

So I walked to this familiar path down the backyard which was connected to a forest. I knew this place by the river John and I used to hang out in when we were kids but I don't think he goes there anymore so I guess it's a good hiding spot.

I sat by a rock as I watched the river. I raised the shivering hand that was holding the stick of weed. I placed it between my lips and sparked the tip with the lighter in my other hand. I breathed in carefully using my mouth and before I knew it, I was consuming a portion of it. I didn't understand why I didn't choke the first time but then again, I didn't really take a heavy first drag. What can I say? I think I've seen too many movies remembering the dos and don'ts when it comes to smoking.

The high sensation was just about to kick in when suddenly I heard footsteps coming from behind.

_"What the hell do you think you're doing?"_


	30. Chapter 30

That's where I started choking. He caught me mid-smoke and I wouldn't have started choking if he hadn't startled me.

"What do you think I'm doing, Gary?" I laughed as I kept my eyes set forward. I didn't want to have to look at his worried face and lose the high that I felt running through my veins.

"Have you totally lost your mind? How far out are you? You know what happens to people who turn into drug addicts!" he reprimanded as if he had some kind of authority over me. He was no dead and he was definitely not an older brother.

"It's just one stick," I told him, "and besides, I don't have another one in my pocket. I only have one so you don't have to worry." Right when I was through speaking, I regretted it because as soon as he processed the words that came out of my big mouth, he grabbed the stick that was already half it's size and threw it in the river.

"Great, now you're gonna give the fishes a high." I tried to be funny but he was far from cracking up. "God, why don't you smile a little, Grumpy?"

His face showed a large amount of disapproval but he didn't say anything more. He just turned and walked away punching a tree trunk along the way.

My mouth was craving for another drag. I didn't know it was highly addictive. I got up and ran to the river and tried to search for it but I knew it was a long shot since the water ran like the wind. It was probably on it's way to the ocean where bigger fishes were.

I wonder what would happen if sharks got high on drugs. Would they eat everything they see? Come to think of it, I am kinda hungry. Damn it, I should've done this later in the afternoon so I wouldn't have to face the world of disapproval which I'm sure will be set right before me when I get home. I don't think Garrett would keep things like this to himself. He'd probably tell the first person he knows to stay away from me but that's fine. I mean that first person would probably be John and I don't want to have to hear him nag about crap I'm not supposed to be doing. Why can't they just mind their own business like the rest of the world?

I gave up trying when I started to feel restless. The water did feel really nice though. It was cold and refreshing and it made me feel calm. This could be my secret zen place. But it wouldn't really be that private since Garrett knew this place as well. Wait, how did he find me?

I thought about what happened Adam left. I grabbed a lighter from the kitchen and saw 5 sleeping bodies in the living room. John was no where in sight but there was something weird about the way Garrett was sleeping. I mean usually, when he's sleeping, his mouth hangs open and makes really loud and funny snoring noises. So since he wasn't making those weird sounds, it only meant one thing, he was only pretending to sleep.

I got tired of the water and I got tired of thinking so I trudged back to the house shivering in my wet clothes but I didn't really give a fuck that I was cold.

When I got inside from the back door, I found Kennedy making a sandwich for himself. He turned when he heard the screen door shut. He laughed at what he saw. I didn't think he would even look at me twice and still think of me as the same girl I was once before. Maybe Garrett kept his mouth shut this time.

"Did your bathroom run out of water?" he asked taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Nah, I just felt like swimming outside,"

"With clothes on?" Andy chimed in.

I started to laugh along with them not caring that I was actually laughing at myself.

"Well it sure beats swimming in the shower," I said making them laugh harder.

See, this is exactly the kind of surrounding I was looking for but apparently Garrett didn't seem to agree. He was such a killjoy.

I went upstairs and changed all my clothes. They were all starting to feel really sticky.

Once I brushed my hair and was satisfied with the way I looked, I walked past my bathroom door and found a sullen Garrett sitting on my bed.

I didn't know what to say to him and he sure didn't mind my staring from the corner of the bed.

"I wanna help you, Olivia-"

"Gary, it's not like I'm addicted or anything. Like I said, it was just one stick," I said sitting right beside him. I leaned on his shoulder feeling some kind of fatigue wash all over me.

"But if you keep hanging out with that Adam guy you call a friend, it'll probably turn into two and then three and then you won't even be able to count how many anymore." He really did seem down about this. It made me feel all sad as well.

"I know it's hard to understand why I'm doing this but you'll learn to comprehend soon enough," I told him rubbing his arm.

He looked at it and started to feel a little tense. "What is there to understand? How can you even find something worthwhile about taking drugs?"

"Well you never know until you try, really. I mean I used to think like you as well," I told him but he didn't really like what I said.

"Where did that person who thought rationally go?" he asked rhetorically but I wanted to answer back so I did.

"Well she flew out of the window once she took the first drag," I giggled.

Garrett didn't seem to like my new attitude and he was easily annoyed by it. I felt bad but I didn't know what to do.

It got to the point where he shoved me to the side and started to walk out the door.

"Garrett, wait," I said walking towards him. "Please don't leave me,"

"Why? Why should I stay here and watch you destroy yourself slowly? Why should I wait to see the person I once liked turn into a drug addict who finds joy in cancer sticks? Why should I let myself that everything would turn out alright when drugs are involved?" He was on the verge of hitting something but unlike me, he thought with a clear conscience knowing that if he started to slam things around, people downstairs would hear.

"Garrett, I just don't know what to do, okay? I mean I want to keep living my life but so many things go the wrong way and nothing ever really goes as planned and I just don't know if I should keep on hoping to see if one day, everything will be okay," I said letting tears slip.

I was experiencing so many mood changes that even I thought it was crazy. I thought that in this state of mind, I wouldn't be able to feel anything but I guess I was wrong. It just magnified the emotions that I wanted to feel.

"Why do you have such small hope for the better? I mean it's not like it's that far away," he said.

I just shook my head in disbelief as I paced around my room.

"If it was that easy, I would've been in my rational state of mind but I'm not," I complained.

I started to cry harder and I crashed on my bed. I heard Garrett sigh as he sat on the corner and placed a hand on the small of my back.

I knew that I was acting like a child but I had no control of my emotions. It was like every screw in my body was set on max.

When I calmed down a little, I sat up and grabbed some Kleenex from my bedside table and blew my noise.

Garrett swiped away the tears that were coming down like waterfalls. I wrapped my arms around him and I felt him do the same. His forearms rested on my waist and it all felt nice until my phone buzzed.

I pulled away and grabbed my phone. Adam was calling. I looked at Garrett who had another disapproving look on his face but told me to answer it anyway.

"Hello?" I answered as soon as I accepted the call.

"Not the kind of tone I wanted to hear but hey," he said. From what I heard on his end, it seemed kinda noisy and static-y but he continued talking anyway. "Anyway, there's a party happening tonight. Wanna come?"

"Where?" I asked. Garrett stayed stuck in place but I knew he was listening intently.

"A friend's house," he said vaguely. "I'll pick you up at ten." That was all he said before he shut his phone and hung up.

"What did he want?" Garrett asked looking into my eyes.

"He said his friend was throwing a party tonight and he was picking me up at ten," I said sitting back down beside him.

"We're all going then," he said and I looked at him questioningly but the thought of having the guys near made me feel safer.

But I'm like far away from New York.

No one's here to hurt me, right?


	31. Chapter 31

It was 9:30 on the clock and I was beyond nervous. Garrett told me that everyone decided that a party was a good idea seeing that it was a Friday night and that there was nothing better to do.

I'm not sure if I'm nervous about the guys being there as well or the fact that Adam and John were going to be in the same house for more than a few hours, give or take.

I looked at myself again consciously at the full length mirror as I tried to keep it together.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?" Andy asked leaning against my door jamb.

"What kind of a question is that?" I replied with another question.

"What I mean is, are you sure you want to put two guys who don't like each other in the same house for about 3 hours or so?" she clarified as she looked at a few products on my dresser.

"Wow, I never knew my conscience really spoke to me in person." I said sarcastically. "What do you think I'm so nervous about?"

I was being snappy. This was bad. I needed to calm down and take another drag.

"I'm just saying," she said patiently as she sat on my bed.

"Are they all downstairs already?" I asked.

"Yeah, they're waiting for you to finish and for Adam to arrive," she said nonchalantly as she walked out the door. She really can't stay in one place for so long.

Just then my phone buzzed and I saw a notification saying that I had one new text message. I opened it and read its content. It was from Adam and he said that he was already on his way. I mean what happened about being here by ten?

My nerves were getting the best of me and my inner coach – who was telling me to calm down – was not helping me deal with the situation at all.

I breathed in and out smoothly as I put on my pumps. I knew I was bound to go down sometime.

As I went down the steps, I heard laughter erupting from the living room. That was typical of them to crack up about something someone said. But what I didn't expect was them to stop when I reached the last step. Their eyes landed on me and suddenly I was under this big spotlight. I started to feel self conscious but eased when Garrett cleared his throat.

"Wow," Kennedy managed to say. I smiled at him and nudged him on the shoulder with my elbow.

John couldn't help but look. I stared back at him and watched as he looked away blushing. I smiled at that and told them about Adam coming a little early.

"That's great," Pat said all jumpy and excited. "That means more time to party!"

Pat was such a kid that sometimes I forget how old he really is.

A few minutes later, we were all heading out the door. Adam was a little surprised but he got over it. I told the guys that I'd ride with Adam and they didn't seem to have a problem with that which in my opinion was sorta weird. I thought they'd make excuses but I was wrong. Maybe I'm too full of myself but whatever.

"You look beautiful tonight," Adam said as if it was protocol. There was no feeling in that statement at all so I just beamed at him from the side even though I knew he couldn't see it.

"What's wrong?" I had to ask. I mean I needed to know if I did something wrong.

"Nothing, it's just that it'd be just us you know," he said.

"But I thought you said we were going to a party," I said alarmed.

"We are," he said, "but I just don't feel comfortable around your friends,"

I bit the inside of my cheeks as I searched for something to reply with but came up short. I didn't know what to say to that. I mean what was I supposed to say?

"Sorry," was the best I could come up with and when he heard exactly how I sounded, he looked to the side and grabbed my hand. He smiled and let me know that it was okay.

Another turn to the right and we were at our destination. The house wasn't a house. It was more of a mansion.

"Wow, your friend seems rich," I told him and he smirked.

We both got out of the car and the guys greeted Adam. If you were a stranger looking on, you'd probably think they were all such good friends. They hid their emotions so well that it almost scared me. Well everyone except John, that is. He hardly acknowledged the guy but that was a good thing because I really didn't want to spark a fight this early.

We went inside and Adam greeted the host and his girlfriend. He welcomed us warmly and told us to make ourselves at home because anyone who came to his parties were his instant friends. I guess he was sorta drunk already but that didn't really come as a surprise.

"Want something to drink?" Adam asked and I nodded.

"Sure,"

He grabbed my hand and moved me through the sea of people as we made our way to the kitchen. When Adam let go of my hand, I waited outside the crowd of people grabbing and mixing a few drinks and felt a hand on my side.

"I told you I'd find you," a husky voice whispered into my ear.

A chill ran down my spine as I realized who it was. I didn't turn or move at all. I was numb and I wanted to run far away.

I was in danger and my feet were stuck on the floor.


	32. Chapter 32

"Get away from me," I said getting a hold of my senses. I wasn't about to let this freak hurt me again. This was my city and in here, I'm in control.

But no matter how I tried to convince myself that courage was the best thing to have right now, it shied away and hid somewhere deep inside of me.

He touched the small of my back and I flinched violently. I spun on my heel and slapped him as hard as I could before getting myself out of the kitchen that was filled with dozens of people. I didn't want to turn back or see if he was following me. There were too many people in here and I really didn't want to make a scene.

I found Kennedy watching a few guys try to chug more beer than the other. I decided to stay and watch because at least I felt safe with him. I couldn't stand being alone. The fact that that guy who raped me from New York was here scared me but I didn't want to make such a big deal out of it. I mean wanted to tell someone badly but I was scared not only for how they might react but also what they might do. They might get themselves hurt in the process and I really don't want anything to happen.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Kennedy asked as soon as he realized that I was standing right beside him.

"I couldn't find Adam or anyone else and I didn't want to be alone so I came over here," I told him and watched as he smiled.

"That Adam guy…" he trailed off, "something's seems off about him," he muttered to himself.

"Why does everyone seem to think that?" I asked but somehow, I was starting to feel the same way they did.

Adam didn't happen to set this all up, did he? I mean wasn't he my friend? Wasn't he surprised when I told him everything? I was starting to doubt him and doubt our whole relationship. I wasn't the deal he was talking about to his 'client', was I?

Suddenly everything clicked into place and I realized that I was being played all along. But what did Adam have on that psychopath? Did I need to help him? Wait, why am I thinking about helping a guy who set me up? I should really hate Adam. But somehow, all I feel towards Adam is scared. I'm afraid because he might have gotten himself tangled up in a really messy situation and he has no way of getting out of it – except me. But was helping him worth it? Would I risk my own life to save another? I might be kind-hearted but I wasn't that in to martyrdom.

Kennedy didn't seem to have an answer so he turned and watched a new set of guys flush beer down their throats. It was sort of amusing but I had a lot of things in my mind right now. I needed a distraction but in a party like this, it's hard not to be afraid. I mean anything can happen and no one would care like at all about your whereabouts or your name.

I looked around and saw him standing in a corner just staring at me. He was drinking from a red plastic cup. He winked once and I swear I was sick to my stomach. I turned back around and realized that Kennedy had disappeared. I bit my lip as I maneuvered my way outside the living room and into the back porch. The garden was pretty large and dark. It was going to be hard to find me here.

A lot of people seemed to be having the time of their lives. They got high and laughed as if their voices couldn't get any louder. They had nothing at all to worry about and that got me jealous.

Without giving much thought to it, I decided to walk towards a circle of guys and girls who were taking drags off of each other's cigarette. One of them saw me approach and started to smile weirdly.

"Hi there, pretty lady," this one guy said. He extended his arm and handed me the cancer stick that he took to his mouth a few seconds ago. "Here, take a drag,"

"What is this?" I asked eyeing it like it was the first time I saw it but really, I've been on weed for quite some time.

I don't know why I try to lie to myself. I mean steer clear of drugs and cigars, really? I've been living under the influence while I was in New York but I don't really remember what happens right after. That's why I always pretend like nothing happened. Sometimes, I tell myself I'm crazy for trying to convince myself that I don't need it. I don't even know what my mentality on all of this is. Maybe I'm bipolar. Maybe there really is something wrong with me.

I took a heavy drag and blew the smoke out in rings. The guys stared at me in disbelief. I guess I really can fool people with the way I look.

"What's wrong? You seem surprised," I said with a smirk as I returned the stick to him.

"Guys, I think we have a new member!" he exclaimed and they all circled around me laughing and snorting like lunatics.

We started to play pass the cig in a matter of seconds while laughing our asses off. It was fun while it lasted but by the time I was completely crazy and out of this world, John came and picked me up. I swear I felt like a kid who did something wrong and he was my dad. He really did not have authority over me but I continued to let him push me around. Why was I so stupid?

John pulled me deep into the backyard where a small forest was situated. The coast seemed to be clear so when he thought we were far enough away, he led me around a tree with the biggest trunk I think I've ever seen and exhaled loudly. If we were in a cartoon, smoke would've come out of his nose. I laughed as I thought about John heating up and emitting smoke. That would've been crazy.

"What is wrong with you?" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

I breathed in the smell of nature and smiled the place seemed really peaceful. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're high," he said as a matter-of-factly. "What's not to get about that?"

"So I smoked stick of weed. I'm still alive, aren't I?" I said trying to make a point.

He only got mad at me for it though. Why doesn't anyone get my sense of humor? I mean am I the worst joker on this planet? I know a lot of people who could make noses bleed by trying to say something funny.

"Look I have no idea why you're trying to waste yourself away here but I just thought you were better than this. I thought you spent your life looking at the bright side instead of drowning in the dark. You have to get out of this before its too late," he said in a very disappointed tone.

"You must think I'm some kind of monster now, huh?" I asked as I sank down and leaned against the tree. I didn't really care about what he thought about me but having someone else tell me what they thought of me sorta mattered. Wow, I am losing myself in all of this.

"I don't think you're a monster. I just think you've lost yourself and you need to find a way to get back up and stand your ground," he said sitting right beside me. He seemed to calm down but I knew that he didn't let go of it completely let go of it yet.

"But what if I told you that the girl you knew was nothing but a complete lie? What if I told you that she was only putting up a strong front to flaunt to everyone? What if she's been drowning all along but no one dared to help her resurface?" I asked. I didn't even know why I was talking this way.

"Then I wouldn't believe you," he told me as he turned his head so that we were only inches apart. "I would say that I knew Olivia Harper better than you did and that I knew that she was an amazing person and that she'd rather waste her life in permanent happiness than waste her time getting a temporary fixation that's bound to burn out."

"Well you're wrong," I replied but even I knew that those words were nothing more than mere lies to show that I wasn't that weak. But in reality, even a feather was stronger than me.

"Snap out of it, Olivia," he said regaining the anger that was lost for only a moment. He got up and was about to walk away but of course, he had to turn back around and say something. "I don't want to have to lose you again. If you get yourself stuck deep in all this crap you're letting on then let me tell you that there'll be no way to get you out of it. When you were in New York, I knew that there was a chance that you'd find your way back home – back here with me – but this is a whole other dimension. You're slipping into the dark side and not even I know how to convince you to take a sharp turn and ride the easy way out."

Okay, he was talking in riddles but I think I got what he meant. I hate how weed can make my attention really stubborn. I can't seem to focus on anything for a really long period of time. All my thoughts keep wandering around my head like nomads who don't find settling in one place satisfying.

"Just promise me you won't lose yourself," John said once more before leaving.

I started to feel the weed slip away. I started to feel tired. I might as well crash out here and let the bugs eat me alive. I didn't want to move at all but when John was out of sight and silence filled the air, I started to feel really scared. My imagination was acting wildly and was playing tricks on me. My breathing became hard to control and all of a sudden, I heard a branch crack somewhere in the area. There were footsteps headed towards me.

Did John feel guilty for what he said? Was that even him?

"John? Are you out there?" I asked aloud but no one answered.

"I'm sorry but you're friend decided to go back to the party and have a drink leaving you all alone for me."

My heart started pounding erratically and all of my senses heightened. But I was still fatigued. I tried to get up but he beat me to it. He ran towards me and kept me on the ground by gripping my wrists. I screamed as loud as I could. I kicked and shouted for help but all he did was laugh.

"You should never have come here with Adam," he said nipping on my neck. I swear to God I wanted to throw up.

I tried to shrug him away but it was no use. I was stuck. Tears spilled from the lids of my eyes as I tried to think of a way to get myself out of his hold. I tried screaming but no one was there to hear me out.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I said sobbing uncontrollably as I tried to knee him away from my body. But that did no good.

"You don't have to worry about anything else," he whispered into my ear. "I'll take really good care of you,"

I was beyond disgusted with myself and I was overly tired. I never should've taken a drag. I just kept screaming and screaming hoping that someone would come and save me before anything else happened.

Just when I was starting to lose hope, footsteps crunched the leaves behind the trees. Someone dashed out of the darkness and threw that psychopath off me but before I could get up, my head started spinning and my vision started to blur. I was out in a matter of seconds.

But I was safe and that's all I needed to know.


	33. Chapter 33

After a few seconds of more sounds of crunched leaves, the psychopath finally noticed. He knew we weren't alone but his face didn't seem scared. It was blank. I didn't know whether it was better if I killed myself or lived anymore. I was that confused.

Once his focus seemed dazed, I took the opportunity to slip from under him and kick him in the face as hard as I could. Affected by what I did, he fell to the ground and groaned in pain loudly. As he rolled on the floor, I ran past the trees to an unknown direction that eventually led me to an open clearing. I was lost beyond comprehension and I didn't know what to do anymore. He was bound to follow me one way or another but would he know exactly what path I took? I bit my lip as my fear grew inside of me. I glanced from right to left trying to find a way out of this mess but I couldn't think of anything. What happens if I only get even more lost in the woods? What happens if I bump into him again? I wouldn't want that to happen so I just ran to the east side of the clearing and hid behind a tree with a wide trunk. I slid down and prayed that someone would find me. But then I realized that my phone was actually inside the pocket of my dress. I grabbed it as quickly as I could and texted John.

I didn't know how fast he could reply but maybe once he sees the word 'SOS' flashing on the message, he'd come to my rescue.

I gripped my phone as hard as I could as I waited in agony for his reply. Seconds seemed like hours here and I wasn't sure I was gonna survive that long. My heart started burning about a few minutes ago and the pain was only worsening as the seconds ticked by.

My breath hitched as I heard more leaf crunching from my front. I slowly started to get up from the soil and kept a watchful eye in my surroundings. Everything was so dark that it was hard to see. But I guess if I wanted to survive, I'd have to start moving.

I crept my way behind another tree and made sure that I didn't make much noise. Tears were sprinting out of my eyes like waterfalls and it was getting harder to see or breathe. I wiped the snot that formed under my nose as I tried to calm myself down. I peeked on the left side of the trunk to see if there really was someone there but the moment I moved my head, someone from behind me covered my mouth and held me by the waist. I screamed so hard that my lungs burned. I kicked and elbowed him but all I got was air. This was it, this was the end.

"Shh, it's okay," I heard Garrett's voice say. "It's me."

He dropped his hold off me and I fell to the floor. I sighed heavily as relief washed through all the parts of my body. But the heavy breaths weren't stopping. I felt like I was going to crash or black out any minute now and in this situation, that was the worst thing that could happen.

Garrett crouched down right next to me as he searched the area. "Did that guy hurt you in any way?"

"It's the same guy," I told him as I locked him in an embrace. I was lucky to be safe with Garrett. I didn't know how much longer I could hold on to my senses. My breaths were short and heavy and he was getting this really worried look on his face. Like he really did want to help me but he didn't know how.

"We'll get out of this," he assured and for that moment, I was hopeful.

But the hope was cut short when a new pair of feet came marching in. He was back and he was eyeing Garrett as if he was a piece of meat that he wanted to tear apart. I couldn't bare having Garrett hurt because of me so I got up and tried to defend him but Garrett only pushed me aside and closed the tense gap between them. He took the first strike and hit him really hard in the face. Garrett broke his nose and I thought it was over but he only scrunched his face and got back up to defend himself again. He started to grapple with Garrett and proved to be stronger. He punched Garrett right in the gut and didn't plan to stop. I got up and ran towards the two men and tried to fend them off of each other.

"Stop it!" I called out but I was only thrown to the side by the asshole that wanted something from me.

My head hit something really hard. I didn't know what it was exactly – if it was a rock or a tree – but I was sure that I must've scratched myself a little at the back of my head.

"This guy isn't going anywhere alive," he laughed evilly as he faced me before turning to Garrett –who now seemed miraculously healed – and kicked him right in the nuts.

My throat was getting dry and everything was getting hazy. I watched as Garrett finished him with kick-punch combos. I felt like I was watching a video game. I laughed as the site unfolded in front of. I was getting dizzier and dizzier as everything around me spun in circles. I touched the back of my head to see how bad the damage was. It was really cold and wet. I guess it wasn't just a small wound after all but unfortunately, I was too buzzed to care.

When Garrett was making his way towards me, I tried to get up but I couldn't feel my legs. I heard him curse a profanity before I blinked heavily. I tilted my head front to see another figure running into the scene. I couldn't see who it really was far away.

Garrett motioned for him to come faster. I was slowly losing site but I was glad I saw John's face before I completely wiped out. It showed that he actually got the message – that he actually cared.


	34. Chapter 34

Out of the darkness I heard some kind of beeping sound. It was rhythmic and redundant as if it was following some kind of pattern. I squeezed my eyes tight before trying to open them slowly. The room I was in was bright. The walls were white and the shades were wide open, bringing in the light emitting from the sun outside. Once my eyes adjusted to the vicinity, I breathed in deeply and tried to feel fingers and toes. Everything seemed fine except my head. It was throbbing wildly and all I wanted to do was shut down and go to sleep. Sadly, I couldn't.

A doctor came in to check on me. He flashed a light and asked me to follow it. He performed more simple exams before telling me that all my vitals seemed fine.

"Now it's time for questions. Do you know what your name is?" he asked as he wrote things on his clipboard.

When the question was asked, my brain seemed to start working. I didn't know the answer to his question. Who am I anyway? And why am I here?

The doctor, after waiting a few more seconds for me to answer, looked up when I stayed silent. I bit my lip as I strained to remember but nothing came up at all. I started to get scared. I didn't know who and where I was. What kind of person doesn't know that information? I felt like I was this blind woman who just opened my eyes for the first time and saw the world.

My head started to throb as tears started to fill my eyes. The doctor was idle as he watched me intently.

"I don't know who I am," I said in tears as I thought harder for an answer.

"Do you know where you are?" he asked looking at the monitors beside me.

"No! I don't fucking know where I am and I don't have a fucking clue about who I am!" I exclaimed as I brought my knees up to my chest and sat up. I rocked myself back and forth as I tried to calm myself down.

But I was aggravated. I wanted to know all the answers to the questions forming in my head but I couldn't find any. Nothing seemed to roam around my brain that hurt like hell. It was like a bomb that was destined to explode but didn't.

The doctor didn't ask any more questions. He just rushed out of the room, leaving me all to myself to search for the answers that I didn't have.

It wasn't long until another visitor busted through the doors. I didn't bother to look up though. I didn't want to have to deal with other people who might ask me more of those infuriating questions that I had no response to. I just hugged my knees tighter as I let the tears fall from my eyes.

"Olivia?" said this really tall guy with hazel green eyes.

He closed in on me and sat beside me. I just kept my head down and stayed silent as he rubbed my back up and down. It was comforting but at the same time, it was weird. This guy was a total stranger and I don't recall ever seeing him in my life.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked tucking my wild red hair behind my ear.

"Who are you?" I asked softly as I looked into those beautiful eyes of his. They were so captivating that it was so hard to look away.

"What?" He was taken aback but he disguised it with a charming smile.

There was no memory of this guy in my head. I couldn't place him anywhere. But he seemed to have the answers that I needed. He knew me and he needs to tell me what I have to know. But can I trust him?

"I don't know who you are," I told him. He tried to reach for my hand but I jerked it away. I thought about the dark side of the situation. What if this guy was some kind of psycho who tried to kill me? What if he wasn't someone who I associated with in the past? He didn't seem to fit into my memory at all so maybe he's just some kind of creep that's trying to take advantage.

"What are you saying? I'm John, your boyfr-"

"I'm sorry but you're not supposed to be in here," said the doctor who came in a while ago.

"But I'm her _best friend_," John said hesitantly as he shifted his attention back to me.

"Well she doesn't know that," the doctor mentioned as he came closer to me. "She's going through a post-traumatic amnesia and it might take a while before her memory springs back on track."

"But when it does, she'll remember every single detail of her life, right?" John seemed worried. It was as if he actually cared.

"I can't provide a straight answer for that yet. It all depends on how her."

John looked at me and placed a hand on my cheek. It took a whole lot of courage in me to try and stay still. He almost told the doctor that he was my boyfriend so I must mean something to him.

The doctor let John out, telling him that he can visit me in the afternoon. Once he was gone, the doctor took some blood from me and checked on that something that seemed to pound on my head. I didn't know if it was this big bruise or cut. All I did know was that it hurt like fuck and I wish it'd heal soon.

At least now I know some things about myself. My name is Olivia and I have a friend named John. Maybe this post-traumatic amnesia isn't so bad after all. I mean it could be this chapter in my life where I could start over and rewrite on every single page of the story I lived in. Maybe this was a sign, a little gift from God. Or maybe all the other memories in my head were irrelevant and stupid. I guess instead of trying to figure out the things that went down in the past, I should just look forward and focus on the future and where it might lead me.


	35. Chapter 35

A few more tests later and I was asleep on the bed I was lying on. I figured out – on my own – that I was at a hospital. I mean I might've lost a big portion of my memory but at least my common sense was still working. When I woke up, I saw two people walking in. I couldn't really see who they were since my vision was blurry but after a few blinks, I was glad to recognize Kennedy and Garrett.

"Hey guys!" I said all chipper and smiling.

They both stopped in their tracks and looked at me before looking at each other. I wondered why they acted so weird. How could I not know it was them? They played like a huge part in my life.

"I thought you lost your memory," Garrett mentioned as he sat by my bed.

"What are you talking about?" I raised an eyebrow as I glanced from him to Kennedy and back.

"John told us-"

"Who is that guy, anyway? I mean he came in here like a while back saying that I was his girlfriend or something," I said, cutting Kennedy off before he can even start talking.

"So you remember us but not John?" Kennedy tried to clarify as he looked at me with horrified eyes.

"Am I missing something here?" I directed the question to both of them but nobody met my eyes.

"Do you at least remember how you got here?" Garrett inquired.

I tried to think really hard but nothing came to mind. It was uncanny that I forgot my own name but didn't forget the names of the guys talking to me right now. It was as if there was this part of my brain that had stopped working. It was probably due to the throbbing in my head but I don't know. I always thought my memories ran around inside my head like nomads. I didn't think they'd dwell in one place and diminish once that one part got hit by something hard.

"Um…" I struggled to give out an answer. I wanted to remember but I couldn't.

"Don't worry about it. What's important is that you're alive, safe and away from harm." It was weird how Kennedy actually cared about my well-being. I mean I remembered when I left this place and went to live in New York and all that happened there. I also remember the moment I came back home and he was the one who picked me up at the airport. I always thought he hated me ever since I came back but I'm glad we were on good terms again.

I took a good look at Kennedy and realized that he was actually sincere about what he said. The rest of the time was spent by asking more questions about what I remember. They keep bringing this John guy up though but I really couldn't remember who he was or what he was to me. I didn't want to have to ask them because it would be sorta weird. I mean he was tall and handsome but I don't think he's the kind of guy I picture myself with for the rest of my life. My mind was actually set on Kennedy and how I've always had these feelings for him but I never really got around to telling him about them. There's a figment of a memory in my mind that reminded me of how sweet he was on our date. We hit a really rough patch after that since I knew all he wanted to do was get into my pants but I think I've had enough time to forgive him for everything he's done wrong. I mean people make mistakes, right?

"So when are you getting discharged?" Garrett asked, bringing my attention back to the present where we all were.

"The doctor said that I need to be here for a couple more days to see if there's something they might've missed," I told him and he nodded with understanding.

"Your sister and Aunt Catherine, do you know who they are?" Kennedy asked after having a handful of minutes to think about a question.

"Of course," I told him. "How can I not know who they are? They're my only family now."

They ran out of questions after a while and it all just became silent between all of us. I kept staring at Kennedy as if there was nothing better to do but when he tried to catch me in the act, I always look away. Garrett was just staring at the ceiling. They were most probably tired from something.

"Don't you guys have a show to put on or something?" I asked checking the clock. It was already 7 in the evening and they probably thought that I'd be sleeping when they came.

"Wait, so you remember the band but not the singer?" Kennedy asked, surprised.

"Aren't you the singer?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Um, nope," he said, looking at Garrett.

"John is," Garrett told me.

"Oh," was all I could say. So maybe he did play a big role in my life. But what does being the singer of their band have to do with anything?

"I can't believe you don't remember anything about John," Garrett mentioned, feeling totally amazed.

"Can you please just stop saying his name? It gets really annoying," I said and they muttered an apology.

The guys left after a while saying things like they needed to do something. I wouldn't blame them. I mean I guess the outburst was a little on the extreme side but sometimes they just have to understand that no means no. So, when I say I don't remember this guy named John, I mean it. It's not like I'd play around telling that I don't remember him when I did. That would be weird on so many levels. And plus, why would I need to lie about something like that? Did John and I have some kind of history together?

I was feeling clueless with each second that ticked by. I didn't realize that my phone was on my bedside table this whole time. I retrieved it from the table and looked at the messages I sent and received. The only thing that had John's name on it was this message I sent saying 'SOS'. At first, I didn't know what this was about but then when I thought hard about it, I remembered exactly what happened.

I remember the scene and how Garrett tried to protect me and how I sent this message. But most of all, I remember the last thing I saw that night – Kennedy's face.

AN: to those who are confused about this, I want you to know that I didn't interchange names or whatever. It's all part of how her effed up mind remembers things. I searched somewhere that there are times where people make memories up when they hit post-traumatic amnesia or something and this is more or less an example of that.


	36. Chapter 36

Two days passed by in a blur and before I knew anything, I was back at home constantly staring at the stitches on my head in my mirror. They were healing really well but the memories inside were hardly coming back. I sighed as I sat back on my bed and looked outside the window.

I wanted to remember who John was. He seemed like an important someone in my life and it hurt to not remember whatever we went though.

Andy told me that John was nothing to me but I felt like there was something she wasn't telling me. I wanted to ask her about it but whenever I tried, she'd get all pissed at me and I didn't want that. Aunt Catherine had to take this one-week business trip somewhere so it was just the two of us at home.

I started the day by taking a shower and changing into something casual. I didn't know what to do today so I called Kennedy up to see what he was doing and if he wanted to do something with me.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" he asked once I told him about wanting to go out today.

"I don't know," I said with a laugh. "What do you think?"

He didn't answer right away. He let a few minutes pass before he gave out an enthusiastic 'okay'. I smiled to myself as I waited in our living room. I switched on the television before I heard a knock at the door. I stood from my comfortable position on the couch and opened the door only to reveal John on the other side.

**JOHN**

"Hey," I said, greeting Olivia a little too awkwardly. She was so beautiful today and the stitches on her head were healing perfectly. I never thought I'd see her in the same way again but we're all back to square one and this is my chance to make things right with her. I couldn't let her or myself down anymore. I needed this to work.

"Hi," she replied, letting me in. "Look, I've been thinking a lot lately about everything that's happened to me and I'm really sorry but I don't remember you being in my life at all."

She looked so innocent and so naïve that it was hard to get upset about this. I couldn't blame her for losing a big portion of her memory but I just wish she hadn't. If she never lost a single detail from her head, I would've done everything to make it up to her but now that it's all gone, I don't even know where to start.

"It's totally fine." I sat beside her on the couch and we watched TV. She was watching some cartoon show when another door was heard at the door.

She stood from her spot and I stared at those long legs that used to wrap themselves around me. I wanted to hold her in my arms and feel her touch but I couldn't do that anymore. I had to make up for the lost time but before I could ask her what she was doing today, she was telling me that she was going out. With Kennedy.

"Tell Andy too," she requested before heading out.

I didn't know why that affected me so much. I mean it hurt when Garrett told me that she remembered everyone else except me but I just couldn't accept the facts. I wanted them all to say that they were lying. How in the world is she able to remember each and every one of the people she's ever known in this world except me? Was I that irrelevant in her life? Didn't I make my mark somewhere in that head of hers?

I sighed as I got up. I was about to go and knock on Andy's door when she twisted the knob and opened it herself.

"Olivia's out with Kennedy," I told her and spun right around as I tried to make my way to the door but she stopped me mid-stride.

"Look, I know it hurts to know that she doesn't remember you but I do," she told me and I had to turn around to see if she was joking around or not. "I still care about you, John. I can treat you way better than she ever did. Just give me a chance and you'll see."

Okay, she was coming on to me. I looked down at her and pulled my hand away gently. "Andy, you're a great girl but the only one I see myself with is your sister but you already know that," I said but she just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"She's never going to remember anything, John. You're better off with me," she said sliding her hands up on my chest.

I had to look away. I didn't want to react too violently. Besides, having someone actually care for me in that manner wasn't all that bad.

"I have to go," I said, turning around. I caught her smiling slyly as I did so.

"You'll be back," I heard her mutter but I didn't say anything else.

I wasn't about to go and make another mistake. I've had too many of those and they're still haunting me. If I wanted to be with Olivia, I had to wait. But how long do I have to wait?

**KENNEDY **

It was weird that Olivia called me this morning. I wasn't expecting it at all. Mainly because we weren't exactly as close as she and Garrett were but I guess I could use this time to get to know her better. It's the least I could do.

"So what did you want to do today?" I asked her as the car rolled to a stop due to a traffic light.

"I have no idea," she said laughing. I smiled at her from the rear view mirror and started to drive as soon as the light turned green.

"Well, are you hungry?" It was already 11:33 on the clock and I was getting pretty hungry. I didn't get to eat breakfast today since Olivia rushed me out of the house. If she hadn't called, I'd probably still be asleep by now.

"We could grab lunch," she suggested and that's exactly what we did.

When we reached Chili's, we got a table almost instantly. There weren't a lot of people in yet since most people would take their lunch at around 12.

We sat by the window and started to order up. The waitress was kind enough to fill our glasses with water. Olivia sipped her glass with so much grace and poise. I never knew she was that prim and proper but who was I to judge.

"So what made you ask me to do something today?" I asked all of a sudden. I couldn't get the thought out of my head. And plus, don't you think it was weird that she had asked me?

"Well, I just thought we could spend some time together," she said placing a hand on top of mine. That's where it got weird. I saw a red alert sign flashing in my head as soon as I stared at her soft hand landing on top of mine.

"Um, really?" I couldn't really think straight. That was sorta straightforward. I mean the hand thing? What was I supposed to think of it?

"Please, you don't have to be so naïve. We both know we were meant to be together," she said, looking out the window. The day has barely even started and it was already getting really awkward for me. "I'm sorry about everything that happened, by the way. I never should've strayed away from you."

"What are you talking about? Are you sure you don't have me mixed up with someone else?" I asked her as I slid my hand from underneath hers.

She didn't seem to respond after what I said. She just looked at me like she saw something on my face. It was probably confusion but I can never really tell. I mean I don't really know her like John and Garrett did and sure I wanted to bond with her in a way but how was I supposed to with all this weird shit going on.

"Look Liv, before the accident, I was only a friend to you and I think that's all I'll ever be. Besides, I'm sure John would kill me for going out with you," I said, gulping down the water in my glass. I was getting really nervous.

"Oh," she said as she thought. "But from what I remember, it was you who I was with. I mean you're the one who was with me through everything and-"

"That's John you're talking about right there. Sure, you and I, we had our moments but the really special ones – the ones you're thinking of right now – that's all John. That's why we couldn't just drop the topic when you told us that you didn't remember John like at all while you were at the hospital," I explained.

She looked down, embarrassed. I smiled as I held her hand – in a friendly manner, of course – and told her that it was all going to be alright. She was going to remember these things that have left her head and everything was going to be fine soon.

"So what do we do now?" she asked, trying to lift her spirit up.

"Well we do what we came here to do," I suggested as I watched our waitress make her way to our table. "And when I say that, I mean we eat."

She smirked as we both dug into our meals. I just hope that this whole mess would clear up soon because I really wouldn't want to cause any trouble with anyone. All I want is to be her friend and that's that.


	37. Chapter 37

**OLIVIA **

When Kennedy broke it down to me at Chili's, I was downright confused – not only about the lost memories in my head but also about the thoughts that were formed to replace those memories that seemed to escape the confines of my skull. I didn't let it get weird between us though or rather, he didn't let it get weird between us. We got past it quickly and hung out like two friends that have known each other for so long.

He gave me the Cliffnotes version of my life and I tried hard to put the pieces together but the part where John came in totally blew it out of proportion. If I were to describe what was going on in my head right now, I'd probably tell you that I had this really big puzzle with the tiniest pieces and whenever I didn't have the right piece, I'd wreck everything up in aggravation before reassembling it. It's crazy, I know, but everything that was happening here was complicated and hectic. I almost lost hope but Kennedy was helping me through it.

"So you mean he and I knew each other ever since we were like 5?" I was surprised to hear this. How was I able to remember everything that has happened recently but forget everything that occurred in the past? It didn't really make as much sense to me. Aren't we supposed to remember the more memorable stuff? And isn't that stuff like in the past or something?

"That's what I remember him saying once," he said as we walked by a record shop.

We turned and walked through the entrance as we kept talking. By now, it was already 8 at night. We already grabbed dinner so all that's left to do was go home. But somehow, I didn't really want this day to end. I wanted to find out more about myself but I wasn't that selfish. I knew Kennedy had better things to do and I was feeling guilty for making him stay with me.

"So are we ready to head home?" he asked me as soon as we got to the parking lot.

"I wouldn't want to keep you from what you had on your agenda today anymore so I guess we're all set," I laughed. It was sorta useless to let him go now since it was already night and he couldn't really do much from now until the time he had to sleep; unless of course, he had some kind of party to attend to.

The drive to my house was silent but it was nothing awkward. It was actually pretty comfortable. I rested my head on the window as my blinks started to turn heavy. I was pretty tired. I thought I could handle a whole day out without feeling this wave of exhaustion but I guess I was wrong. But at least today wasn't a waste of time like the days I spent lying in my bed at home. I was actually very lucky to have this opportunity to clear things up before I made mistakes that would be hard to take back. I didn't want to commit anything wrong anymore and if I never called Kennedy, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to help it.

We got to my house after a few minutes. Well it was actually a half hour drive but I was asleep for the most part. I thanked Kennedy for everything and gave him a hug.

"I'm glad I called this morning," I told him as we broke apart.

"Me too," he replied as we stared into each other's eyes. I smiled at him before opening the door and getting out of the car. I started to walk up my porch when I realized that the engine of his car hasn't started yet.

I turned back just to see that he was watching me get into the house. I waved at him and he waved back before starting the car and heading to wherever he wanted to be at this hour.

The lights in the house were still on. I wouldn't really expect them off this early on a Saturday night. I mean I don't think Andy sleeps that early. Besides, what kind of person would hit the sack at about 9:30 P.M. on a Saturday night?

I twisted the door knob and walked into the kitchen. I was parched for some reason and I thought some water could fix that. But as soon as I got into the kitchen, I saw Garrett and Andy making out by the island counter. Garrett was on one of the stools and Andy was planted on his lap.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said rushing back out of the door.

"Olivia, wait," Garrett called out. I heard Andy hiss at him but that didn't stop him from getting up.

I stopped in my tracks feeling awkward with every second. I spun around as soon as Garrett placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Look, I never intended for anything to happen between your sister and I. It just sort of hap-"

"Garrett, you don't really have to explain anything to me. I mean you're free to hook up with anyone. It was just weird to see you guys do that in the kitchen," I laughed.

Garrett seemed hurt and surprised at the same time. Did he actually expect me to be jealous or something? I've known Garrett for a long time but I've never seen him with someone. It was weird though since he was a pretty nice guy.

It seemed like he wanted to say something but his mind wasn't providing him with the words he wanted to use. "Olivia, there's something you need to know," he said grabbing one of my hands. I wanted to snatch it away from his grip but I didn't want to seem rude.

"What is it?" I asked in the most casual way possible. I wasn't sure where this was headed but I don't think I wanted to hear it. To sum all that up, I was nervous.

"I, uh, I l-like you." I almost laughed when he said it. Luckily, I was able to hold it back. It would've been a disaster if I wasn't able to contain it.

"Garrett, you're my best friend and-"

"You're not getting it! I freakin' like you as more than that, okay? I spent all this time wondering how to say all this to you and it's not even coming out right. Look, there are so many things I want to tell you and I don't know where to start," he rambled.

I looked at him intently and slipped my fingers off of his. I bit my lip as I thought about what he said but only one thing made its way to my mind. "Then why did you make out with my sister just now?"

This practically stunned him. He was about to reply to that when I saw Andy standing a few meters away from where Garrett was standing. Her eyes were welling up. She had this look on her face that looked so guilty. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but before I could open my mouth, my eyes landed on the pendant on the necklace she was wearing.

The pendant was a heart-shaped key with diamond studs on it. For some reason, I felt my adrenaline kicking in. I wanted nothing more than to rip the necklace off of her neck. That necklace was mine. It was weird how I was overprotective over it but before I knew it, I rushed to her and ripped it off of her neck.

The chain broke and I saw Andy's jaw drop open. "You fucking bitch! What do you think you're doing?" she exclaimed loudly as she tried to take what was left of the necklace away from me.

"This necklace is mine!" I said, defending myself as I shoved her away from me. She tried to come at me but I always ended up throwing her to the side. She was that light.

Garrett was standing there helplessly. He stared at the scene unfold before him and I just wanted to kick him hard in the head for that. Why wasn't he doing anything to stop this?

"That's where you're wrong! John gave it to me because he loves me! He doesn't love you because you're just some slut who blew him off. Now, give that back to me!" She screamed her lungs out as she lunged at me.

"Liar!" I said, pushing her to the side once more. Now, I may not have the strength to defend myself against a guy but I had every power in my biceps and triceps to throw some light weight around. I could even throw a hard punch but I was more sensible than that.

"Why are you calling me a liar? What I'm saying is true! John even told me he loved me today right when you left. Would you want to know what we did today? We had sex in your room! That's how I got that necklace!" Her voice was just so annoying that I wanted to strangle her.

Tears were forming in my eyes but I wasn't letting them fall that quickly. "Get your fucked up ass in your room before more shit goes down," I threatened, not wanting to hear her annoying voice anymore.

"You're not the boss of me!" Andy cried out like a little girl. If only she knew what would happen if I got really ticked off right now…

"Really? Is that what you think? Because I'm fucking older than you and I can boss you around whenever I fucking want. Now go do what the fuck I just said!" I yelled at her.

She started to cry but I only sneered at her. She ran towards her room and locked herself inside. If you were some stranger looking through the windows, you'd probably think we were two girls stuck in a house together. No relation between us, whatsoever. But we were sisters. And right at this moment, I hated that fact.

Garrett somehow slipped out of the door without either of us noticing. I didn't care about him. He was pretty useless to say the least.

I unclenched my angry fists and noticed that the sharp part of the key bit into my skin. It was bleeding but I didn't care. I stared at it for a few minutes and started to remember everything. Every piece of the puzzle started fitting right and my memories were making their way back into my head.

I started to break down in tears but I wasn't planning to end the night yet. I had to know if what Andy said was real.

I ran outside the front door, across the lawn and up his porch. I banged hard on his door as I waited for him to answer. I needed to see him. I wanted to clear everything up. But more than that, I wanted to wrap myself in his arms and kiss him until my lips hurt.


	38. Chapter 38

I waited a few minutes before I thought what I was doing was completely outrageous. I was about to head back to my house when his door knob started to twist.

"Look, Andy, I really don't want to have to deal with shit right now. I'm drunk and-" He stopped midsentence and did a double take before shutting his mouth completely. "Olivia? Is that really you?"

I didn't know what got into me but I moved forward and crashed my lips into his. The feeling of his lips on mine did it for me. The butterflies danced around in my stomach. I longed for this feeling for some reason. We just exchanged kisses for a while until I felt his hands under my shirt. That's where my senses awakened. I noticed that his mouth tasted like beer and what other alcohol he took in. I took a step back and slapped him hard across the face. He almost fell backward but at least that revived him from his drunkenness.

"Tell me what you and Andy did isn't true," I told him as tears finally made their way out of my eyes. I wiped them furiously as he looked at me with those crazy eyes.

"What're you talking about?" he asked holding the part of his face I smacked with all my might.

"She told me that you guys did _it_ in my room!" I screamed out loud for the whole world to hear.

He slammed the door close as he stepped closer to me. He had this weird smile on his face. I couldn't really read it. I couldn't tell if he thought it was funny or if he thought it was outrageous that Andy would say something like that in my face. But I didn't have all the time in the world to wait for his answer. I wanted to break down and cry myself to sleep. I wanted to go back and pretend like the rest of the night never happened. I wanted to stay with Kennedy because I knew I could tell him anything and he wouldn't get me angry or depressed.

"I don't even know what you're talking about," he said with a laugh.

I looked into his eyes and tried to internalize that very statement that he just made. He stared back at me with so much amusement almost as if I needed to be locked in a straitjacket and sent to an asylum. I wanted nothing more than to give him another smack right across his face again to take away that goofy, charming and sexy smile he wore.

"Are you sure about that?" I asked with all the anger and fury I could stir up.

I watched him pace around his porch. He sat down on the porch swing before getting up again wanting to yell at me. He was fuming. I could tell in the way he had a hand on his hip and the other hand in his hair. "Why in the world would you give a damn if we had sex? You don't even remember who I am!" He practically screamed at my face.

By now, my lips were quivering. "So did you guys do it or not?" I questioned. I wanted to hear the truth. Every second was killing me. The butterflies that surrounded the empty space in my stomach were slowly disappearing and in its place grew these weird, nauseating monsters that made me queasy.

"I don't even know why I waste my breath talking to you?" he said, walking back to his door.

"John, I remember everything," I said in a small murmur but he didn't hear it.

I wasn't sure if he had heard what I had said and decided to ignore it. I wish he had so that maybe tomorrow he'd remember and make it up to me. But from the way he slammed his door in my face, he definitely didn't hear a single word that made its way out of mouth just now.

I ran back to my house in tears and climbed up my room. I was so devastated. I mean the very moment I remember everything that's ever happened between John and I, I feel like the whole world comes crashing down like the world trade center back in '01.

I almost collapsed as I reached my room. My head was screaming bloody murder and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I breathed in and out deeply as I hyperventilated. I searched for the painkillers I was assigned to take on my vanity. I wanted this night to end so badly. I wish I had ended it when I got home but no, I had to stroll through the kitchen to grab a bottle of water which I never even got. This was all too much for me and it was senseless to try and put up with all this shit my life had produced. Sometimes, I don't even know why I fight and stand my ground. Why can't I just end all of this right now? Nothing's stopping me. I could end it forever and stay with my mother in a happier place where no one can hurt me. I would be free of any problem that would've come my way if I stayed.

While I lamented and searched for that orange bottle of pain-killing pills, I saw something elongated and green near my perfume bottles. I stared at it intently before screaming my lungs out. It was a condom and it had some kind of white shit on it.

I dropped down on my floor and broke down crying as I thought about what Andy had said. My life was a wreck and I couldn't do anything about it. It got to the point where my vision got blurry and no matter how hard I rubbed my eyes, they were still pretty foggy.

Before I knew what I was doing, I reached for my pocket and grabbed my phone. I pressed a few buttons here and there and I ended up calling someone. I didn't even know who it was but when the other line picked up I heard a groggy Kennedy on the other side.

"Olivia, why are you calling so late? It's like 11 already. Shouldn't you be asleep?" he asked but I couldn't answer him in words. Instead, I sobbed into the phone as I covered my mouth. I didn't want to hear me cry. It was embarrassing but I couldn't stop myself. "Hey, what happened? Are you okay?" I could hear him getting up from his bed. After a few seconds, a door closed and he was thumping down steps.

"K-Kennedy…I d-don't…wanna b-be h-h-here right…n-n-now," I said in between breaths. My lungs were failing on me and my airway was filling up. There was this big ball in my throat that prevented me from speaking and breathing.

"Just hold still and breathe, I'm coming to get you," he advised.

I heard something clinking and another door slam. He was panting and his teeth were chattering. I guess he was cold at this hour.

I didn't want to put down the phone and luckily, he didn't either. He talked me out of my mood and calmed me down. By the time he was parked outside my house, the tears had stopped and I was breathing well again. I made my way down the stairs while he rushed his way in. We met in the living room but the sight of him just made me want to cry even more. I tried my best to hold it in but they came out of me involuntarily. He made his way towards me and wrapped me up in his arms.

"What happened?" he asked as soon as his arms were locked behind my back.

I proceeded to telling him what happened from the time he left and from the time he came back to get me. "Kennedy, I don't know what to do with my life anymore," I told him as I ended my story.

"Don't say that," he said. "There's still so much time left. You have to be strong and learn never to give up because life will always find a way to fuck things up for you. But what you should know is that there will be people here who will help you get through it all. People like me." He pulled away a few inches and tried to look into my eyes but I only stared at the floor.

"It's too hard, Kenny," I said closing the gap between us by placing my head on his chest. He rubbed his arms up and down my back and tried to soothe me.

"Tell you what," he started, "why don't you head upstairs and pack up a few clothes and you can stay at my house for the night? What do you say?"

I looked up at him to see if he was joking but he wasn't even smiling. I nodded slowly and held his hand as we climbed up the stairs. I grabbed a bag from my room and placed some overnight stuff in it. I finally found my painkillers on my bedside table. I placed that in my bag and turned to see if Kennedy was still there. He was standing at my mirror, eyeing the condom on my desk. I saw his jaw clench tightly as he picked it up and threw it out the window in anger. He then proceeded to using my bathroom to disinfect his hands. I bit my bottom lip as I sat on my bed.

When he was through washing, he came back out and asked me if I was all set. I told him that there was nothing in the world that could stop me and with that, we got out of the house and I got in his car and Kennedy became my escape for the night.


	39. Chapter 39

The night I spent over at Kennedy's was probably the best one I've had in quite a while. I mean who would expect that someone like him would really help me through all this crap I'm going through. I'm not saying that I don't like his help - because I do - but I'm just really glad, I guess, that there are really still some genuinely nice people out there who do things without asking for anything else in return. I guess I never really tried to open my eyes to see what kind of a person Kennedy really was until now. I never ever thought that I'd need him but I think I'm pretty lucky that he's here right now.

"Good morning," he greeted as soon as he saw my eyes flutter. Don't get the wrong idea but we sort of slept in the same bed because Kennedy didn't want me to sleep in his couch in the living room and for some reason, I didn't want to be alone. Nothing happened between us, if you're asking.

"Hey," I yawned. I turned in my bed so we were face to face and realized how dangerously close we were. I got scared for a moment but when I realized the actual situation we were in, my heart started beating regularly once again.

I didn't know why, but somehow it all felt right. Like I'm currently in the right place and at the right moment. It felt so good to be beside Kennedy but I wasn't certain if what I was feeling for him can be considered as something friendly. I wouldn't call it something exclusive either. Maybe we're just friends with less benefits than most. But then again, life can be pretty confusing.

"I think I should head home. I mean, I really don't want to take any more time from you. You've given me so much already and I really don't know how I can pay you back," I said, watching his mouth curl up into that sweet smile he shows off often.

"Don't worry about it. My schedule for today is completely empty," he said as he thought really hard. " Wait, make that the whole week."

I laughed at what he said and bit on my bottom lip right after. I couldn't help but feel guilty. He's not responsible for me nor does he need to help me through this but he's the only person I can run. Scratch that, he's the only person worth running to right at this moment my life.

"You know, you should smile often," he mentioned, getting up to stretch his lanky limbs. "It looks good on you."

Before I could really analyze what he meant by what he said, he went into the bathroom outside his bedroom to escape the investigation. I think my cheeks were pretty flushed but luckily, he didn't have to see that. I rolled around in his bed so that I could get up. I really didn't want to waste any more of Kennedy's days and/or weeks with my life drama or problems so when I placed all my belongings into my bag, I looked for a pen and a paper so that I could write him a note saying that I'd see him around and that I had to go home. I mean even if he did mention that he was free today and weeks from the present, I still felt the urge to leave before it was too late.

But right when I was about to turn and head out the door, I saw Kennedy leaning against the frame of his door watching me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen on his face. For a second, I was nervous. He made his way towards me and took my bag off my shoulder and threw it on the bed. He grabbed my gently by the arms and pulled me a little closer.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, staring deeply into my eyes as if he knew how to read minds.

"I, uh, w-wanted to go h-home," I said, trying to escape his eyes but I couldn't look away. They were the loveliest brown eyes I've ever seen.

"But didn't I ask you to stay?" He slid his right hand down my left arm and stopped where my fingertips were. He lingered there for a while, feeling as confident as ever.

"I know you did. But-"

He placed a finger in front of my lips and let it stay there. He looked down at them for a while before taking his finger away to make my lips collide with his own. I was taken aback for a few seconds but as soon as I felt something velvety and wet slide across my bottom lip, everything sprung back into life and the world started spinning again.

I let this high and awesome sensation take over as I told myself to kiss him back. Somehow, the world around us didn't matter at all. It was as if I was this problem free girl getting with the greatest guy in the world. We could've lived a happily ever after and we could've been the happiest people alive. But then again, we all know those moments are always short-lived. This one moment - where he had his arms around my waist and I had mine around his neck - in particular only lasted a few minutes. A knock on the front door was heard and we both stopped for a while to regain our composure. We looked at each other, thinking of what happened exactly. I wonder if it meant as much to him as it did to me.

Kennedy ran to the front door after hearing more erratic knocks. I followed suit right behind him and watched as he revealed the person on the other side. To both our surprises, it was John.

He was about to greet Kennedy - with smiles and what not - until he saw me and froze. At this point, I felt my heart weigh about a hundred tons. It was falling from beneath my chest and I thought I was going to pass out. John started to open his mouth but I didn't want to hear anything that he had to say so I made my way back into the house and went as far away from him as possible.

I only stopped when I heard Kennedy talk. At this point, I was in the living room where everything was highly audible. Kenny's house was small so you could probably hear everything from anywhere. So there I was eavesdropping like a coward.

"What do you want?" Kennedy, I could tell - even when I wasn't right in front of him - sounded really angry. His voice scared me.

"I want to talk to her," John didn't seem to argue with the tone of his voice. I guess he regained some kind of common sense from last night or whatever.

"Well, I'm sure she doesn't want to talk to you," Kennedy said.

"You don't know that," John retorted in the same angry tone. I could tell he was getting annoyed but there was nothing Kenny or I could do about it. Besides, this was all his fault.

It was about silent for a while. I didn't hear anything more from either of them and I thought John had left but if he did, wouldn't there be footsteps of some kind? I didn't happen to hear any so I guess he was still outside the door.

"Just please, let me get inside," John begged. I wanted to picture him on his knees but I'm sure he wasn't the groveling kind. It was too impossible.

"No," Kennedy replied, sternly.

"You don't really want trouble right here in your front porch, do you?" John threatened, trying to get the upper hand.

I didn't let Kennedy answer that since I knew exactly where this was headed so before I gave him any time for a reply, I made my way into the foyer - where they were situated - and pushed Kennedy back.

"John, just get out of here before you make me even more upset," I told him, trying my very best to hold Kennedy back.

"Olivia please just hear me out."

"No," I said, releasing Kennedy from my hold. He left both of us alone and went into the living room to eavesdrop, most probably.

"But didn't you say that you'd give people chances? That you'd listen to reason? What happened to that?" Oh no, he wasn't turning the tables that easily. I wasn't going to let him.

"John, you've broken my trust far too many times and now you have to earn it back. Sadly, I don't feel like doing that today because only stupid people would care to even give you some kind of attention and trust me, I'm not that kind of person. So before you go telling me about what I should do or what I do best, try and check whether you and I ended on the best terms."

John just stood there and stared down at me. When I looked into his eyes, I was far away from wanting to melt into pieces due to the connection I felt with him. Something inside of him was different and I wasn't sure I wanted to be a part of it.

I was about to close the door right at his face when he pushed it back open and I fell to the ground. Kennedy most probably heard a thud because I heard someone get up from the couch. John pulled me up harshly and brought me to his lips. I didn't get to really think about the kiss because after 8 milliseconds, we were pulled apart and a fist connected to John's face.


	40. Chapter 40

From there, everything went haywire. I wanted to break them apart but I felt like John deserved the strikes Kennedy gave, but seeing that Kennedy was getting a little beaten up as well, I had to step in.

"Break it up!" I said all police officer like. Being stubborn boys, they chose not to listen to me.  
So I put two fingers in my mouth and blew a really loud whistle that rang in both their ears.

They both covered their ear drums for fear of becoming deaf. I pushed John out of the door and closed it in his face. I locked Kenny's front door and attended to the wounds on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked, wiping blood off the cut on his cheek.

"Shouldn't I be asking you?" he retorted, taking my hand away from the wound that didn't cease to ooze more blood out.

I left that question unanswered as I went to the kitchen and grabbed a dish towel – which he had in a drawer, surprisingly – and damped it with cool water. I placed a few ice cubes on the towel and wrapped it up.

Kennedy was already on the island counter touching the wounds on his face, cringing every time he hit the right spot. He wore this anxious look on his face that I wanted to shoo away but even I didn't know if I was okay or not. How was I supposed to feel about what just happened? I don't even get the way or lips collided and detached from each other like that. It was as if I longed for it but was dissatisfied in the end.

I gently placed the cubes wrapped in a towel on his face and watched as he sat still right in front of me. The whole time I tried to clean the wound, he was looking into my eyes – or at least he tried to make eye contact. I was far from wanting him to know what kind of emotions were in me right at this moment. I wasn't really certain but I felt like if I answered his question a while back, I'd be headed out the door as well.

"Hey, I'm worried about you," Kennedy blurted out all of a sudden, breaking the unbearable silence. He took the ice out of his face and slid his fingers down to my own. He stroked my cheek and traced a line down to my chin where he lifted it up so I could look at him.

I tried to smile but failed. I was lying to everyone and to myself. How can I not have feelings for John? How can I forget what he means to me? Why am I being so stubborn? Shouldn't I just forgive him for being the stupid but lovable person he is? This is all too confusing and I hate how I got Kennedy in the middle of everything. He didn't deserve any of this.

I wanted to move the hand with the ice to his face since it was going to bruise soon but he held me still. I breathed out a heavy sigh as I sat on the seat right beside his. I twisted in it so I was facing him.

"Kenny, you didn't deserve any of this," I told him, biting my bottom lip.

"I was trying to protect you," he replied, making me smile just a little.

"I know but you went too far."

"That was nothing. What he did was way out of line. I'm just glad I got to punch him in the face first."

Kennedy got up and went towards the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of soda and twisted the cap. He seemed utterly calm about the whole thing. I thought he'd be really mad about all of this but he didn't seem like it. But then again, maybe he was just good at hiding his emotions. I didn't know Kennedy that well yet so I couldn't figure him out with one look.

"Kenny, you really don't have to get yourself hurt to try and protect me. I don't want people getting hurt anymore. I've done too much already and I feel like the cause of their pain is all because of me. I'm not trying to be all emo or anything but if you really think about it, it is quite true."

"Don't say that," he said, catching on to what I'd said. He probably knew from past events that I blamed myself too much – that I was too harsh on myself.

Kennedy made his way back to his seat and scooted our chairs together. He put his forehead against mine and stared down at my lips and without further ado, I closed the gap between us and kissed him. I felt the same way I did the first time – which is good because I didn't want these feelings I felt for him to change.

We just made out in his kitchen for a few steamy minutes before the sadness in me flew away. I wrapped my arms around his neck and started to grow a little aggressive. I felt like doing something stupid just to boost my self-esteem. But I knew that using people wasn't good. Kennedy is at the top of the 'People I Should Not Hurt' list so I guess thinking like this is sorta dumb.

I made my way out of my seat and onto his lap. Thoughts raced inside my head but I shut them down. There was only so much thinking one person can do and it's sad to say that this girl isn't the patient kind.

I slid my hands under his shirt as I detached my lips from his. I smiled before placing butterfly on his neck. As I trailed them from his lips and back, I felt something go hard from down under and I knew exactly what it was. I bit my lip as I locked my legs behind his seat. Our lips collided once more as his fingers played with the hem of my shirt. I moved closer to him, loving the way our lips moved together. His hands trailed up my back, sending chills down my spine. He nipped on my neck, making him want to hit the next base with him. But before we reconnected our lips, the phone rang.

I looked to the side and was about to get down from my position but he held me even closer, reattaching his lips to my neck. The phone didn't stop ringing so I maneuvered my way away from him and answered the phone.

Before I could greet the person on the other line, the caller spoke saying, "Did you get the job done?"

To my surprise, it was Andy and apparently, I just got played.


	41. Chapter 41

I was stunned. I think my heart stopped for a couple of seconds. But once I heard Kennedy's footsteps coming towards me, I swallowed and turned around to face him. I'm not sure he noticed the worried look on my face seeing as he still tried to grab me by the waist to pick up where we left off but I pushed him away harshly, grabbed my bag from the couch and ran out the door. I wasn't going to look back and I wasn't going to wait for an explanation because I knew exactly where it was headed. But I had to wonder why all of this was happening to me. I mean out of the six billion people in the world, what made me so damn special? Why did everyone want to play tricks on me?

As I ran with tear-filled eyes, I saw Garrett's car pass by. Was he in on this too? I thought I had potential friends but I guess they all just hated me that much. I ran without direction for what felt like hours. My legs didn't slow down or speed up. They maintained the pace I started with and after a few twists and turns, I found myself back in a familiar place. I didn't know that the meadow was this close to Kenny's house but I'm glad because at least there was a safe place somewhere in the vicinity.

The Arizona sun beat down on my body and made me sweat like a pig but I didn't care. I was a crying wreck and I didn't want to think about anything else. I wonder what would happen if I chose to run away again. Would it be better? Would anyone even care? Maybe this time, I'd try places outside America. That way, it'll be hard to come back. But if I did choose to come back, who would I come back for? Definitely not Andy, that's for sure.

I walked to the spot that John and I used to lie on and sat on the ground. I couldn't help but think about what a mess my return has brought upon all of us. I should've bought that roundtrip ticket back to New York instead. But then again, I'd have to face another set of problems over there. Why is there no safe zone for me? Am I that unwanted in this world? Am I a plague to everyone alive? A disease people want to get rid of? How in the world did I end up in this shithole anyway? Life was kind of breezy when I was younger. Not a single problem stuck to me like glue. Sure there were some downers but nothing this large. I just want everything to go back to normal.

I started to calm down after a while of debating on whether travelling to another country was a good idea or not. If I left, I'd be gone for good. I won't come back for anyone or anything. I'd grab a territory somewhere and start again. I'd start my life in a place where people don't know me. This time I'll probably be more prepared. Life has no cruel side that I haven't seen already. I'm ready to face the world with the knowledge I've gathered this past few weeks. It's time I find myself and become whoever I want to be without anyone else holding me down.

Footsteps were heard as I tried to get up. I swiftly turned to face the trespasser hoping that I could punch or offend the person physically. I didn't know why I wanted to but I felt like venting out in a physically offensive way.

"Olivia?" John called out. I wanted to run away from him as well but I didn't have the strength to do any more running.

I didn't answer him so he came closer to me at a quicker pace. Once he stood right in front of me, he wrapped me up in his arms harshly.

I couldn't just let him hug me like that so I fought back by punching him on the chest. I did the same gesture that Fred Flintstone did when he got locked out of his own house. But instead of laughing, I broke down and started crying again. I slipped down to the ground with John as he held me. I knew what I did sort of hurt him but he didn't let go. He kept one arm around my neck and the other around my waist. I was locked in with no escape route.

"Let me go," I whispered to him. The ball in my throat that appeared every time I cried prevented me from screaming at him.

"No," he said sternly. His voice was a tad bit shaky though.

"Please, just let me go." I crashed into him instead of pulling back. I felt so worn out. I thought that after this moment, I'd probably wake up in my New York apartment ready to start a new day. But this wasn't a dream. This was so far from ideas in my head. This was real life, my reality.

"I did that once and I swore to myself that I would never do that again," John said, moving his chin from the top of my head to the side of my head. He pulled away just a little to look into my eyes. "But I've failed you once again. Please forgive me."

The way his eyes stared into mine brought but the familiar feelings that I once felt for him. I wanted to fulfil his wish but I couldn't just give in. I don't break that easily.

"But why did you do it John? Why did you have sex with Andy?" I asked, cringing at myself for saying those foul words. I wish that I never had to say those things but it had to come out one way or another.

"Baby, I did not have sex with your sister. I wouldn't even touch her if she was the last girl here on earth. Nothing went down between us yesterday or ever." His words sounded so sincere. I wanted to believe them but John has deceived me quite a number of times to the point where I'm not sure when he's lying or telling the truth anymore.

"If it wasn't with you then who was it with?" I asked, hoping his reply would have some kind of sense.

"Garrett, probably," he replied without a single doubt in his answer. "He was there the whole day and not once did I see them head outside."

"But it happened in my room." I tried to test him but even I knew John was smarter than that. He was a guy who actually knew how to use his head.

"You were with Kennedy yesterday. I didn't forget that. That's why what Andy tried to do didn't affect me in any way."

I was surprised he actually knew how to reason out well. I mean I knew he was intelligent. I just thought he wasn't this smart. But then again what kind of person would skip to conclusions before analyzing the facts? Well, maybe there are a lot of people like that around the world but I'm glad John isn't one of them.

"I'm sorry I jumped on you like that. I never should've doubted you like that," I said, placing my hands on his lap. I think may have went too far up his lap but he didn't seem bothered by the closeness.

"It doesn't matter anymore. As long as you're here with me, it's fine." He was about to crash his lips into mine but I stopped him before I did anything stupid.

"But is it okay if we stay friends for a while? You know, to see where this goes?" For some reason, I still doubted his answer but wouldn't you? I've had my hopes thrown to the side so many times and if I rushed head first into this, I was bound to fall off a cliff some day. That was one thing I was sure about.

"Is this about Kennedy?" he asked, starting to get impatient with me. John really is a great guy but one of his worst flaws is his temper. He's quite short for a tall guy.

"Trust me, it's far from it. Just trust me on this, okay?" I bit my lip before slipping away from him but I didn't get that far. He was determined to never let me go. I was proud of his determination but I still had some questions left unanswered so until I clear them up, I'm not taking any chances.

"Okay, but give me at least one chance to change your mind."

I cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering where he was getting at. Suddenly, he moved in closer and closed the gap between us. This time, no one was here to wreck the moment.

The moment his lips touched mine, the proverbial wave of emotions crashed over me and flowed into every vein in body. My brain shut down completely and made my heart decide. I, on the other hand, had no complaints. I moved my lips together with his to the point where things kinda got out of hand. I knew that I asked if we could be friends now but if you got a taste of his lips, you'll never be able to get enough.

I was starting to lose my breath but I didn't want to break away. I knew he was feeling the same but we both knew that this would probably be the last time our lips would brush in a really long while. We savoured the moment while it lasted and when the time finally came, we both pulled away slowly.

"Olivia, no matter what you decide, I want you to know that I'm never gonna stop waiting. I don't know what it is but something in me never wants to set you free. Please don't make me suffer too long." He stroked my cheek and licked those luscious lips of his.

I swear if the world didn't complicate things for me, I'd never let go of John as well but not everything in life is simple. I should've learned that by now but apparently, I'm the most stubborn person anyone has ever known.


	42. Chapter 42

John and I spent the whole day together. We got lunch at this fast food restaurant and spent the whole afternoon watching a movie. I was glad John respected my decision of being friends. He didn't make things difficult for me at all. Although while we were watching the movie, I felt his eyes on me as he desperately tried to make eye contact. Once the movie was over, he started to act casual and we talked like two friends. No flirting or hand-grabbing whenever we walked around the mall. It surprised me, really but I knew John and if I'm not mistaken, he's doing this to show me that he's ready for a relationship and I don't doubt him at all. I'm glad he's ready but I'm not. John and I have been best friends for so long and I don't ever want that bond to break. I know it sounds cliché but how would you feel if you've lost that one thing you have with your best friend because you guys fell in love and it didn't work out? Most people say that the bond you have with your best friend can survive any obstacle but I don't want to take that risk with John especially when Andy's in the picture. She may be my sister but she can ruin everything just to get a taste of satisfaction. I would know. I've been her main target ever since I came back.

John drove me back to my house but I had no intention of going down. I didn't want to live in the same house as Andy. That girl knew how to drive me crazy and that's something I really do not need in life.

"How am I supposed to go back in there and act like everything's fine?" I asked myself more than I was asking John.

"You don't have to talk to her," he suggested but I knew that she was going to make a snarky comment at one point that would make me blow up at her.

"That's not going to work," I said, resting my head back on the seat in John's car.

"You can stay at my place for a while."

I looked at John and saw that he had no bad intention set inside his mind. I smiled at him and accepted his offer before getting out of the car.

"One more thing though…"I trailed off. "Can you accompany me inside the house? I really don't want to get into a bitch fit again and I think with you around, it won't happen."

John laughed before nodding his head. "I'll go park the car first and then I'll come right back."

He did as he said and ran back to my side after locking the car. We both walked in the door together and I observed that it was unusually silent. Usually, there'd be music playing in Andy's room. Maybe she went out.

I walked inside the house and inspected her door. I twisted on the knob and noticed that it was unlocked. I opened it a little wider and saw that her room was a wreck. Her mirror was shattered, she threw her chair out the window and her make-up kits were on the floor. Her pillow was torn, the curtains were pulled down and the TV was smashed. I quickly called for John to come see and all he did was gape from the door way.

I walked inside carefully and cringed every time I heard a tiny piece of glass crack. I was aiming for her bathroom. I didn't even know why I bothered to check up on her but I'm glad I did. I mean Andy might not be the ideal sibling but we're still blood-related.

When I tried to open the bathroom door, I couldn't open it fully. Something was blocking my entrance.

"John, I think she's in the bathroom but I can't get in," I called out. He quickly ran across the bedroom and tried to push the door.

"Do you think she's inside?" he asked but I just shrugged.

I was getting more and more creeped out by the whole situation. Did someone break in last night or did she do this on her own? And if she did do it all on her own, why?

"Didn't you hear any commotion last night?" I asked John who was looking around for something to break the door down with.

"I went to Jared's last night for a few beers but ended up sleeping there," he said grabbing a hammer from Andy's floor. "What's this doing here?"

"John, I'm scared," I mentioned, biting on my bottom lip. This was one of the most unusual things that I've ever encountered in my life and the tension is only getting worse.

John hammered a hole into the door and broke it down after a tense-filled five minutes. The hair at the back of my neck was standing. That's never a good sign. I moved the door away so it wasn't blocking my way and rushed into the bathroom. I almost slipped when I got inside since the floor was flooded. Luckily, John saved me from the fall. My heart thumped loudly inside my chest and my eyes searched for something to tell me that Andy was okay. But when I looked to the side and saw the bathtub filled with water mixed with blood, I panicked and ran over to the tub and placed my hands under the water. I pulled Andy's body up and was surprised that she was still conscious.

"Why the fuck are you here? Can't you see that I'm taking a bath? And why's he here? Did you all come for a show because I'm not scheduled for one now, am I?" The sound of her voice made me want to strangle her instead of being happy that she's alive.

"What kind of person takes a bath in bloody water, Andy? What are you trying to do?" I exclaimed. I wanted to get on my knees and push her head back down but I knew I was only going to satisfy her.

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" she screamed as she broke down in tears. I haven't seen her without clothes in years and it was awkward to see her body soaking wet with blood. I wanted to barf right in front of her but I had to control myself.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was beyond furious and seeing her face wasn't helping at all. I turned around so that I wasn't facing her. But when I turned back, I realized John wasn't peering in anymore. I wanted to cry so badly but I had to hold it together. I didn't want her to see how week I was.

"Why are you trying to kill yourself?" I asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Why do you think, Olivia? Isn't it all too clear? Nobody loves me! Everyone hates me and I can't help but hate the world back! Who cares if Andy's gone? No one will care, Olivia. That's why I'm better off with mom than right here with you!" she yelled.

"Don't you dare say that, Andrea Mackenzie Harper! You know damn well that you have people here who love you! But you tend to shoo them away with your actions. I'm your sister and I will always care and love you for who you really are but lately, you've been losing the person you once were. You're becoming someone you really don't want to be, Andy. Your mind games are only sabotaging you so please just stop trying to make things difficult. Life can be easy for you if you want it to be." I turned back to her as I spoke and I watched as more tears came out of her eyes.

She was losing blood and I knew I had to call an ambulance soon but I needed to know if she really understood what I said because if she didn't then I don't know what I'd do with her.

"Olivia, I won't say I don't believe you because you do have a point but I just don't know what to do anymore and life's too hard for me and with Mom gone, everything's too—"

She blacked out and my adrenaline kicked in. I got her out of the water and placed a towel over her bare body. "John! Call an ambulance!" I ordered. Tears were streaming like waterfalls as I held Andy's body in my arms.

"Already done," John said as he rushed into the bathroom to see what happened.

"John, I don't want to lose anyone else." John kneeled beside me as we waited for the ambulance. Andy's skin was cold and that worried me a lot. I just hope we're not too late.


	43. Chapter 43

From the moment Andy got into ambulance to the time we stayed in the ward to wait for any results, I couldn't stop thinking about what might happen if I lost her. Thoughts raced through my head. Tears wouldn't stop falling. My life finally hit rock bottom or maybe even lower than that. I don't even know what I did to deserve this kind of punishment. And what's worse is our aunt never came back. I have no idea where she is and how to contact her. I wish I had some kind of adult guidance in this situation but life's given me no choice but to move on by myself.

One thing I was thankful for was John. He never left my side no matter how many times I asked him to go home and get some rest.

"I'm serious John," I said after trying to persuade him for the millionth time. "You should go home and get some rest. You probably have some stuff to do tomorrow and I don't want to keep you from whatever it is you're going to be doing."

John squeezed the hand that he was already holding and made me turn to face him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with you no matter what."

I bit my lip as the anxiety continued to build up inside me. I knew that I should be hoping for the best but I've had my hopes up too many times that I can't even begin to think positively.

A minute later, the doctor came out and called out my name. I immediately stood up and walked swiftly to the doctor who had some information about Andy's condition.

"Is she alright?" I asked eagerly. John kept his hands on my shoulders, asking me to calm down.

"We can't say right now," the doctor mentioned, "All we do know is that she's lost a lot of blood and her heart's malfunctioning-"

"What can I do to help?" I know it was rude to cut the doctor off midsentence but this was a life or death situation so I guess there's an exception.

"Nothing for now," the doctor paused to look at the chart, "We just have to observe it for a few days before calling anything."

"But she'll be fine, right? I mean her heart's not completely damaged, is it?" I said, wanting to barge right into the emergency room to see exactly what's going on.

"We hope for the best, Ms. Harper." And with that, the doctor went back into the emergency room leaving me even more worried than I was before.

I turned back and wrapped my arms around John. I guess John was right. I really didn't want to be alone right now and I'm just glad I didn't persuade him enough to hit the road back to his house. I know I'm being sort of selfish for taking some of his time away from him but I don't know. I just can't do it all on my own.

We walked back to our seats as we waited for more news. I knew it was going to take hours but I didn't want to leave the hospital. I was pretty tired but I didn't want to close my eyes. I didn't want to miss anything. Who knows, maybe the doctor would come bursting out of the doors in a while, telling me that she's going to be okay.

After a while though, my eyes had become too heavy to bear and sleep took over.

I woke up at about 10 in the morning. It took me a while to notice that I was actually on a bed and it wasn't just any bed. It was John's. Anger rushed inside me as I got up and tried to find him. He was in the bathroom taking a shower. So I knocked wildly at the door hoping he'd come out. I was scared shitless and I just hope that the reason we're here right now is because Andy's back home as well but that's hardly possible. Her condition isn't suited for home confinement.

"John! Get the fuck out of the shower and take me to the hospital!" I yelled. I didn't want Andy to wake up knowing I didn't bother to check up on her. It's the little things that matter when it comes to her so if I want to mend our broken relationship, I have to sacrifice a little bit more.

John walked out of the door seconds later with only a towel covering his waist down. I wanted to turn away since I was probably blushing hard but there was no time for that. If I wasn't facing any situation right now, I would've wanted to head right in the shower with him but I just had to have my mind set on other things.

"Baby, please calm down. The doctor just called and told me that she's doing fine and her cells are dividing, replacing all the blood she's lost. She's going to be asleep the whole day," he said calmly as he cupped my face in his hands. I wanted to melt into his touch but my mind couldn't stop racing.

"What about her heart?" I asked.

"Doctor said that it was a false alarm of some sort and then he spoke in some kind of medical language that my brain couldn't process," he mentioned, trying to make me laugh. I smiled in appreciation instead.

"Thank you for the information but I don't want her to know that no one bothered to check up on her while she was asleep," I said, taking his hands from my cheeks.

"But why?" he asked, grabbing my hand as he drew me close.

"John, she's my sister and I'm the only family she's got. She can't go through her life on her own. She won't make it without guidance. That's why I have to protect her even though she completely irritates and infuriates me." I wish she'd heard what I just said. I wanted her to know everything. I needed to prove everything to her.

"The guys think differently though," John muttered.

"Please tell me you disagree with them," I begged, looking deeply into his eyes.

It took him a while to answer me back. He thought long and hard about it and for a while there I thought he was going to say what I wanted to hear. "I don't want to lie to you," he said.

"I know where you're coming from but this is my chance to make it right with her and I don't want to waste this opportunity," I said, wanting to break down. I stopped myself before I felt the first tear coming on but even if it didn't come out, John knew exactly how I was feeling.

"I guess you're right," he finally gave in, "But it's only right for everyone else to be there because we're probably part of why she's in the hospital right now."

I merely agreed to what he said but I guess I couldn't stop them from asking for forgiveness even though the fault wasn't really on their side. The only thing I'm actually scared about is meeting Garrett and Kennedy again.

We got into the car after John changed into some clothes. I kept silent as we drove inside the car but with John singing along with the radio, it wasn't all too quiet. Once we got to the hospital, I got out as soon as John switched off the engine. I guess I was hoping for Andy to be awake already but when we got to the room where she was being held, she was unconscious. The doctor said that it was okay to talk to her though since she was able to hear what was going on. The last time that happened, it didn't go all that well. My mother woke up and gave me her final words before she went ballistic and eventually passed away.

John and I sat on the stools beside Andy's bed. I didn't know what to say to her. I just told her that I was by her side but I doubt she'd wake up for that.

Minutes later, the rest of The Maine filed into the room. Kennedy, Garrett, Jared and Pat had shock written all over their faces. They stared intently at the gauze wrapped around her wrists before making their way over to where John and I were. Jared and Pat were the first to give me some cheer.

"She'll get through this," Pat tried to say. But I knew that they were just saying that for the sake of making things more comfortable for me. From what John had told me, they didn't really like Andy as much as they used to before I came or whatever.

Garrett looked like a lost kid. He sat silently on the couch along with Kennedy who was keeping to himself. I can see that he had some deep anger set inside his eyes but he knew better than to make a scene at this point in time.

"Guys, I think it's about time we try to apologize," John started to say. Everyone's heads perked up and I saw some eyebrows rise but I understood exactly why they held those kinds of faces.

"But we didn't do anything wrong," Garrett spoke suddenly. I looked at him but he refused to look at me. It was pretty awkward. I just hope we get through it.

"Well maybe you wouldn't want to say it loud but I'm sure deep inside, we have something to apologize for. So here's the deal, we'll do this one by one. The rest of us will be waiting outside. Garrett, you start," John ordered.

Garrett didn't whine about being first. I think he was kind of relieved though that everyone was heading out of the room so that he could talk to her in private. Once we were outside though, Kennedy tapped on my shoulder and stopped me in my tracks.

"Can I talk to you in private for a while?" Suddenly, he has this nervous look on his face. I didn't want to go talk to him alone but I had to. I had to get this over with whether I wanted to or not.

I excused myself from John and walked down the hallway with Kennedy who inhaled and exhaled harshly. We stopped right in front of an empty ward and sat on chairs.

I swallowed hard before I turned to face him. "What's this about?"

"Look, about that phone call yesterday," he started, "I had nothing to do with it. Andy told me that it was meant for Garrett who was supposed to burst into my house and do something stupid. Please believe me-"

"Kennedy, I believe you but what happened yesterday..." I trailed off, not wanting to continue.

Kennedy didn't seem to catch on to what I wanted to say. He was staring at me with hope in his eyes. It was going to be hard to let him down.

"What about it?" he asked after a minute.

"Well, I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I mean you're a great kisser, don't get me wrong but I think it was more a mistake than it was anything else," I rambled, biting my lip as I waited for his reaction.

To my surprise, he had this large smirk on his face. I thought he was going to snap in a second but he seemed relieved for some reason.

"Don't worry about it, Liv. I was about to say the same thing but I really didn't know how to word it out. I'm glad you said it first or else I would've blown our friendship out into the solar system," he joked.

I chuckled as I gave him a hug. "So are we good?"

He nodded and we started to walk back. I was glad that at least one thing turned out right today. Maybe this is where life starts turning right for me. But then again maybe this could be similar to a roller coaster ride. You get really high up before you come crashing down hard.


	44. Chapter 44

**WARNING: This chapter contains very detailed and descriptive sexual content. Read at your own will.**

**GARRETT **

"_Come on, Garrett! She'll never know!" Andy said leading me up the stairs to Olivia's room, "She's out with Kenny and well, we have the place all to ourselves." _

"_Andy, this is stupid," I said, trying desperately to stop her from being so selfish. I knew that all she wanted was to sabotage her sister and I really did not want that. _

_Her smile dropped to a frown. I knew she was on drugs. She was on a high and I came just in time for the climax. I always told her to stop but she never listens to me. She told me that injecting herself with needles and smoking until she sees everything all warped was the highlight of her life. She's been at it ever since she found out her mother had cancer and ever since then, she hasn't been the same. She's been having personality switches and mood swings where it became really difficult to actually talk to her. I used to think she was cool before she took any drugs but now, I feel nothing but disgust when I see her. _

_Clearly, she needed some help but whenever I tried, she'd threaten to kill herself and I didn't want that. I mean maybe it would seem like I didn't care but knowing that I would be the reason for her death would make Olivia hate me forever and I didn't need that in my life._

"_Garrett, you know that I love you, right? I would never hurt you," she reminded me for the thousandth time. But I know better than to believe her. She'd say anything to make you do what she says and I'd hate to say it out loud but for quite a while now, I've been nothing but her pet – following her around in all her selfish glory. _

"_You love John, remember?" I reminded, making my way back down the stairs. But before I could take one step, she grabbed my arm and tightened her grip where she dug her long nails into my skin. _

"_Don't leave me," she whispered to me, getting too close for comfort. She wrapped her free hand around my torso sliding it lower and lower until she reached a certain spot that's not appropriate for her to touch, "You know what happens when you don't listen to whatever I say." _

"_You need some help, Andy," I said, taking her arms away from me, "I mean it." _

"_Don't try and act like Mr. Goody Two-Shoes because you and I both know that you're nothing like that!" she scolded. _

"_I'm not trying to-"_

"_Garrett, just stay and it'll all be fine." She cut me off midsentence and made her way next to me. She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards Olivia's room. _

"_Why are we here?" I asked, feeling horrendously annoyed with her. I didn't want to have to feel this way but she left me with no choice. _

"_We're here because we are going to have some fun," she told me, pushing me harshly so that I'd fall on Olivia's bed. But she wasn't really that strong. _

"_What do you mean?" I asked. I really did want to leave but I was too afraid of the outcome so I stayed. _

"_Well, first, we're going to drown ourselves in alcohol," she instructed grabbing two bottles of vodka from under Olivia's bed. _

"_Where the hell did you get that?" I asked furiously as I stood up and grabbed it away from her. _

"_Relax, Grandpa! I didn't steal it or anything. I just grabbed it from one of my friend's refrigerators. I'm bound to pay him back so don't worry." _

_She was out of her mind and I felt like a complete tool. I never ever stooped this low but I guess there was a first time for everything. _

_Without me noticing, she swiped one bottle away from me and twisted the cap off. She drank the contents as if it was plain water. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw what she did. Who knew what other things happen in those parties she goes to almost every night? I didn't even want to know. _

"_What's wrong, Gary?" she asked in such a fake tone. She sat me down on the bed and placed herself on my lap, facing me, "Do you want me to open that bottle for you?" _

"_Why are you doing this to yourself?" I asked, wanting to push her away but I knew that that would only make her angry. I hate it when she screams. It makes me want to do unspeakable things. _

_She smiled evilly before biting on her bottom lip. "You are so cute right now." She pushed herself forward so that she was right on top of my penis. Nothing in this world could ever be more uncomfortable than what she just did. _

"_Just drink up so you and I can play," she said, feeding me her bottle. _

_I drank a pretty large amount. I swallowed and felt the alcohol burn against my throat. This was probably the most stupid thing that I've ever done but it was for a good cause, wasn't it? _

_After a few more swigs and one more bottle, I was downright buzzed. Her hands all over me felt more pleasurable than uncomfortable. I nipped on her neck and tried to think positively about what I was doing. I twisted us around so that I was on top of her. The smile on her face made me feel better about myself. She was actually enjoying this. _

_A few minutes later, the shedding of clothes had begun. We were down to nothing but our underwear and man, she was hot. I started to feel a little erotic as I slid my hands inside her panties. She moaned in pleasure as I rubbed my hand up and down. She tugged on my hair and reconnected our lips as I continued to feel her up. But it wasn't long until she turned us again straddled my body. She took of her bra and grabbed my hands in one quick motion. She laced our fingers together as she started planting butterfly kisses down my torso. Soon, her lips met the top of my boxers. She unlaced our fingers as she slowly slid my boxers down. I was about to pass out when I felt her tongue slide against the top of my boner. It felt so good so I pushed her head down so that she could start sucking it like a lollipop. I may have ejaculated inside her mouth but she didn't care. She kept going at it as if it was the best thing in the world._

_I was feeling a bit needy now. I felt like sticking this boner inside of her to see how she'd feel. So, I took her hands off of my thighs and pulled on them so I could inject my dick into a tighter and wetter hole. I rolled us over and kissed her on the lips while placing my hands on her chest. Her breathing started to get louder as she tried to push me away a little. I backed up groggily and knitted my eyebrows together. _

"_We can't do this without protection," she whispered, laughing right after as she slid out from underneath me to grab a condom from one of the drawers in the room. I watched her strut back to the bed with the condom in between her teeth. Something in me actually found that quite sexy. I pulled her eagerly down on the bed so that we could get some dirty work done. She slipped the condom on expertly without wasting any time. Once done, I inserted myself in her and got things over with. _

_No one would ever know, right?_

My guilty conscience finally made its way over to the bed where Andy's body was located. I didn't know where to begin. I knew that this wasn't truly because of Olivia. This was all because of me. Andy always told me how she really did want to be with me but I always push her away because I don't actually like Andy. I wanted to be with Olivia. But she's too far out of my league and I should've seen that from the start. But like every other hormonal adolescent guy out there, I was blinded with pride. I thought that I could actually sweep her off her feet by making sure that she was far away from John but with Andy in the picture, it became ten times worse. But now that the damage has been done and everything somehow collapsed to the situation I'm now in, I just can't help but feel bad for myself. I know I pushed this too far and I only hope to make it up to everyone. I never thought it would all boil down to this.

I licked my lips before stroking Andy's cheek. I never should've used her as a substitute. She was more fragile than Olivia and I didn't give a damn. Now, she's in a hospital bed because of a suicide attempt. How can I begin to apologize?

"Hey," I started, "Look, I'm no good at these speech things but I wanted to say sorry for everything I've done to you. I hate that you're here because of me. I never should've hurt you the way I did and for that I'm sincerely sorry." I grabbed her hand, hoping that she'd eventually wake up but it wasn't like I had the magic to actually do that.

"After we both got wasted, I wanted to forget about you, Andy. That's why I rejected all your calls and pushed you away. I didn't want to be your pet anymore. I was done trying to win Olivia. I knew the plan and realized only after what we did that it was the most impossible thing that anyone could ever do. I don't mean to scold you but I just hope that you find it in your heart to actually see that everything's not that bad. Sure, reality bites but it could get a lot better from here."

I didn't know if I was apologizing or telling her that what she did was wrong. But like I said, I really didn't know how to make these speech things so I couldn't compensate for anything.

"G-Garrett?" Andy croaked.

My head perked up as I watched her eyes open and the heart monitor beep loudly. "Andy?"

"This isn't because of you," she mentioned, "I just didn't want to live anymore so I did the unthinkable." She spoke so calmly that it frightened me. "Just promise me you won't leave my side."

"I can't promise you that," I muttered.

She smiled and smirked at the same time as she shook her head lazily. "Heaven's been calling me for a really long time, Gary."

I wanted to comment on that one but I was too taken aback to actually say anything. "Don't try anything stupid. Olivia cares about you." I whispered.

"Who cares what she thinks about me? When I get back home, I'm still going to be the same person. Drugs and alcohol are my best friends," she sighed happily.

I thought she'd be able to change. I thought that this could be her turning point but I was wrong. She didn't care at all. She's still the same selfish person with the same bitchy attitude.

I watched her drift back into a deep sleep. I can't believe she hasn't learned a single thing. She's delirious and no medication can help her. This goes without saying but I'm giving up on her. There is no way I can help her in this state of my mind.

I shook my head as I made my way out the door. John's head perked up but I just shook my head as I made my way down the elevators and to the parking lot. I was so done with Andy and her life.


	45. Chapter 45

**JOHN**

I watched Garrett walk out of Andy's room with nothing but a disappointed look on his face. He shook his head at me as if saying that there was no hope at all. How could he say that, though? I mean I thought they were like better friends than most of us.

I shoved those thoughts aside as I watched Jared and Pat go inside together. Ten minutes later, they came out with relieved faces. I was confused at this point. Should I head inside or not? Before I could decide, I saw Kennedy and Olivia come in from the east wing. I smiled at Olivia before getting up. She seemed a tad bit happier and I was glad that she took her mind off of what was happening.

"Anything new?" Olivia

asked me, watching the room intently. The door wasn't open enough to peer inside if you were far away from it.

"Garrett just walked out on us," I told her. Her eyebrows knitted together.

"I'll be right back." She swiftly made her way to the exit leaving me to have no choice but to head inside Andy's room.

Kennedy disappeared suddenly so I couldn't put it off much longer. I walked inside her door like it was no big deal. But fact of the matter is that I had a pretty heavy heart and that was not a good thing.

I shrugged my nervous thoughts away as I sat by her her in such a fragile state made me think that about everything that's been going through her head but that was kind of impossible seeing that she probably had a lot of things going on up there. But here I was procrastinating my time away. If I wanted to make this right, I should probably get a head start.

"Uh, hey Andy," I said quite nervously as I watched the monitor beep. It was the only spud inside this room and it scared me to death because any second now, it could go off and all chances of Olivia being truly happy again could turn to dust.

"I know that we've had a pretty rough past. I'm sorry that what you wanted to happen between us didn't work out. I hope that's not why you're here. It's just...I love your sister so much - I don't think I have to explain much further because you can already tell - and I can't just leave her at any opportunity possible. I know she's the one for me and I really hope you can see that," I paused briefly, hoping to get some response but got nothing. "I really do hope you take into some kind of consideration what your sister is doing for you. All she wants is to protect you and be the sister you long for her to be but seeing as you tend to push her - if not, everyone - away, it's been hard for her to show you her concern. Let us all in to your life again Andy and we'll give you another shot. We want to see you get better and we can't help you if you don't let us-"

"Oh save your sob stories for someone who cares," Andy rambled.

For a second, I thought I was hearing things but the moment she turned in her bed with her eyes open, I knew that she was awake. I was going to get up to call Olivia but she was quick enough to stop me.

"Look John," she started, "I'm never going to be the person everyone wishes me to be. I know it's hard to understand but that's the way I truly feel and I hope in one way or another, you'll understand. Mind games are a part of who I am and frankly, I don't care if people hate or love me. I am who I am and if you don't like it, then it's your loss."

"You're kidding, right? You expect me to believe all that BS right there?" I asked rhetorically. It was weird that I actually censored my profanity but I've always thought of Andy as a little girl so I guess it was appropriate somehow.

"Oh John, you have so much to learn," she said in a sing-song voice as she sat up from her bed. "I live for drugs and alcohol alone-"

"You've only been taking them to cope with your losses, Andy. It's not your way of life." I didn't care that I was actually using a stern voice on her. I'd do anything to get her to listen to me.

"But that's where you're wrong, Johnny. I'm in love with drinking and smoking. Injecting myself with shit is also pretty cool. Makes me feel all doctor-like which is kind of awesome in a way," she said.

"Maybe in your world it'd seem cool but look at what it's done to you. Are you seriously happy with the way things are right now?" I asked, hoping to get through to her but I only got angry.

She started to laugh as she caught my initial reaction. I wanted to hide my anger but I couldn't . How could she be so selfish? Why does she intend to be this way? Doesn't she see a brighter outcome without all the shit she's been shoving into her system? But then again, I've been told that once you take too much, you can never get enough. I just wish Andy had more self-control.

"I've always been happy, John. But it's not necessarily due to what's been happening in my life. It could be because of other things," she explained as she looked around the room. She just couldn't stop smiling and it was freaking me out.

"Then why try to kill yourself?" I knew this one shot through her like a steel blade but I just had to know.

She stayed silent for a few seconds but when she finally thought of an answer, she smiled even wider - almost as if she was possessed by the devil.

"I thought it was a fun thing to do. Besides, I was pretty bored," she said as if it wasn't a big crime to go and take your own life away.

"Why don't you go watch TV like every other normal person?" I asked seriously with a hint of sarcasm. Sadly, she only got the sarcasm bit since she started to chuckle.

It was awkward to be in this situation right now. Actually, it was kind of scary. She was acting so strangely and I didn't know what I could do or say to make things better for her. I wish I did though.

She placed her head back on her pillow and shut her eyes. I guess that was my cue to leave so I got up and got out of the door. I saw Kennedy about ready to take my place. I patted him on the shoulder once as he walked inside.

I tried to think of ways to help her but the only thing I could think of was rehab. Would Olivia go for it though?


	46. Chapter 46

OLIVIA

I searched for Garrett along the corridors. He had to be around here somewhere. I don't know why but I felt like I really needed to talk to him to make things right. I didn't want to have to burden my heart with unnecessary pain and besides, something must've happened inside Andy's room. He wouldn't just walk out if nothing did, right?

I stepped onto the elevator and clicked on the letter 'G'. If I'm lucky enough, he'll be in the parking lot contemplating on leaving or staying. I just hope I'm not too late.

Once the elevator dinged, I rushed outside the hospital and searched the parking lot for his car. I spotted it in a matter of seconds and saw that he was already in the driver's seat. The engine wasn't turned on when I got there so maybe he just came out here for some air.

I knocked on his window to get his attention. Once he turned to me, I smiled at him sheepishly and motioned for him to come out. He didn't seem to want to but seeing as I wouldn't go anywhere, he obliged.

"Why're you out here?" I asked him as he shut the door to his car.

"She's out of her mind," he said frankly, startling me in the process.

"I, uh, don't understand. What do you mean by that exactly?" I watched him with anxious eyes as he thought of a way to explain the situation to me. He thought long and hard and that worried me even more. How hard would it be to explain Andy's condition?

"I think the drugs have finally hooked on to her system," he said plainly.

I raised an eyebrow at him as I tried to analyze his statement. I knew she smoked but drugs? Did he mean the illegal ones? Why didn't I know about that? I guess my lack of knowledge about what's been happening to Andy is caused by my neglecting her at any time of day. But should I regret neglecting her? She probably went overboard a long time ago if I hadn't done what I had.

"Garrett, she's not crazy," I tried to say but he just shook his head at me.

"You don't know her like I do. I'm sorry for the words, but she is a manipulative bitch who wants everything for herself. She can't be tamed."

Garrett watched me carefully to see exactly how I'd react. I really wanted to yell at him for saying shit like that about my younger sister but I couldn't deny it. What he said was real and there was no denying that. I hated how his words were so right. I hated how they really fit Andy's personality. But maybe she can grow out of it, you know.

I made my way back to Andy's floor to see if everyone had their time to talk to Andy, but as soon as I walked in the hallway, everyone was sitting with their heads down. Apparently, Garrett wasn't the only disappointed one. I tried to make eye contact with John so that I could ask him what was up without having to say it but he wouldn't even look up. I sat beside him and placed a hand on his back, rubbing it up and down. I hated how the ward seemed so gloomy now. Just a while ago it was filled with happy people but now…

John grabbed my hand and squeezed it once. I looked at him as he looked up at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen on his face. I stroked his cheeks before making my way into the room that contained my sister. To my surprise, she was awake, but what's more shocking is that she was making ribbons with the IV tubes. It kept unravelling but she didn't care. She just kept going as if it was a hobby.

"What are you doing?" I asked in a pleasant tone. I sat beside her and watched her eyes travel from the tube connected to her arm to my face.

"I'm trying to block the liquid," she spat out. I didn't understand why she was so mad but again, we weren't really on the best terms.

"Why?" I asked, taking her hands away from the tubes but she wouldn't let me. She just jerked her hands away when I touched them and went back to playing with the tubes. "Andy, I don't think you're gonna get anything done."

"I don't care what you think. I don't care about you and I don't care that you're my sister. I don't care that we don't have a mother and I don't care about myself. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care!" She screeched at the top of her lungs, alarming me.

"Andy, you don't have to scream, I'm right here." I don't know how I managed to keep my patience with her but I'm glad I was able to.

"Get the fuck out of here," she muttered.

I was hurt by what she just said but she didn't even care to look up at me. I guess she meant what she said and there was nothing I could do about it.

"I'm trying to help you, Andy," I mentioned as I got up. This got her attention. She started to laugh hysterically as if I just told the world's funniest joke.

"Do you think I need help, Olivia? DO I look like some hobo on the street? I'm just a girl living her life. Why can't you just let me be?" If I'm not mistaken, I think she's facing some kind of personality disorder.

"That's not what I meant," I tried to say but she rolled her eyes.

"Of course, I just don't get what you mean because I'm that dumb and stupid. Well, I'll tell you what, I hope you die soon so I can live my life happily."

Okay that went too far. I stared at her with the widest eyes. She didn't look back at me. She just leaned against her bed and looked at the ceiling as she hummed some tune I wasn't familiar with.

I was about to grab her hand but out of nowhere, she plunged a syringe into my hand and pressed down on the plunger. Some kind of liquid made its way into my veins as I screamed in pain. John ran in the room with a few nurses. They saw the syringe in my hand and took it out right away.

Andy was laughing as I started to grow dizzy. It seemed like the whole world was about to collapse before me and before I knew it, I blacked out and hit the ground.

JOHN

"What the fuck did you do?" I exclaimed to Andy who was now being constrained by the nurses that rushed into the room with me.

Olivia was in epileptic shock by the time she hit the ground and I was scared shitless. Once they put Andy out, I called out to the nurses to turn their attention to Olivia. I carried her into another room and laid her out on the bed. A doctor rushed inside and I was escorted outside by another nurse. I followed her orders and backed away slowly but I never kept my eyes off her. Andy could've placed anything in that syringe. I just hope it wasn't anything that could actually make her sleep permanently.

Kennedy asked me what happened as soon as I got out of the room Olivia was in. I told him what happened and he didn't want to believe it. Garrett came back to the ward and I told him what happened.

"She needs help, man," he mentioned as he sat on one of the chairs in the ward. He wasn't even surprised at all. Did he actually think that she was capable of these things?

"You don't think she tried to murder her sister, do you?" I asked him and watched him shake his head from side to side.

"I don't even know anymore."

I wanted to scream at Andy for what she did. Actually, I wanted to yell at her for a lot of things. Everything was going so well already and she had to ruin it. If she enters a rehabilitation center, everything might turn out to be a million times better. I mean let's face it, nobody wants her here. I gave her so many chances but all she did was blow them up in my face. I've had enough. It's about time that she gets out of this world she created out of her intoxication. I had to make a move.


	47. Chapter 47

OLIVIA'S POV

I woke up to the biggest headache ever. It was like a hangover but only ten times worse. I slowly turned my head to the side and saw a vase filled with flowers. There was a note at the side. My hands shook as I grabbed it. Everything in me seemed to ache and I was weak beyond belief. Luckily, I was still alive.

I unfolded the note and saw John's handwriting on it. I smiled as I read the words written:

_Hey, I'm sorry I couldn't wait 'til you got up. Tim called us up for an acoustic session somewhere. I'll be back as soon as possible. The doctor said that all you needed was rest and Aunt Catherine – if she isn't by your side – is somewhere in the hospital. _

_Call me if you need anything. I won't lose sight of my phone. _

_I love you. _

_John_

"How are you feeling, dear?" Aunt Catherine asked, peering in from the door.

I smiled weakly at her and asked her to come inside. She sat on the chair next to my bed and huffed a large sigh.

"I never should've left you girls," she sighed with regret.

I shook my head at her and held her hand. But when I caught sight of my hand, I realized that it had started to discolour. I sat up immediately and felt my hand. Aunt Catherine took my hand away from my eyes. I looked at her questioningly. I was scared shitless and she wasn't saying anything.

"She tried to poison you, Olivia," she mentioned as tears rolled down her eyes. "Why couldn't I see this? I just wish your mother were here to talk some sense into her because I can't do anything, Liv. She's gone."

"Don't say that," I managed to croak out. My throat was dry and it hurt especially when I swallowed.

"I can't help it," she said looking down. Her shirt was starting to soak. I grabbed the box of tissues on the table beside me and handed it to her. My hand was starting to look more and more disgusting. It looked like it was seriously bruised. The veins were showing and it made me want to barf. Was it going to be like this forever?

"What can we do?" I asked her, handing her the box.

"There's really only one thing to do," she told me. "Your mother was like her once. She rebelled against our parents. Actually when I look at Andy, I can really see your mother in her, but at least your mother knew where the line was. She always crossed it but she made sure to take a few steps back so that she was still on the right side. That's the one thing that your sister didn't inherit though."

I stared at her with the widest eyes. My mother was just like Andy? How in the world is that even possible?

"What made her change her ways?" I asked Aunt Catherine.

"She had you."

Tears started to run down my cheeks. My teeth were clenched tight and it took a lot in me not to cry. I thought talking about my mother would be totally fine. I thought I had gotten past the stage of mourning but here I am, missing her. She would know what to do right now it sucks that she's not here to tell me face to face.

Aunt Catherine got on my bed and held me in my arms just like Mom used to. It didn't really feel the same but it was better than nothing.

"There's one more thing we have to try though."

"What is it?" I asked through my tears. I know that no one that's been through what I have would have the guts to still try and help Andy but she needed this and so did I. I didn't want her to regret everything and I'm sure with what she's feeling and doing, she'll look back wanting to restart her life.

"We used to have a family friend here who's a well-known therapist. He was the same guy who helped your mother get better but he lives in Surrey, UK now. If you're willing to do this, we could send her there and ask him to treat Andy. She could start again; hopefully, with a clearer conscience," Aunt Catherine suggested.

"But what happens if she…" I trailed off, not wanting to finish my sentence. I didn't want to think negatively right now. I wanted the brighter side of life to shine over each dark shadow.

"Trust me, this is what she needs. She needs space to clear her head and if getting her far away will keep you safe as well, I won't hesitate to get her into the first flight there. But I'm not saying this because I want to get rid of her. I'm doing this to help the both of you."

"Would she agree to it?" I asked lying back down on my pillow. My head was starting to ache.

"She already has. She signed this waiver." She put out a piece of paper and read it to me out loud.

There was nothing more in that letter that she didn't already mention. I was stunned, though. I didn't know she hated me this much. If she wanted to get away, why didn't she pack her bags and go already? Or has she never thought about getting away from the house?

I nodded and Aunt Catherine told me that she had to go sign some more papers. She was determined to get Andy out of here as soon as possible. Once she went out though, I started to cry hysterically. I can't believe I was that hate-able. Who wouldn't get upset over this? Was I supposed to watch her hate me like this? I have feelings – both good and bad. I never really liked it when I knew that someone disliked me for some reason but I can't please everybody so I try to shove it off. But this wasn't just anyone. It was Andy and Andy was my sister.

I rolled in my bed and hid my face from the world. I just can't believe she could hate me this much.


	48. Chapter 48

*1 MONTH LATER*

It's been a month since all the hectic crap ensued in my life. It's been a month that Andy's been away. No one has heard from her since the day we drove her to the airport.

The only time I hear about her is when I receive calls from Mr. Helyer telling me that she's been responding positively to treatment. He even tells me that it's as if nothing was ever wrong with her. I should be happy but learning about these things mean only one thing: I was that one thing that made her tick. I was the person who turned her into some kind of monster and I was the one who pushed her off the edge when she didn't want to move. The thing is, though, I really don't know what it was about me that made her hate me. It would've helped a lot if she spoke up but she's far away from me now and I think it's best if the world keeps spinning like this.

John and I have been having the best times of our lives and there hasn't been a day where he hasn't been there for me. Come to think of it, he's never actually left my side. We were like two peas in a pod. He even brought me to the studio while they recorded their new album – which was kind of boring but it also had its perks. It was amazing how five guys could get so serious and then act like themselves a millisecond later. I could never ask for better friends.

Everything in life was passing by smoothly now. It's actually surprising that problems have stopped popping up here and there. I'm not complaining, I'm just relieved – I guess – to say the least.

When I woke up this morning, I was alone. I saw a note at the side of my bed from John. I picked it up sloppily and blinked a few times before really reading the numbers written on the piece of paper.

_8123 _

I smiled as I put the paper aside and got up. He wanted to meet me at the parking lot we all hung out in. I waltzed to the bathroom and did what every other girl does in the bathroom in the morning and prepared for the day. It took about an hour to finish showering and changing – which was pretty normal. I blow-dried my hair and grabbed my bag, phone and keys.

My phone started vibrating when I reached the bottom steps of the stairs. John was calling.

"What's up?" I greeted casually as I strolled into the kitchen.

"Where are you?" he asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"In the kitchen, getting something to eat," I said, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket. I washed it with one hand and bit into it. "What's the rush?"

"Didn't you see my note?"

"I did," I said, moving towards the front door.

"And…?"

"I'm heading there now." I locked the door before closing and ended the call.

I got into the car and drove to the lot. It took about 25 minutes to get there. Once I got out of the car, I saw everyone – including Tim – huddled in a circle. Inside of You was playing in the background. I smiled as I remembered the first night I ever heard John play this song for me. It hit me only now that I was actually the first

I hurried towards them and tried to listen in on what they were discussing about. However, as soon as they heard me coming, they stopped talking.

"Took you long enough," complained Kennedy. I rolled my eyes and punched him on the arm. "Hey! That was uncalled for!"

I laughed as he rubbed his arm but stopped abruptly when my eyes locked in on John's. It was pretty hard to read him under all the seriousness. I don't think I've ever seen him so serious since a month ago.

I scanned everyone else's faces but they were avoiding my gaze. This was awkward.

"We have something to tell you," Tim started.

"What is it?" I asked a little too eagerly.

Everyone looked me in the eye. I hated being under this spotlight. It made me feel guilty even though I didn't do anything wrong. Their eyes were shooting holes into my skull and it was hard to avoid them. Even when I wasn't looking straight at everyone, I could feel their stares creeping up on me.

I was counting the seconds as they ticked. But as soon as I counted to ten, everyone started looking at each other as if they were giving cues. Then with a three second head count, my ears went through a temporary deafness.

"WE'RE HEADLINING A TOUR!" Everyone shouted at once. The hair at the back of my neck stood as they shocked me with that kind of news.

Everyone was laughing at my reaction but John was merely smiling. I was really, really happy for them. I hugged each member and cherished this moment. But when I got to John, he didn't give the same kind of enthusiasm as he hugged me. It was a lazy hug.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking his hand and walking to the side so we could get a little space.

"Nothing," he said, tucking strands of my hair behind my ear. His fingertips were cold. That meant that he was nervous about something.

"Your fingers are cold. It's not nothing, John."

"Fine," he muttered with a sigh. "I just don't want to have to be away from you for a whole month."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, you survived a year without seeing me." I tried to lighten him up but his face showed nothing other than solemnity.

"This isn't a joking matter and I was practically a living zombie in that tour and I really don't want to have to feel that way ever again."

"John, I don't want to hinder you from your dreams. This is where you've always wanted to be. Don't let me get in the way."

"But you are in the way," he said, taking my hand and wrapping it in his.

His palm was sweating but I didn't care. We really did have a problem at hand and I wasn't sure how we were going to solve this.

He looked down at me with this weird look. He was on the verge of breaking and I hated how he felt so torn about this. I was tempted to run but that was so last year. I needed a change.

I was thinking and overanalyzing too much that I didn't really comprehend anything he said after his last statement.

"What?" I asked and questioned his change of facial expression. It took one blink for him to switch from a frown to a big, goofy smile.

"I said you're coming with us!" he screamed in my ear, picking me up and spinning in a circle with me in his arms.

When he placed my feet back on the ground, he watched my reaction. But, I wasn't reacting. I was too astounded to actually feel anything. I was going on tour with The Maine.

A smile slowly crept up on my face and I let out a girly scream as I jumped on John and tackled him with a hug. I locked my legs around him so he wouldn't have to exert much effort. I kissed him with so much passion and everyone was hooting in the background but I didn't care who saw because in that moment, I was in pure bliss.


End file.
